Post # 1
So, I’m trying to be rational and decide if I’m being a Bridezilla here…
A family member is throwing me a bridal shower in a couple of weeks. We’ve had the date set for months now, and even though the invites just went out I’ve told close friends to ‘save the date’ for awhile now, including “S”. So S and I have been friends for 6-7 years now after meeting at a job, we live about an hour drive apart, so we aren’t close on a daily basis but we’ve kept in touch consistently for all of the big stuff and try to get together 3-6 times per year. S isn’t able to come to my bachelorette party, which is in Vegas, for financial reasons and I totally understand. Meanwhile, a week or so ago I get a call from S inviting me to a wine tasting party she is having – I guess its like a tupperware party, but for a brand of wine. Her wine party falls on my bachelorette party weekend which has been booked for some time now, so of course I can’t go. Now, the weird part. S is married to a man who has a son from a previous relationship. S has had a difficult and troubled history with the Ex/baby’s mama, but apparently they are getting along quite well now. It seems that S and the Ex are co-hosting two of these wine parties together, and the Ex’s wine party falls on the day of my shower! So the shower invites went out last week, and the next morning I get a cheerful phone call from S lamenting on how sad it is that I can’t come to either of her wine parties, and she can’t come to my bachelorette party or my shower.
So, maybe I’m being a bridezilla, but i’m seriously PO’d she’s not coming to my bridal shower. I have celebrated her family in a number of ways including throwing her a baby shower when her daughter was born. I left her a message in response to her message, basically saying that I will be really upset if she doesn’t come and hopefully she can figure something out. Am I overreacting? Should I do or say anything if she really doesn’t come, or just stew about it privately?
Post # 3
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
Ugh, totally feel your pain, I had a similar thing happen where some friends didn’t come to the shower (including a bridesmaid) for very stupid reasons, even after I’d told them all the date several months beforehand…
I don’t have much advice for you other than to try not to take it personally…I know it’s really hard. What I’ve basically had to do is compartmentalize “wedding” vs real life. In real life, I love my friends. In wedding life, my friends have totally sucked.
I’m sorry tho!
Post # 4
I dont really know what to say but I personally would be pissed because if you had told her about it for months and she knew and planned on coming, that would be so rude of her to schedule another party and then be so nonchalant about it when you talked to her. There’s always another side but I would be upset, too. Is she a BM? To me, your shower is a little more important than a wine party. I say you call her and discuss things with her, tell her you feel. Be honest. I mean, the worst that could happen is that she doesn’t come. I’m sorry 🙁
Post # 5
I think from a guest standpoint- it’s incredibly rude. However- I come from the camp of not thinking showers are the most special thing ever- and she probably regarded it as just another gathering. While I think she was rude to say she would make it and then not make it a priority- I wouldn’t take it too personally- or at least don’t let it ruin your shower!
Post # 6
A one hour distance isn’t really that much of an excuse for her not to be able to come, esp. if she knew in advance and still planned all of these parties. The fact that she can’t come to the bachelorette party for understandable reasons should be motivation enough for her to try to make it to the bridal shower.
Honestly you should just really brush it off. There’s not much you can do. You’ve already called her expressing your disappointment so you should just leave it at that. Maybe from now on you should really think about going out of your way for this friend again. You have other friends who are making it a priority to be at your shower so don’t sweat over it too much. 🙂
Post # 7
Thanks girls! S is not a bridesmaid, and there is no way I would let her absence take away from the shower. Its going to be fun and special with or without her. I will definitely rethink going out of my way for her ever again.
Post # 8
I would mention something to her like “I knew you couldn’t come to my bachelorette party but I was really hoping you’d at least be at my shower.” I don’t think I’d actually *ask* her to change anything but let her know how you feel and hopefully that might make her think about what she should do.