Post # 1
One of my good friends just got engaged. I am so happy for her, but yet I can’t help but be jealous, and the jelousy leads to a little frustrated at my man, which I resent myself for feeling. SHEESH.. it’s like a never ending cycle of happy one minute frustrated and asking myself, what is wrong with me?? What is he waiting for? My friend has been with her guy for 4 years and I have been with mine for 3, which also scares me into thinking…. am i going to have to wait another year!!??
Post # 3
@bellababy: two of my good friends got engaged in the months leading up to my own engagement (which i knew was coming, but didn’t know exactly when). one had been with the guy for 5 years so it was very expected, the other had only been dating him for only 6 months (very unexpected). i’d be lying if i said i wasn’t a little jealous at the time. i was happy for them too, but it made me a lot more antsy than i would have been otherwise. everyone has their own timeline though, and it’s important not to get caught up in comparisons. there’s no reason to think you’ll have to wait another year just because your friend did (i’m sorry, i’m not familiar with your waiting situation, i don’t think i’ve read your other posts). have you two discussed a timeline for getting engaged?
Post # 4
I think it’s important to remember that everyone’s on their own schedule. I have friends that have been getting engaged after less time with their Fiance than I’ve been with my bf. I try to focus on the present. We’re happy right now and aren’t in a rush to say I do. Although, I totally get jealous too. My advice is to acknowledge your jealousy, and then let it go. If you try not to be jealous it will just get worse.
Post # 5
Based on your other post, I’m hoping that you guy will be proposing in the next few months. Both excitement for your friend and frustration for your own situation are legitimate feelings. Just try to keep the two situations separate and be happy for your friend.
Hopefully neither of us will have to wait for the 4 year mark (I’ve been with my guy 3 years too)
Post # 6
<– what she said!
I tend to feel a little better (not great, but better) when I go ahead and recognize that I’m feeling jealous and let myself feel it consciously for a while. Then I can usually get my head back together and carry on, but if I don’t stay honest with myself, it’ll just make me cranky and absolutely no fun to be around because I can’t figure out why I’m upset. Give yourself a little space and time, maybe, and see if that helps take the edge off.
Post # 7
One thing that sometimes makes me feel better is remembering that everyone has their own timeline. For example, I see a lot of you lamenting that it’s been 3 years and no ring, but I would have been ecstatic if he had done it at 3 years. (I’ve been waiting 6+ now.) So you know at least one person out there is looking at your relationship and thinking: “wouldn’t it be great if it happened as fast for me, as it did for that couple”. 🙂
And while you are looking at people who have been together only a year (or a few months) before getting engaged–you never know, maybe they’re looking at you guys and thinking: “Wow, I wish I had met my guy/girl sooner and that we were together as long as these other guys.”
I know in my group of friends there’s me and my BF (6+ years) and a newly engaged couple (1 year). And while yes I wish that we had gotten engaged first, I can tell sometimes that when we talk about old trips/parties/friends that she seems a little sad she wasn’t there for all of those things. It’s always a trade off. 🙂 I just try to be happy with how my story is unfolding and know that everything will happen when it’s supposed to.
Post # 8
Your feelings are completely normal, I think every waiting girl has been there at some point. There will be highs and lows until it actually happens. If it makes you feel better, I’ve been with my bf for 8 years and we’re financially stable, so it just depends on the couple, try not to compare yourself with others, as hard as that is. I hope you’re not waiting another year, but I do think it would be good to have a casual conversation with him about a timeline. I think guys fail to realize that it takes about a year to plan a wedding! But I totally understand that feeling, and you just have to accept it, and wait for it to pass, trust me, it does.
Post # 9
Yeah definitely been there lately. Just a few months ago I knew no one who was engaged… then my sister got engaged and now it seems like everyone is pairing off!
I think it’s normal to be jealous, heck I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t, but it’s important to go back to focusing what is awesome about your relationship with your SO. Your day will come and when it does all the pressure and frustration of waiting will melt away! Just try not to go crazy in the meantime. lol!
I agree with Taylor4. Also it’s important to remember that you may be envious of your friends for their speedy engagement, but I’d be willing to bet there are things they envy about you, your life and your relationship. It’s all about perspective!
Post # 10
Right there with ya, @bellababy! My sis (younger, dating her beau not as long as I’ve been dating my man) got engaged yesterday. I’m certainly excited for her, but MAN, does it sting!! I’m trying verrrry hard not to be jealous (or break down in tears). Remaining focused on the good in my relationship is a constant challenge when a gal is waiting waiting WAITING! One day at a time…I just hope “that day” comes soon!
Post # 11
@pb and j:
Well my boyfriend told me last winter that he was going to propose to me at the end of summer,,,… and it is pretty much here, but he could have been talking about his end of the summer which is late october early november because he fights fire for the forest service.
I guess i do need to stop comparing our relationship to that of other people, I never really sat down and actually thought about us just being on a different schedule than others.
Post # 12
Colo, that would be very difficult , I am sorry, but your time will come. We just need to be strong and get our mind on other things. Good luck 🙂 Thank you everyone for your positive feedback, it helps so much hearing that others are going through the same thing. pinkbubblegum Thats is awesome that we have both been with our guys for 3 years! I am soo soo anxious since the end of summer is like two days away, but I just dont think it will happen for a few months.. 🙁 I have that feeling
Post # 13
Totally know what you’re going through. The now-fiancé of one of my best friends is also close with my boyfriend, and they were ring shopping together and discussing engagement and wedding ideas last year. My friend and I were soo excited that our BFs were bonding over planning their proposals and by the thought of planning our weddings at the same time! Then her guy proposed months ago and I’m still waiting… I’m really happy for her, but I do feel a little sting of self-pity some times, and also sad that we’re missing out on wedding planning together.
However, in some ways I’ve also found it really helpful that she’s going first. She’s filling me in on all the pitfalls of engagement and planning, and giving me lots of advice for when I am finally engaged. She’s also been a great support and cheerleader because she was on the waiting side not so long ago. So trying to focus on the positives can help you feel better and your make your friendship stronger!
Post # 14
I should have stated earlier that I am actually closer with the groom than I am with the bride. My bf is going to be a groomsmen. It would probably be easier if she was a little closer friend that I could help her plan and talk to her about things. I don’t know it is kind of a weird situation because I went with her to pick out her wedding dress (before she was engaged)… probably just because I was the only one around that could go with her.. blah blah. I felt like we were close friends, but we just met this year. When she started going all wedding crazy she kinda ditched me and only resorted to all her old friends, which is fine. I guess I dont need friends like that anyways.
Post # 15
ohh it is totally natural to be jealous… we had a whole group of people get engaged around us a few months ago and it resulted in me totallllllyyyy cracking it! That said, the breakdown did make my boyfriend realise just how much I wanted to marry him so something good came of it!
Just acknowledge the jealousy, then come to peace with it. Your time will come!