(Closed) Friend not coming to my shower (long vent)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1955 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

Ugh, totally feel your pain, I had a similar thing happen where some friends didn’t come to the shower (including a bridesmaid) for very stupid reasons, even after I’d told them all the date several months beforehand…

I don’t have much advice for you other than to try not to take it personally…I know it’s really hard.  What I’ve basically had to do is compartmentalize “wedding” vs real life.  In real life, I love my friends.  In wedding life, my friends have totally sucked.

I’m sorry tho! 

Post # 4
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I dont really know what to say but I personally would be pissed because if you had told her about it for months and she knew and planned on coming, that would be so rude of her to schedule another party and then be so nonchalant about it when you talked to her. There’s always another side but I would be upset, too. Is she a BM? To me, your shower is a little more important than a wine party. I say you call her and discuss things with her, tell her you feel. Be honest. I mean, the worst that could happen is that she doesn’t come. I’m sorry 🙁

Post # 5
683 posts
Busy bee

I think from a guest standpoint- it’s incredibly rude. However- I come from the camp of not thinking showers are the most special thing ever- and she probably regarded it as just another gathering. While I think she was rude to say she would make it and then not make it a priority- I wouldn’t take it too personally- or at least don’t let it ruin your shower!

Post # 6
179 posts
Blushing bee

A one hour distance isn’t really that much of an excuse for her not to be able to come, esp. if she knew in advance and still planned all of these parties. The fact that she can’t come to the bachelorette party for understandable reasons should be motivation enough for her to try to make it to the bridal shower.

Honestly you should just really brush it off. There’s not much you can do. You’ve already called her expressing your disappointment so you should just leave it at that. Maybe from now on you should really think about going out of your way for this friend again. You have other friends who are making it a priority to be at your shower so don’t sweat over it too much. 🙂

Post # 8
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I would mention something to her like “I knew you couldn’t come to my bachelorette party but I was really hoping you’d at least be at my shower.” I don’t think I’d actually *ask* her to change anything but let her know how you feel and hopefully that might make her think about what she should do.

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