Friend lied about wedding dress shopping-would you be mad?

posted 9 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
3185 posts
Sugar bee

How do you know she actually lied? If the bride was originally taking her aunt, maybe something changed after you talked to Kate and the aunt could no longer go so the bride invited Kate?

Post # 4
Member
47421 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@hawk22:  What sounds petty to me is making a big deal of this when you have no idea how the situation came about. Maybe Kate was invited to replace the aunt? Maybe Kate knew you would over react and was hesitant to tell you?

Post # 5
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee

She probably felt bad that you weren’t going and didn’t want to hurt your feelings, I agree that she should’ve told the truth but I wouldn’t skip meeting up afterwards over this. If you’re really bothered by it, just ask her. Don’t do it in an aggressive way but just communicate with your friend to work out an issue. 

Post # 6
Member
89 posts
Worker bee

Unless there’s more to Kate/the story that we don’t know, I’d assume it was an awkward, somewhat panicked decision made by Kate.  

Either way, not the Bride’s fault at all so I wouldn’t abstain from lunch or make a big thing of it in a way that would hurt her. 

Is this really about Kate’s “lie”, or are you feeling hurt/left out?

Post # 7
Member
10673 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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@hawk22:  

l think you are entitled to feel a bit hurt and excluded…..but you know, these  things happen and Kate probably didn’t know what to say. Don’t make it about you, don’t refuse to go to stuff or make it obvious you have a grievance , just let it go. Maybe Kate will tell you the full story sometime, but if not, and even if she does, just accept it calmly, no sulking or making an atmosphere .

 
l think it would be helpful too, to stop describing it and thinking of it as a ‘my friend lied to me’ situation and just recognise it as one of life’s awkward little moments – for both of you. 

Post # 8
Member
9275 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Where exactly did your friend lie to you? Because you asked and I am directly quoting you “asked if we were going still (out to lunch or to another store later to catch up) she said no we aren’t doing anything“.

So how did she lie to you? She said she was not going to another store or catching up later with you. She probably had no idea that the bride would later invite you to catch up after with lunch. In fact it would have been rude of her to assume that she could invite you.

I think you need to work out why you are trying to cause drama here. Is it because you think you deserved to go wedding dress shopping over Kate?

View original reply
@hawk22:  

Post # 9
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Completely agree with @j_jaye.

It was in no way Kate’s place to invite you nor was it her place to tell you the Bride had invited her to go dress shopping, if she had indeed been invited at that point. It seems as though your questions should have been directed to the bride and not Kate. I wouldn’t feel awkward about it at all. At that point, she was unaware of plans for you all to meet up.

If she had been invited at that point, would you have preferred her to say, oh, I am going dress shopping with the bride and her mom. I don’t know what we are doing after or if you are invited.

She didn’t lie to you nor was she rude to you. It wasn’t her place to invite you. For all you know she texted the bride right away and said, hey, Hawk wants to know if we are all going out to lunch or to other stores after dress shopping. Or she hung up with you and two seconds later the bride asked her to go as her aunt canceled. Either way makes no difference. The bride texted you and invited you to meet up for lunch and look at photos. Go and have fun! It doesn’t seem to me like you were an afterthought.

It’s not weird and no one lied to you! If the bride didn’t want you there she wouldn’t have invited you!

Post # 10
Member
524 posts
Busy bee

 This sounds to me like a miscommunication. Without knowing the actual text conversation, Kate might not have thought they were going out to lunch after the shopping so that’s why she said that (“No we aren’t doing anything after the appointment”). But then when you talked to the Bride she might have just came up with the idea (“Oh, you can’t come to the appointment but why don’t we have lunch after?”)

Either way I wouldn’t make a big deal about it. 

Post # 11
Member
663 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think it is that big a deal. 

Either Kate misunderstood and thought there were no plans after dress shopping (ie. she was telling the truth), or she was put in a difficult position and decided on the spot that it wasn’t her place to tell you she had been invited dress shopping, or that it would hurt your feelings. 

It would have been more malicious for her to rub it in your face that she was invited over you. Of course, those are not the only two options, but I think Kate was just put in an awkward position. 

Post # 12
Member
3105 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
@hawk22:  I think this entire situation is not really about Kate or her possible lie of omission. It’s more about you feeling left out and maybe a bit hurt as a result. Which is completely understandable. But, I wouldn’t ruin friendships over it.

Post # 13
Member
7983 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Kate responded that the two of you would not be shopping or meeting for lunch, which was the truth at the time. Let it go. If you want to join them, then join them. If you don’t want to join them or if this is going to be an issue for you, don’t. 

Post # 14
Member
2444 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

It sounds to me like Kate was put on the spot and didn’t want to make you feel left out and wasn’t sure how the Bride planned to handle telling you (or not telling you) so she just said something that you interpreted to mean she wasn’t involved in dress shopping, when in fact she was.

 

It wasn’t malicious. Assume she’s not a compulsive liar. I think you are probably more hurt about Bride choosing Kate over you to come dress shopping and don’t want to admit it, so you are instead focusing on Kate’s lie (which was probably meant to protect your feelings, however misguided that may have been).

Post # 15
Member
14149 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Kate was caught in a tough spot. She likely didn’t want to make you feel left out or maybe the bride specifically asked her not to say anything to you. The aunt might have backed out or it might have been the bride who told you the lie in the first place. 

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