(Closed) Friend pissy about not being in the wedding party…TWO AND A HALF MONTHS LATER!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It always surprises me when people get offended somehow that they weren’t invited to be part of a wedding party. It’s not like being in the wedding party grants you any special powers or something.


I’m not even sure what you would say to this woman to smooth things over with her.  She needs to build a bridge and get over it.  

Post # 5
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Just fib and tell her if you could go back in time you would have made her a damn bridesmaid.

 

Yeah….short of that, I’m not sure what you could say to get her to shut her trap about it.  Some women really think that being a bridesmaid is the end all be all.

 

 

Post # 7
Member
1748 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@JaneyDcat:  YES!!! After the last wedding I was in I thought, “Okay…is this the last one?? Do I have any other friends who will potentially ask me to be a bm?” I never understand this. I think you’ve done a great job just pushing it aside and ignoring her snarky comments, but now that it’s been 2 1/2 months later and she’s not letting up- it may be time to have a talk with her.

Girl needs to get over it and move on with her life!

Post # 8
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Well, you can keep ignoring her comments, or the next time she makes one, you can say, “You know, C, I’ve noticed that you frequently bring up the fact that you’re not a member of the wedding party. Are you upset about something? Would you like to talk about it?”  Sometimes all it takes is being called out gently to get someone to stop their passive aggressive bullshit.

I’m with you, though. I hate that nonsense.

Post # 10
Member
511 posts
Busy bee

Well, the starting of the speech about her not being in the bridal party makes sense to me — if that had been me, I would have just said it in case people were confused about why I was speaking (i.e. “She’s not a bridesmaid! Why is she making a speech??”). I wouldn’t take that as a jab specifically at you, designed to make you feel guilty. Same with the standing in place for her hubby. It’s quite possible that she genuinely thought she was being helpful.

Maybe she isn’t upset about it, but feels awkward. And maybe she even thinks you feel awkward too. These comments could be her way of trying to make it a normal conversation topic that people aren’t scared to tiptoe around in an attempt to make it less awkward. 

I like to try to see the best in people’s actions, and in this case it could just be an example of both sides seeing the situation entirely differently. 

Post # 11
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee

Strange. I can definitely see why she wouldn’t have female friends if she doesn’t. I have the opposite problem. I have actively announced my retirement from bridesmaidhood but somehow keep on getting drawn in. Anyway, what would I do??? Probably tell her off but I am a bit irrational like that. I would probably make some snide remark back and make her feel dumb for bringing it up so often. I know her feelings were hurt but it is your wedding. 

Post # 12
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee

@geekspice:  +111.  Use geekspice’s suggestion to stop her passive-aggressive BS and put an end to this.

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