(Closed) Friend not attending my bachelorette party – do I have to go to hers?!

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

That would bug me too. But I would say the best thing to do would be to talk to her in a positive way.

If it were me I would probably bring up to her that you would like to go but aren’t sure you can afford it. I don’t know where you live but expecting someone to be able to go on a trip to Vegas is not necessary reasonable. If you really don’t want to go just tell her you can’t afford it.


You could also tell her it would really mean a lot to you if she went out with you for your bachelorette party, even if she just came out a little while and had to leave early.

Post # 4
31 posts
  • Wedding: June 2013

@FireflyT: Totally agree. This would be the most ideal way to handle a situation like this. You obviously value her friendship, so be honest yet tactful.

Post # 5
2459 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I would tell her just what u told us, she may not realise what a sacrifice you are making for her, 

Post # 6
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

You both are adults. You both are friends, right? It sounds like she was being honest with you. You should be honest with her too and tell her you can’t afford a 3 day trip to Vegas after a wedding in Mexico. You’re mad at her because she was honest with you? You’re mad at her because she has a strong work ethic and wants to do well for her job?

Post # 7
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Tell her you can’t make it because of the expense. She has to understand that not everyone can swing $1,000 on a vegas bender bachelorette party, especially directly after returning from a honeymoon. Don’t say you aren’t coming because she is taking a pass on yours though. That will start WWIII and you will probably lose a friend.

Post # 8
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’d say this is an easy fix.  Tell her you can’t afford it.  If she doesn’t understand, she probably isn’t worth the friendship. 

Post # 9
3267 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t think you should do a tit for tat.  But I also think that you are not obligated to shell out 1000 dollars to go to Vegas.  If you have your Bparty in Vegas you do so knowing that not everyone may be able to swing it.


Post # 10
189 posts
Blushing bee

@kandyapples: It wouldn’t sit right with me either if I am expected to go to Vegas and she cannot come to mine. She could at least spend a an hour or two to put in some face time as your friend, then excuse herself for work-related duties. But, if you cannot afford to go on this Vegas bender with her, then don’t do it. You are just getting back into town yourself and let her know that you will be unable to make it due to finances. Say “I tried to swing it, but I won’t have any extra money to carry me so soon after my own wedding”. Stick to your guns. But under no circumstances mention you aren’t going to mine, so I am not going to yours. That would be immature. 

Post # 11
5271 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I don’t agree with a tit for tat either, but I can see where your feelings are coming from & would prop feel the exact same way.

The vegas decision is 100% yours, no matter if she comes to your party or not, decide if YOU want & can afford to go. Base your decision soley on that.

Post # 12
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

personally, i wouldnt go to her bachelorette party if i couldnt REALLY afford to do it… if u and ur hubby have 2 make sacrifices like i dunno.. eating top ramen noodles for a week just to go 2 her party when she cant even go to urs is a bit much… im just sayin…

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