Post # 1
Hey bees! First time poster but soooo much of a lurker… and unfortunately my first post is of a bit of a negative issue.
Boyfriend or Best Friend and I met in college and have been together for 6 years. He’s really the epitome of a nice guy and I’m a no-nonsense, down to earth girl and we’ve been able to maintain our friendships with our group of friends even after graduation… of course there’s one that we’ve tried to cut. And this is from a person who burned that bridge himself.
This person we have been trying to get away from for quite a while was never really considered a friend. He just kind of hung around because his apartment was adjacent to ours and he didn’t really have any other friends, and it really wasn’t difficult to see why. He was extremely negative, rude, and loved to be a hypocrite in terms of criticism. Eventually our group of friends decided that enough was enough, and we had a long talk with this person to try and understand, if he had so many problems with us, why was he even hanging around? Needless to say he disappeared but none of us have had any qualms about it.
Now he’s trying to reconnect but we see no point in trying to maintain a long distance friendship with this person, expecially since he hasen’t changed. The worst part is the way he tries to communicate; everything is related to money he spends on my old roomie that he recently proposed to (and she was a sweetheart until they started dating, she was a tad materialistic and he brought out the worst in her), new cars, speaking negatively about his new job (and he recently got fired because he was caught on FB with that negative talk), and so much more. Boyfriend or Best Friend never responds to his texts but this guy just can’t take a hint.
Back to his proposal story… he bragged about the $xxx he spent on their dinner, $xxx on their road trip to a cave, $xxxx on the ring, and so on. We laugh at it because we never respond so what is he looking for, reimbursement for his spending? My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I are in the process of engagement and he is the polar opposite of this guy. But all of these $$$ messages are bringing out the nervousness he didn’t previously have. And he knows I’m not that type of girl.
Long story short: how do I get this guy out of BF’s head? He’s the elephant in the room. My Boyfriend or Best Friend a small town guy from a place where respect is most important and he’s never had to deal with anyone like this.
Post # 3
First, welcome to the Bee! Secondly, have your Boyfriend or Best Friend block this guys number. If you guys don’t normally respond to him anyway, the creep wouldn’t know it was blocked. Out of sight, out of mind.
Post # 4
@NinjaWings: Can you get onto your telephone service provider and block the number? That way he may still be trying to contact you but you just don’t even have to see it! He sounds awful!!!! Block his number, block from social media, etc. He will go away eventually and find new people to torment.
As for your Boyfriend or Best Friend, a good sit down talk about this guy & how unimportant and messed up his values are should calm your soon to be Fiance. Just tell him straight up & since you both dislike him it shouldn’t be an issue. Just re-assure him that money doens’t mean a thing. You’ll be ok 🙂 Good luck getting rid of that fruit!
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC
I used to look at rings with my fiance and point out ones I liked that were within price range and point out things i didnt like about big ones which although they were bigger, just looked obnoixous.
Same with proposals I used to point out well thought out free proposals that didnt cost a lot of money and show him how much better they are than stupidly big ones. Like on the film “meet the parents” when the guy gets the kids from the girls school where shes a teacher to all hold up letters saying will you marry me. Thats is sooo much more precious than a billion roses, dancing elephants or whatever other stupid thing money can buy.
I took time to really empasise that its the thought that counts. I made my fiance explain why he chose my ring which made me fall in love with it even more
Post # 6
Well, AT&T wants $5 per line to block and clearly this guy isn’t worth raising my phone bill.
Boyfriend or Best Friend is the stereotypical nice guy and very passive. That’s why he’s having such a difficult time getting this jerk out of our lives. Quite frankly I think the guy is taking advantage of that… the majority of us had no problem telling him how we really felt and he backed away immediately. Boyfriend or Best Friend has never taken the offensive and he has been stepped on many times before because of it. So unfortunately it’s easy for the idiot to sneak back through the cracks.
I hate to say it, but it’s BF’s good nature that keeps this guy thinking he can be a part of our lives.
Post # 7
@NinjaWings: Ugh, this sucks. Honestly, this is not your problem to solve, it’s your boyfriend’s. You’re not doing your bf any favors by trying to solve this problem for him. Can you support him in taking a stand? Absolutely. I just hate it when “nice guy” is used to justify cowardly or passive behavior. There’s nothing nice about stringing someone along. Not to attack your bf unnecessarily, but until he decides that he is willing to take a stand, as you mention, this behavior will continue.
I know you don’t want to spend money on this d-bag, but I think $5 is worth the time and energy you guys would spend wasting on this guy. Otherwise, your bf will have to summon some courage and confront the guy to tell him in no uncertain terms that their friendship is over.
