Post # 1
So I am getting married in June and my friend is getting married in August. Originally she was going to be a bridesmaid, but my fiance and I decided to have a private ceremony in Mexico, so I am not having a “traditional” wedding. She, however, is having a traditional wedding and I will be a bridesmaid in her wedding.
My friend has already sent an email about her bachelorette party which is going to be 3 nights in Las Vegas, a few weeks after my wedding. I honestly am going to have a LOT of trouble scraping money together to afford this, but I figured that since I am her bridesmaid, I have to figure out a way to go. I think it would be rude not to. I told her in the email that I will be coming (even though I am stressing about how to afford it).
As for me, I am still going to have a bachelorette party the weekend before I go to Mexico and I just sent an email to her and my other girlfriends about it. It will just be one night out on the town in our city, nothing big – barhopping, basically.
She sent me an email back saying she’s not sure if she can come because she has a big work event 3 days later and will have to be planning for it.
WHAT? Honestly this pissed me off. I’m asking her to come out on ONE Saturday night to go barhopping. She doesn’t even have to drink. I know it’s not a big fancy event but its still my Bachelorette Party!
Would it be wrong for me to cancel on Vegas in a few weeks? I was going to try to afford it but now that she’s saying she might not even come to my little party… it’s really pissing me off. I feel like I am doing a LOT by taking work off and scraping hundreds of dollars together to go to Vegas for her, but she can’t even go out one night with me?
What do you think? I don’t want to start problems, especially since I am going to be a bridesmaid in her wedding, but UGH!
Post # 3
That would bug me too. But I would say the best thing to do would be to talk to her in a positive way.
If it were me I would probably bring up to her that you would like to go but aren’t sure you can afford it. I don’t know where you live but expecting someone to be able to go on a trip to Vegas is not necessary reasonable. If you really don’t want to go just tell her you can’t afford it.
You could also tell her it would really mean a lot to you if she went out with you for your bachelorette party, even if she just came out a little while and had to leave early.
Post # 4
@FireflyT: Totally agree. This would be the most ideal way to handle a situation like this. You obviously value her friendship, so be honest yet tactful.
Post # 5
I would tell her just what u told us, she may not realise what a sacrifice you are making for her,
Post # 6
You both are adults. You both are friends, right? It sounds like she was being honest with you. You should be honest with her too and tell her you can’t afford a 3 day trip to Vegas after a wedding in Mexico. You’re mad at her because she was honest with you? You’re mad at her because she has a strong work ethic and wants to do well for her job?
Post # 7
Tell her you can’t make it because of the expense. She has to understand that not everyone can swing $1,000 on a vegas bender bachelorette party, especially directly after returning from a honeymoon. Don’t say you aren’t coming because she is taking a pass on yours though. That will start WWIII and you will probably lose a friend.
Post # 8
I’d say this is an easy fix. Tell her you can’t afford it. If she doesn’t understand, she probably isn’t worth the friendship.
Post # 9
I don’t think you should do a tit for tat. But I also think that you are not obligated to shell out 1000 dollars to go to Vegas. If you have your Bparty in Vegas you do so knowing that not everyone may be able to swing it.
Post # 10
@kandyapples: It wouldn’t sit right with me either if I am expected to go to Vegas and she cannot come to mine. She could at least spend a an hour or two to put in some face time as your friend, then excuse herself for work-related duties. But, if you cannot afford to go on this Vegas bender with her, then don’t do it. You are just getting back into town yourself and let her know that you will be unable to make it due to finances. Say “I tried to swing it, but I won’t have any extra money to carry me so soon after my own wedding”. Stick to your guns. But under no circumstances mention you aren’t going to mine, so I am not going to yours. That would be immature.
Post # 11
I don’t agree with a tit for tat either, but I can see where your feelings are coming from & would prop feel the exact same way.
The vegas decision is 100% yours, no matter if she comes to your party or not, decide if YOU want & can afford to go. Base your decision soley on that.
Post # 12
personally, i wouldnt go to her bachelorette party if i couldnt REALLY afford to do it… if u and ur hubby have 2 make sacrifices like i dunno.. eating top ramen noodles for a week just to go 2 her party when she cant even go to urs is a bit much… im just sayin…