Post # 1
I’ve been in a new city and a new job for four months now and I’m starting to struggle with loneliness. Hubby works away Mon-Fri so I’m really all by myself. The first few months were all about trying to settle in my job, which I love, and getting to know my co-workers. I guess I thought I’d make some strong friendships at work but it’s becoming clear that, although nice and friendly people, that probably won’t be the case. Outside of work I go to ballet classes, where I manage to say hi and smile at people, but that’s about as far as it goes.
What would you suggest? Hubby says to continue to be really friendly at work. He also suggests that I call my friends who live further away to chat. I’m a bit worried that will make me miss them more! I think I’m just suffering a bit with the “January Blues”!
Please share your experiences 🙂
Post # 3
@RainStorm: I moved 3 hours from home in August and have had a difficult time making friends, Outside of my new job. Makes me sad 🙁
Post # 4
@RainStorm: You know, some of my BEST friends I met while volunteering!
A woman and a couple I both met related to local dog rescue stuff.
A guy who my H now climbs with – we met on a rafting trip for veterans (he was a veteran suprisingly – H and I were volunteers on the trip).
Post # 5
It makes me so sad seeing all of these sorts of threads, and I am totally in the same boat. I moved here a couple of years ago and sadly have not really made any girlfriends I can just have a girls night with. DH doesn’t really have friends, either, so it’s not like i’ve had the option to buddy up with his friend’s SO. It really bums me out sometimes, but at the same time I think DH and I like our anti-social comfort zone.
Post # 6
@RainStorm: It is difficult, even if you are super friendly and outgoing…seems like a lot of times people just are comfortable with the group they already have. :/
Maybe you can plan a happy hour yourself – take charge, invite folks from the office, and go have fun!
Post # 7
@RainStorm: +1 I feel the same way. I get along well with my coworkers but don’t really feel they are “girls night” type girls as we are in different stages in life. And, for the life of me I don’t know how to make meaningful friendships! My current friends are super flaky and we are growing apart and I would love nothing more than to make plans with someone and then the plans actually happen.
Post # 8
Making friends is hard. Continue to be friendly, also frequent the same classes.. chances are other people will too. Seeing a familiar face regularly and interacting casually can lead to a friendship!
Go to networking events related to your profession or hobbies. Also, volunteering will not only make you feel less lonely but as others have mentioned, you’ll make some friends in the process!
Post # 9
Bumping, cause I could use all the advice I can get too.
Post # 10
@RainStorm: any book clubs in your area? An acquaintance I knew through one of my work friends sent out a mass email inviting people to a book club. I am usually super shy and socially awkward, and I almost didn’t go because I hardly knew anyone, but I decided to go for it anyway. That was 5 years ago, and 4 of those ladies are now good friends of mine, the 5 of us even take girls’ trips together.
Post # 11
I took some classes when I first moved to the city and met who are now some of my best friends.
even though I’ve been here 9 years, I am in the middle of a ten week program to change jobs and have met some friends there too! They aren’t at all really good friends yet, but friends none the less.
Post # 12
It can be tough to make friends in a ballet class since you’re busy and concentrating the whole time. I like the suggestion of volunteering. That affords some time for interaction to get to know others better.
Post # 13
@RainStorm: I don’t really have tips but I can commiserate – I moved to a different country a few months ago and really don’t know anybody except my husband (and can’t work due to immigration laws). It’s really tough. I spend probably 10 hours a day alone during the week, and don’t really have any opportunity to take classes and such.
I do second volunteering, but think about opportunities where you’d be interacting with other people. I volunteer and I really, really enjoy the work I do, but I volunteer with a refugee org and the opportunities are very one-on-one rather than where you might meet other people your age. Try to think of volunteer activities you’d be interested in that would give you an in with a group of people.
Has your husband lived there longer, and does he have a group of friends you could tap into?
Post # 14
Have you tried MeetUp? I was really skeptical about it but ended up meeting a couple of girls that I could just hang out with for a girls night and actually made a good friend.
Post # 15
@RainStorm: I’m in the same boat! I moved to a new city 4 hours from my old one for hubbys work. I had a job in the summer but it was seasonal and due to that most people leave town after the season and I didnt really have a strong connection with anyone. I joined a running group in hopes of meeting some friends but the group i was in, although nice didnt really work out for finding a friend. I’m joining another running group to train for a race, so hoping that helps.
I also found a website called Girlfriend Social – i thought it looked kinda lame but gave it a shot and I have been chatting with girl who just movied here as well. Hopefully we’ll go for coffee soon.
It’s tough and it really sucks at times (my DH has been in and out of town for training a lot lately too). Chatting with friends I miss and travelling home for the odd weekend has helped with my overall happiness but making friends is way harder then i remember lol
Post # 16
Oh wow! Thank you for your responses!
It’s sad to think that there are so many people feeling the same 🙁 I hope we can all feel more settled soon.
And lots of great advice – particulary about joining a group (like volunteering). You’ve reminded me that I was considering a short church course (we are currently “church hunting” for one which we feel at home in). It would mean rearranging other evening plans, might would be worth it to meet some more people.
The boom club idea sounds rather good too, although I’m not sure how to find one?! Wouldn’t want to be the instigator/leader…
I’m going to bed feeling much more positive 🙂 It’s nice it have a bit of a plan.