(Closed) Friend miscarried – what can I do?

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
1003 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Just be a good friend and be there for her when she asks. Also not to forget about this baby, and not ignore the fact that she did miscarry. 

Sorry for her loss.

Post # 4
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I had a friend who has had several miscarriages, and I didn’t know what to do, so I didn’t do anything. Months later, she casually mentioned how she would have appreciated it if people had sent her “in sympathy” or “praying for you” cards. oops.

Post # 5
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

When I miscarried I didn’t like talking about it at all. I think if she does want to, she’ll bring it up. I do agree that it’s nice to get a card or something though, showing that you’re thinking about her.

Post # 6
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2000

This just happened to me as well… a friend at work was doing IVF, she got pregnant right away but lost the baby. We were pregnant at the same time, due two weeks apart. It took a couple weeks for her to want to talk… and it was really hard. I knew nothing I could say could fix it or make her feel better. I just tried to be a good friend. We kept our routine of going out for lunch. I tried to keep conversations to different things until she was ready to talk. After a few weeks she’s looking forward to her next round of IVF with a positive attitude. 🙂 

Post # 7
Member
3363 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

The worst two things people said to me were:

1. “There must have been something wrong with the baby because everything happens for a reason.”  This comment is just empty and meaningless to someone going through something that is so awful that there just isn’t an explanation. 

2. If it was an early miscarriage, “It wasn’t a baby yet, it was just a bunch of cells.”  Well, it was still something that my husband and I created together that would have been a human life.  I don’t have a blood clot, I had a miracle that died.

I would just tell her you are sorry, take her out for a pedicure, or dinner.  Just be there.

Post # 8
Member
2077 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My FI’s cousin miscarried a couple years ago and as soon as we found out we sent her a really bright and colorful flower arrangement that simply said, “Thinking of you. Love Always, Lee & Lindsay” on the card.

Something small that lets her know you’re keeping her in your thoughts is appropriate and will help her feel better.  Even if just a little bit.

Post # 10
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I would just let her know that you’re there if she wants to talk. Try to avoid saying things like heathaah mentioned above along with, “at least you know now you can get pregnant!” Ignoring it would be the worst possible thing to do as well. Even taking her out for coffee or go shopping to get her mind off of things would help.

Post # 11
Member
46594 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Don’t be afraid to say out loud”I’m sorry for your loss”. Many women who have miscarried have told me that the most helpful thing was to have that loss acknowledged.

The least helpful were comments like those previously mentioned. Treat this just like the death of any other family member.

 

Post # 12
Member
3363 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

@julies1949:  agree completely.  Recognizing the loss is huge. 

Post # 14
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I really appreciated flowers and cards that I got. I didn’t want to talk about it, since it was a personal thing for me to deal with, but it was good to know that people were there for me if I did want to talk.

Post # 16
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@Sunchick19: I think either way is fine. You can’t go wrong by putting both their names on it. But if you want to write a special card or note to your friend (the woman) I don’t think you need to address it to the husband as well. But you should definitely reference him somehow in the note.

The topic ‘Friend miscarried – what can I do?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors