(Closed) Friend just got engaged

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@bellababy: two of my good friends got engaged in the months leading up to my own engagement (which i knew was coming, but didn’t know exactly when). one had been with the guy for 5 years so it was very expected, the other had only been dating him for only 6 months (very unexpected). i’d be lying if i said i wasn’t a little jealous at the time. i was happy for them too, but it made me a lot more antsy than i would have been otherwise. everyone has their own timeline though, and it’s important not to get caught up in comparisons. there’s no reason to think you’ll have to wait another year just because your friend did (i’m sorry, i’m not familiar with your waiting situation, i don’t think i’ve read your other posts). have you two discussed a timeline for getting engaged?

Post # 4
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee

Been there!!

I think it’s important to remember that everyone’s on their own schedule. I have friends that have been getting engaged after less time with their Fiance than I’ve been with my bf. I try to focus on the present. We’re happy right now and aren’t in a rush to say I do. Although, I totally get jealous too. My advice is to acknowledge your jealousy, and then let it go. If you try not to be jealous it will just get worse.

Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Based on your other post, I’m hoping that you guy will be proposing in the next few months. Both excitement for your friend and frustration for your own situation are legitimate feelings. Just try to keep the two situations separate and be happy for your friend. 

Hopefully neither of us will have to wait for the 4 year mark (I’ve been with my guy 3 years too)

Post # 6
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@proBM2008: <– what she said!

I tend to feel a little better (not great, but better) when I go ahead and recognize that I’m feeling jealous and let myself feel it consciously for a while. Then I can usually get my head back together and carry on, but if I don’t stay honest with myself, it’ll just make me cranky and absolutely no fun to be around because I can’t figure out why I’m upset. Give yourself a little space and time, maybe, and see if that helps take the edge off.

Post # 7
Member
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

One thing that sometimes makes me feel better is remembering that everyone has their own timeline. For example, I see a lot of you lamenting that it’s been 3 years and no ring, but I would have been ecstatic if he had done it at 3 years. (I’ve been waiting 6+ now.) So you know at least one person out there is looking at your relationship and thinking: “wouldn’t it be great if it happened as fast for me, as it did for that couple”. ๐Ÿ™‚

And while you are looking at people who have been together only a year (or a few months) before getting engaged–you never know, maybe they’re looking at you guys and thinking: “Wow, I wish I had met my guy/girl sooner and that we were together as long as these other guys.” 

I know in my group of friends there’s me and my Boyfriend or Best Friend (6+ years) and a newly engaged couple (1 year). And while yes I wish that we had gotten engaged first, I can tell sometimes that when we talk about old trips/parties/friends that she seems a little sad she wasn’t there for all of those things. It’s always a trade off. ๐Ÿ™‚ I just try to be happy with how my story is unfolding and know that everything will happen when it’s supposed to. 

Post # 8
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Your feelings are completely normal, I think every waiting girl has been there at some point.  There will be highs and lows until it actually happens.  If it makes you feel better, I’ve been with my bf for 8 years and we’re financially stable, so it just depends on the couple, try not to compare yourself with others, as hard as that is.  I hope you’re not waiting another year, but I do think it would be good to have a casual conversation with him about a timeline.  I think guys fail to realize that it takes about a year to plan a wedding!  But I totally understand that feeling, and you just have to accept it, and wait for it to pass, trust me, it does.

Good luck.

Post # 9
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

Yeah definitely been there lately. Just a few months ago I knew no one who was engaged… then my sister got engaged and now it seems like everyone is pairing off!

I think it’s normal to be jealous, heck I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t, but it’s important to go back to focusing what is awesome about your relationship with your SO. Your day will come and when it does all the pressure and frustration of waiting will melt away! Just try not to go crazy in the meantime. lol!

I agree with Taylor4. Also it’s important to remember that you may be envious of your friends for their speedy engagement, but I’d be willing to bet there are things they envy about you, your life and your relationship. It’s all about perspective!

Post # 10
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

Right there with ya, @bellababy! My sis (younger, dating her beau not as long as I’ve been dating my man) got engaged yesterday. I’m certainly excited for her, but MAN, does it sting!! I’m trying verrrry hard not to be jealous (or break down in tears). Remaining focused on the good in my relationship is a constant challenge when a gal is waiting waiting WAITING! One day at a time…I just hope “that day” comes soon!

Post # 13
Member
23 posts
Newbee

Totally know what you’re going through. The now-fiancé of one of my best friends is also close with my boyfriend, and they were ring shopping together and discussing engagement and wedding ideas last year. My friend and I were soo excited that our BFs were bonding over planning their proposals and by the thought of planning our weddings at the same time! Then her guy proposed months ago and I’m still waiting… I’m really happy for her, but I do feel a little sting of self-pity some times, and also sad that we’re missing out on wedding planning together.
 
However, in some ways I’ve also found it really helpful that she’s going first. She’s filling me in on all the pitfalls of engagement and planning, and giving me lots of advice for when I am finally engaged. She’s also been a great support and cheerleader because she was on the waiting side not so long ago. So trying to focus on the positives can help you feel better and your make your friendship stronger!

Post # 15
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

ohh it is totally natural to be jealous… we had a whole group of people get engaged around us a few months ago and it resulted in me totallllllyyyy cracking it! That said, the breakdown did make my boyfriend realise just how much I wanted to marry him so something good came of it!

Just acknowledge the jealousy, then come to peace with it. Your time will come!

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