Friend Moving in

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 61
59 posts
Worker bee

I was in a similar situation and let my best friend stay with me for a week after she lost her job as a nurse, and that turned into 6 months. Turns out she had an addiction to adderall. When she stole my credit cards from my mail, I kicked her out. This is the short version.

This story has a happy ending. After I kicked her out, she got treatment for her addiction and has been clean one month so far. She’s getting therapy, going to meetings, and applying for jobs. She gained weight (in a good way) and looks healthy. 

She apologized to me genuinely, and appreciates that I helped her, but admitted me kicking her out was what got her to turn her life around. I was completely enabling her, which everyone told me, but I ignored it.

My point is, you are probably doing her a favor by not letting her live with you, as hard as it is. When I kicked her out, I felt the same guilt you do now. Now I feel guilty I didn’t kick her out sooner. If she’s a true friend, she eventually will understand. I’m proud of you for setting boundaries.

Post # 62
969 posts
Busy bee

Bad idea. Once she’s in you will have to go to court to legally evict her. You are playing with fire. 

Post # 63
1713 posts
Bumble bee

I second what everyone else is saying. You should not be offering her assistance whatsoever unless its normal friendship support aka emotional support, a shoulder to cry on. 

You shouldn’t be offering her money of any kind nor a place to stay. 

Your instincts about her are spot on. 

Here is the thing. If a friend is a functioning member of society but something has happened where they need a helping hand that is one thing. Say your friend got divorced and needs a place to stay for 2 months, etc. But someone who is already a functioning person shouldn’t need to stay with someone for that long because they are capable and motivated to get their stuff together. Aka if they lost their job they would go get whatever they could find because they are aware they have to pay their bills. 

This woman isn’t someone you can help because her circumstances aren’t situational they are personal. What I mean is, she is in this mess because of choices she is making. She is choosing to be too picky over what job she wants even thought she knows where that will get her. Homeless. In this situation you don’t need to feel guilty at all. You have nothing to feel guilty for. She is responsible for her own life. She can go get a job at mcdonalds tomorrow and take care of herself. If she chooses to not do that, well then that is too bad but you aren’t going to pick up her slack. Not your job. 


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