Friend making dangerous choices- advice please

posted 5 days ago in Emotional
Post # 31
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I agree 1000% with stawberrysakura’s first comment above. Bee you’re WAY too involved I was a bit amazed at how your initial post went on and on about all these intimate details about your friends life that really isn’t your burden to bear ! Focus on your own life and pregnancy and all you can do is offer support if and when she asks for it. 

Post # 32
361 posts
Helper bee

I’m going to write this believing that everything you say is 100% accurate and there’s no alternate plan or missing information, like a secret vasectomy:

I have had similar situations with two friends who were just making absolutely terrible life decisions. Decisions that anyone with a pulse could see were terrible. People around them gave them straightforward advice. They gave them gentle advice. They were harsh, loving, sweet, subtle. And none of it mattered. They did they exactly what they set out to do no matter what anyone said.

I think when people are making bad decisions that are just so glaringly bad, pointing out that they’re bad is a lost cause. If they were being reasonable, they would already know. And if they’re not being reasonable, they won’t see it and won’t change. 

But the more important part is that these are not your decisions to make or your mistakes to prevent. I know it can be so frustrating when someone you care about is doing it wrong, but you’re not helping anyone—least of all yourself—with this level of emotional involvement.

Post # 33
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

You are being a bad friend here. Genuinely don’t mean that to be offensive, but that’s my opinion. My best friend sounds just like yours (nearly identical situation), fast forward 8 years and their family is thriving. It is not your place to impose your opinion on your friend, it is judgemental and not something a true friend would do. If they want to live a very simple life and sacrifice a lot in order to have her at home, that is their right and you should honestly not impose your opinion on that. 

Post # 34
1479 posts
Bumble bee

I get that you care about your friend, but you really have to step back. When I’ve had good friends making bad decisions, I calmly and gently let them know my concerns ONCE, then let it go. It’s all you can do xo

Post # 35
126 posts
Blushing bee

Not going to reiterate the “not your monkeys, not your circus” opinions, that i wholeheartedly agree on. 

The OP was a little off putting…your responses are better, and I’m glad you’re able to recognize you need to not be heavily involved and infringe on a grown woman’s life. 

I’ve lived a poor life growing up. We were extremely poor, dumpster diving poor. We made do. Life has a strange way of dishing things out and some are lucky to have the opportunity to be financially stable, while some no matter how hard they work (like my mom did) was still having to dumpster dive some days, or go to churches for food. My mom’s fine and great now, as am i. If your friends not in an abusive relationship or the kids aren’t being abused etc then I’d back off. You probably think you know a lot about them, as friends usually think they do, but you might not and you might be insulting her. She will be ok. 

Your anxiety happening because of her story is something you need to try and work on. Your story is different. Every person, every situation, every pregnancy, every baby is different. I hope you can learn to separate yourself from others situations, because if it’s truly what you’re thinking it is, you have a lot of anxiety issues that is really not healthy bee.  Xx 

Good luck xx


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