(Closed) Friend Not Given Plus One but is Bringing Her Mom as Guest without Asking

posted 6 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Just tell her no. Say, “Friend, you know I love your mom, but…this is kind of awkward, we don’t really have the room for extra guests. We are actually on a strict budget. It’s so sweet that your mom wants to come to the wedding, though, I so appreciate the thought.”

Post # 4
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Don’t feel weird, she is being extremely rude and is hoping that you will avoid the confrontation.  It sucks but you’ve got to grow some ovaries and deal with it.  Just call her up and say “I’m sorry if there was a misunderstanding but the invite was for you alone–we just don’t have the space or budget to give everyone plus ones or to be able to host everyone we want to come.”

Post # 5
Member
2067 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Slightly different from your main topic, but I had friends asking about bringing dates as well.  I told them that we had limited space at our reception venue and that it just wasn’t possible on that end.  I said that they were welcome to come to the ceremony, but that it could be kinda weird since they can’t do the reception.

Post # 6
Member
46414 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I suggest you don’t mention “budget” when you remind her that the invitation was for her alone. There are always those people who offer to pay for the extra plate.

Just say that you cannot accomodate any more guests.

Post # 7
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)

@julies1949:  I agree. A simple but firm “no” is best. You don’t need to go into details – it’s not her business.

Post # 8
Member
2067 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@julies1949:  Yes… Don’t mention budget… I’ve heard of that issue happening one too many times… “Oh! I’ll just pay for so and so’s plate then!”

Post # 9
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Like the others said just tell her and explain.  I had to do that some, I’m in a sorority, and chose only a select few sisters plus significant others to invite due to space, and I’ve been asked/ told by girls that their bringing other sorority sisters as dates even though they weren’t given dates as their single, so I had to stop that one or I would have like 40 extra people real fast.   Good luck and I’m sure it will be fine so don’t worry and you shouldn’t feel obligated to invite them either, she was in the wrong not asking first!

Post # 10
Member
516 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I wouldn’t definitely come out and tell her no. With or without a reason. It’s your wedding!

This is specifically why we decided to put a “We have reserved ___ seats in your honor” on the RSVP card. People..sheesh.

 

Post # 12
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

This is one of my fears as well. I think that @moonadea and @julies1949 have just the right idea.

Post # 13
Member
5405 posts
Bee Keeper

I think you definitely should feel ok telling her no if that’s what you want. But on the other hand, IF you have a relationship with this woman and don’t think allowing her to come would open the doors for other people you know to invite themselves, you could just go with it. I realize my opinion may be unpopular, feel free to ignore it! I’m a people pleaser and I just thought I might mention that option. Of course it is your day so whatever you decide is what you should go with! 🙂

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