Post # 8
It might sound a tad extreme to go out of your way to block a number, but I agree with the other bees. If one part of your life is spoiling other parts, throw it away. It’s not worth it, you will not gain anything from any sort of relationship with this person, there’s a classy way to do it, and I honestly think blocking is that.
Any type of confrontation with this person, as you’ve already stated, will go south in every aspect. There’s nothing you can do, this person has a lot of growing up, as well as a lot of insecurities to get through! 🙂
Post # 9
Seriously if your boyfriend is a grown rational adult then someone who you guys think is a blowhart shouldn’t even be in his head or radar when focusing on your engagement. He has to own his own choices and decisions, I don’t buy when people blame their behaivor on others.
I think if your bf is nervious, that it is naturally nervous as are a lot of people are when they get engaged, no reason to blame it on this guy or drag him into the equation.
Secondly I think he as an adult should be able to tell someone to f off or block the guys number or stop responding to him. If you guys say this guys not a friend and you don’t like him, whey does he have your numbers and why are friend on fb?
Post # 10
We are NOT friends on FB. The reason he has numbers is because they both majored in engineering and that relies on small classes, lots of study groups and group projects. In fact, watching this guy do 0% participation in study groups was the first sign to all of our friends that he was a piece of trash.
Boyfriend or Best Friend isn’t from the US. He’s certainly not cowardly, but it’s not in his culture to reconnect just to say “F YOU”. Those times I mentioned him getting stepped on, those all happened once he came to here. I spoke to BF last night and I found out it’s not that this jackhole is “influencing” his emotions, it’s that he’s bringing back bad memories and making him feel like he was dumb for being the only person to have any sympathy for this guy not having any friends. Boyfriend or Best Friend is kind of a smarty-pants and likes to consider himself a hard thinker before making decisions. What I see is that he’s embarassed about this decision at that time. So I feel that all I can do is support him in putting all this bull behind him, rather than provoke him (even if I whole heartedly agree that he was indeed d-u-m-b at the time).
I love him more than anything and I will support him but in the end it’s his battle and I’ll tell him what I think, not what to do. I don’t think it’s any less mature of him to not want to start a fight, because if anything, isn’t that the usual immature guy thing to do?
Engagement wise, we’re just visually browsing and haven’t exactly looked at the costs of things yet so whenever he sees numbers anywhere I’m not surprised that he gets on edge. I mean, we’re right out of college and just starting to make ends meet so costs are a big factor in this process. I know he’ll always be nervous even though he knows I’d say yes to a ring out of Claire’s 🙂
Post # 11
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
If he stops responding, hopefully this guy will go away. Otherwise, I would probably have him respond with something like “Why do you think this would interest me? We aren’t friends”
Post # 12
Hopefully just having your Boyfriend or Best Friend ignore his texts will give this guy a hint, if not next time he texts just say “Who is this?” then when the guy replies have your Boyfriend or Best Friend pretend he’s someone else and the guy has the wrong number, he’ll think your Boyfriend or Best Friend changed his number and stop texting him.
Post # 13
Dude. Just ignore the guy. Seriously. Don’t read texts. Don’t listen to messages. Absolutely never ever respond. And he’ll go away. As far as making your guy feel better I would just work in a few “Man, I’m so glad you’re not ridiculous like him – I’m so lucky to have found such an awesome guy!”
Post # 14
I don’t know why ATT&T wouldn’t allow you to block a number. I can block a number on my phone without having to get the phone company involved.
Anyway, that aside, I think $5 would be worth blocking this guy if he is clouding your BF’s mind AND can’t take the hint when your Boyfriend or Best Friend ignores him. The next time he texts I would just say dude, you need to stop texting me. Or if you want a more passive approach you could just continue to ignore him or say this is a wrong number.
Post # 15
I used to have TMobile and just recently switched to AT&T, so maybe it’s a new thing? It’s $5 to be able to block 30 numbers (jeez, what would you have done in your past life to need that much?).
We DO ignore him. That’s just how off his rocker this guy is. He has literally been texting air for the past year! At the very beginning of this tale, he said I was corrupting BF’s mind and Boyfriend or Best Friend immediately told him to GTFO. Then 5 seconds later he gave a 10-text “apology” that BF did not respond to. So I guess silence is his assumption of forgivness and friendship? Seriously, the types of people in this world never cease to amaze me.
Post # 16
I agree with the PP that said to text him back and say “who is this? you have the wrong number so please stop blowing up my phone!” if you don’t want to be confrontational. But you can be confrontational without being rude, it’s simple to just text and say “please stop texting me, we are not friends anymore.”