(Closed) Friend Middle of Divorce/Me Getting Married

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My sister was like that for awhile. It gets better. My sister didn’t have many people who know her and him very well so we (myself and my other sisters) were who she talked to the most about it. They still are not finalized because he’s a jerk and doesn’t want to pay her for her half of the house, but she’s at a point now where she can be happy and help with wedding ideas.

Post # 4
Member
255 posts
Helper bee

I understand your frustration but part of being a friend is being there for those long drawn out tough times

I completely commend you for not wanting to drown her in wedding talk, but while you have a really exciting event coming up she is feeling like her whole life is crashing down around her – I think you need to just suck it up (and secretly plan your wedding in your head if she goes on and on!)

 

Post # 5
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think she really needs you right now, and you should try your best to support her. Like reinab said, she’ll probably move on in her own time.

Post # 6
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I completely understand how you feel.  My ex-MOH was going through a divorce and I spent hours every day on the phone with her, listening to her whine about what a jerk he was or listening to her talk about her sexual escapades since she’d been separated.  It’s draining and difficult, especially if you feel she is not returning the friendship.   

Ask her if you can discuss other things other than the wedding and her impending divorce.  Tell her that you are exhausted from all the wedding stuff and you want to have some normal girl time.  Maybe go see a girly movie (or a scary movie if she’s anti-romance right now) or go to a busy bar or coffee shop where you can people watch and chit chat.  She most likely won’t go on about her divorce in public.  And she will move on, as the PP’s said, but you can’t be her only venting source.  Your happiness gets put to the side for her misery and that’s not fair to you.  I would just try to distract her, be there for her, but not excessively.  Misery loves company and you don’t want her to make this happy time completely miserable for you.  Good luck. 

Post # 7
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think you should be there as much as possible for her. These are the times when you can tell your true friends from the ones who are just there for the sunshine.

It will probably take months, but eventually, she’ll bounce back. In the meantime, you should schedule ‘girl time’ where you do lighthearted things, but do them because it will help her, don’t do it just because you’re tired of listening to her talk. I’ve been in a similar situation (on your side of things), and being there for her is the most important thing you can do.

Yes, it does mean you’ll have to hear the same stories over and over. But it also means that when she comes out on the other side of this, she’ll know that you’re a true friend.

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