- 2 years ago
This is more a vent than anything, I guess. I don’t feel like the people in my life get this struggle and I don’t want to bad mouth my friend to them….so, the internet will do. :p
I don’t know how to put this all this, but one of my friends may be facing homelessness in the next few months. So, of course I’ve offered her a place to stay.
Let’s call this friend Jo
To start off Jo, is a great friend, intellgent, she’s kind, she’s has a passion for art and anime. Very neat and organized.
Cutting to the chase, I’m nervous she’ll never leave. Literally. We’re both serious homebodies. She doesn’t have a job and anyone close to her. She will be here 24/7 and will take serious offense to be asked to vacate for a day.
Which I’m going to try and ask her to do once a week. I know she’ll take issue with this, because the person she lives with now asked her to give her a day alone and she was hurt by that. They live in a very tiny apartment and Jo sleeps in the living room. Jo has been living there for 7 months. I don’t think this person was being mean or unreasonable.
Jo is now holding a grudge against this person. (Which isn’t why she needs to move in with me. This person is moving to another state)
Jo always sees things in black and white. I wouldn’t say she’s sensitive, but she doesn’t forgive easily–no matter the offense. She doesn’t seem to understand that mistakes/accidents happen or the complexity of emotional situations. I don’t think she’ll grasp that my fiance and I will need time to be actually *alone*. I often feel as if she is mildly autistic. I don’t mean that in a mean way, but sometimes it just seems like there’s such a severe lack of understanding.
I’m also really nervous that Jo will never move out on her own and I’ll have to kick her out.
She kind of has unrealistic expectations.
1. I really don’t think she’s applying for jobs–or at least the type of jobs she can get. I’ve told her she needs to take anything tossed her way until she can build a decent resume. She really doesn’t like this idea. Every job I’ve sent her she’s turned down. She has only ever worked with her dad and she was fired.
1.5 She just doesn’t really have any motivation to change her situation. Ever. She’s always been like this. She didn’t want to live with her dad, but just never got out until he forced her.
2. She wants to rent her own apartment. Which isn’t impossible, but, with the way rent is in our area it’s unlikely. She’s going to have to rent a room. She doesn’t want to room with someone she doesn’t know.
These 2 things are going to keep her living with us forever.
I feel like I’m being a terrible friend. That I shouldn’t be worried about this. I should just have her move in and trust she’ll move out. I thought about giving her a deadline, but I’m not sure that I’ll be able to kick her out if that deadline passes and she’s still here. I know she’ll resent me for that.
Honestly, I would have had her move in with us a while ago if it weren’t for this issue. I’m getting married in the summer of 2019. I don’t want to start married life with a roommate.
So, what would you do in this situation? Does anyone have friends that just…have failed to launch?
What can I do to help her basically start her life. I feel like I have to set everything up for her.
Are there any resources she should be looking into?