- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
Hello all you lovely bees!
Despite already having a bit of family drama in our engagement, I’ve never been so frustrated as to have to post a rant here (though I’ve certainly thought about it! hehe) But a friend of mine has pushed me over the proverbial edge, and I need to vent and see what I should do.
So, backstory: My friend and her boyfriend have been together for almost exactly a year longer than my fiance and I. I was there when they met, and I actually started the conversation because she was too scared to approach him. They clicked pretty much right away, and started dating almost immediately. They are a great match, and I was so happy that she had found someone so great for her. He loves her just as much as she does, but for the last year or so, she has been REALLY anxious to get engaged. Like, verbally-pressuring-him-in-public-and-making-everyone-else-uncomfortable anxious. I get it – when you realize you want to be with someone forever, you don’t want to wait. But still, it can be awkward to witness, and I feel like it can’t be helping the situation.
Anywho, my fiance surprised me with a proposal a few months back. Like, completely and totally surprised me. We had talked about marriage, and I was *hoping* that it might be sometime this year, but I thought I had MONTHS to wait, at the least. He put a lot of thought and planning into it, and secretly got a lot of my friends and his friends to film me a “happy birthday” video that shifted into a proposal video halfway through 🙂 It was amazing and sweet, and I never saw it coming.
After we announced our engagement to family, we put the little story of it and the video on facebook. I saw the friend in question a few times after it happened, but always with a bunch of other people around.
About a week ago, the friend and I got dinner together after going out for drinks with some other friends of mine. I was pretty darn tipsy, and in the middle of dinner she says “Okay, I have to talk to you about something. I feel like its been long enough now that I can bring this up. Why weren’t we [her and we BF] in your proposal video?”
I was pretty much dumbstruck, so I chewed my steak longer than I needed to to try to think of something to say. Nothing really came to me, so I said “I don’t think [fiance] got a chance to tape you, I think you were out of town?”
She said “No we weren’t.”
I said “Well I don’t know…” and she cut me off and said “We were really hurt that you didn’t include us. I mean EVERYONE was in that video!”
I was so blindsided by this whole thing, and being tipsy didn’t help, but as soon as I heard her say that, I felt my face fold into a giant frown, and I said “Everyone was NOT in that video. [MOH] wasn’t in it, [other BFF] wasn’t in it, a lot of people weren’t!”
She responded, with surprise, “They weren’t???”
I said “No,” and realized something, asking “Did you even watch it?”
She unabashedly said “No, I didn’t. I was so hurt that we weren’t included that I didn’t want to.”
I felt my heart sink and was really hurt, but I was so uncomfortable and out of sorts with the situation that I found myself just trying to smooth things over and change the subject. A few minutes later I checked my work email on my phone and found out the deadline for a big brief I was working on got moved up, and all my stress and focus shifted to that.
I remembered the whole awkward convo a few days later and talked to my fiance about it. He was also in disbelief, and said “Why would she ever come to you about that? You didn’t make the video!!!” For the last week, I have found myself stewing about this, and I can’t seem to let it go. I really can’t believe that someone who calls me a close friend would be so self centered about something as big as a proposal, especially to the point of refusing to watch the video! And then to confront me about it like it was my fault!!! Ugh, it makes me so hurt and angry to think about it. I have never been anything but supportive of her relationship, and for the first year when they were on cloud 9 in a new relationship and I was having a rough single year, dating and otherwise, I never was jealous or told her to stop gushing about how happy she was – I was just happy for her. The fact that she was so worried about a perceived slight that she couldn’t be happy for me just HURTS.