(Closed) Friend not coming to wedding because she isn't a bridesmaid

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

If this is true, I would ignore it. However, is all of this secondhand information? Have you tried reaching out to her personally to see what’s wrong?

Post # 3
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

This girl sounds a little unhinged… honestly, if she’s behaving like this, why would you WANT her to come to your wedding? But before you do anything drastic, I would reach out to her personally and see whats up, you want to confirm whats going on personally. Depending on what she says, you can make a decision.

You have done nothing wrong. If she has been having personal issues and thats the reason why she hasn’t been participating, thats one thing. Its an entirely different matter if she’s doing this because she’s jealous. 

First, reach out. If what you think is true, then ignore her.

Post # 4
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

dontstopbeelievin:  I’m that friend that realizes they aren’t as good of a friend as they thought they were when they aren’t invited to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  I admit that there is one wedding I did not go out of my way to attend because I wasn’t invited to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  Our friendship pretty much fizzled out after that.  Even being a good friend with the bride does not ensure you a place as a Bridesmaid or Best Man because she may have childhood friends or cousins that she has to include.  It took me a while to get over it but I did.

I will say that being invited to the Bachelorette Party for a few weddings where I was friends with the bride was more hurtful because it underscored that I wasn’t a member of the bridal party.  So while you were obviously trying to be friendly and include her, it may not have come off that way to her.  Saying anything to her will only make her few worse and likely make the situation even more awkward.  Honestly, she needs to grow up and deal with it.  If it means she doesn’t want to be your friend anymore then you need to deal with that too.

Post # 5
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

dontstopbeelievin:  Of course you ignore it.  You are correct that you did nothing wrong so if she wants to have a tantrum, let her.  She’s not obligated to attend any of your functions if she doesn’t want too.  

It sounds as if you’ve purposely kept your distance from her in the past precisely because of stunts like these, so why run after her now? 

If she doesn’t attend your wedding, where you go from there is up to you.  You can write her off for good or simply be the same as you’ve ever been toward her.  How she behaves toward you is up to her. 

Post # 6
678 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB

She sounds immature as hell to be honest. and i wouldn’t let her actions bother me a bit.

Post # 7
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

dontstopbeelievin:  Ignore it and not chase her, leave it like that? Yep, that’s what I would do too. I don’t want anyone at my wedding that I have to chase around. Of course you didn’t do anything wrong! People who behave this way do it to get a rise out of you. It’s very entitled. 🙁

Post # 8
1213 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

dontstopbeelievin:  I’d talk to her personally, but not bring up the bridesmaid thing at all. Just be like “I missed you at the shower and realize you can’t make it to the bachelorette party, but I’m hoping you can sitll come to the wedding, I’d really love to have you there!” Make it a positive thing. Then if she doesn’t come it’s her choice, but you tried to be a good friend. 🙂

Post # 9
4043 posts
Honey bee

dontstopbeelievin:  I think you dogged a bullet, with that gal. Who knows what she would have done, if she attened any of the events/wedding, to get attention.

Post # 10
45 posts

She sounds like the type to make everything be about her. I would leave her alone, she just may cause you more stress on your big day.

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