(Closed) Friend offered to host a May bridal shower for me – but is now hosting a “tea”

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Apart from the name and the gifts, there’s no real difference in the gathering: guests socializing and having a nice time. Take the guest list out of the picture for a moment and try to put your finger on what bothers you. If it’s the lack of gifts, then either accept that, or speak up, but don’t let it fester. For all you know, your friend dropped the “shower” name since your Fi will be there, knowing that many men hate the word “shower.” It’s too girly (although tbh “tea” isn’t a whole lot better).

Post # 4
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Echoing @fishbone:   is the problem here the presents, or the people?   If its the presents…well…to be blunt…you gotta get over it – you’ll be getting plenty of presents at your wedding.  If its the people, talk to your bridesmaids or your mom about the idea of having another party that you can plan with them – just for the girls if thats what you really wanted – but not a shower.  There have been some really great suggestions for lovely and fun non-shower get togethers on here.

Honestly I hope the whole concept of bridal showers falls out of favor soon. The expectation of having one seems to create awkward situations or disappointment really often, and its not because you’re gift grabby or selfish or whatever – its because we expect it, culturally.  But really, its not the 1950s anymore – most of us already own plenty of STUFF, or get plenty of stuff for our weddings, and the whole idea of it is old fashioned and sexist: “better get the bride some kitchen stuff so she can start cooking and cleaning like a good wife should!!”  My Fiance cooks more than I do, why should I get the pots and pans?!  Haha…  but seriously, I know its a disappointing feeling. My mom was bummed when I told her I didn’t want one. Enjoy what this friend is hosting for you, and again, have a blast throwing your own non-gift party if you want to have a day with the girls! Thats what I’d do  🙂

Post # 5
Bee
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

Do you have any bridesmaids or an aunt that could host a shower for you maybe 2 weeks before your wedding?  If they started getting shit together now, they could pull it off.  

Post # 6
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mandypop:  Agreed. I think a tea sounds lovely.

Post # 7
Bee
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

@Frog E.:  A tea IS nice – but I can understand how the OP is feeling let down if she was expecting a 40 person shower with handwritten recipie cards and towel cake gifts etc.  

I think you should still try to see if a bridesmaid, an aunt, or a family friend could throw something together.  They have time if they send out invites in the next week or two. 

Post # 8
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@eagle:  I hear you, but I’m in the camp of trying to appreciate what you do have, rather than being upset about what you don’t. I told my Maid/Matron of Honor that I didn’t need a shower, a tea would be fine, but I didn’t even get that (her family has been having financial difficulties and it was just all a bit too much for her). So maybe I am bringing in too much of my own personal bias, but…

Post # 9
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@Frog E.:  I understand, but the lady offered a full blown shower and has since cut it down to a 6 person “tea.” Don’t worry OP, I would be disappointed too. Not because of the presents (although yeah, who doesn’t like presents) but more the expectation and excitement of a shower, reduced to something much more low key and not as exciting. I guess if you weren’t excited and looking forward to a shower, then a tea is fine. But it’s where expectations and promises don’t get met that disappointment happens.

Post # 10
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I understand the let down. I don’t even think it has as much to do with the gifts as the expectation of what a shower is celebrating, with more than just 4 people coming over. Plus, it’s like that situation when a bachelorette just turns into a girls night – if you call it a tea it isn’t necessarily a party in the bride (or groom’s) honor and it’s just people gathering for a tea. It isn’t really the pre-wedding event that was promised. Forget the gifts, a bridal shower is something that most brides in today’s day and age look forward to as a celebration of the upcoming nuptials, whether or not they get gifts (at least in my mind, not for everyone I know). 

Post # 12
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

A bridal tea is normally hosted by an aunt or grandma on the morning of the wedding or the Friday morning before. There aren’t presents involved and is just a nice girly get together. At least in the south. This is common and I wouldn’t bring a present if I was invited to a tea.

I would say something to your friend that you were hoping for a shower instead?

Post # 13
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

PS: OP I too wanted a shower with the games and all my friends around me. A tea is WAY more low key. And I can’t imagine couples wanting to go? Would your Darling Husband want to attend?

Post # 14
Member
2616 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

do you know for sure that the church congregation isnt planning something for you?? i just found out by the pastors wife that the ladies of the church do a shower for each bride in the congregation… mine has to be after the wedding because there was some major miscommunication on who was the “first bride” of the season in church.. lol.. the bride who is getting married a week after me is having her shower thrown two weeks befor her wedding…

 

 

Post # 16
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Oh no…that doesn’t sound like a very good “friend” to me….

So sorry OP.

I would feel hurt too.

But your wedding is coming up so SOON!

Don’t dwell on it!

Move on!

(And now you know who your friends really are!)

Hugs and best of luck!

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