- 9 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
I am mostly sad about this, but I am not going to lie, I am slightly resentful.
I have a friend. She’s a few years older than me, and she did everything first – got married a few years ago, had a daughter, is pregnant with her second, etc. All good stuff. I was SO excited for her on all of those things. I volunteered to address invitations, I visited venues with her, I helped with her Vegas bachelorette party. I helped her move to LA and drove up to visit her regularly. We went to water parks for her birthday, Vegas for her birthday, concerts for her birthday.I spent $500 on baby presents for her first baby and helped assemble the stroller during another LA visit. I volunteered to host her wedding and baby showers, but her mom beat me to it both times.
Before I got engaged, I was starting to get annoyed. She has never, in the 5 years since she moved to LA, driven down to visit me (sometimes, she’ll invite me to drive 20 miles from my house to see her when she is visiting her parents in the area, but that’s it). She has never gone to any party or event I have ever had. To be fair, I haven’t thrown many, but the several I have, she didn’t make it. I bought a house at 23, which was a big deal for me; it took her 18 months to just stop by for 10 minutes on her way back home to see it.
When I got engaged, I thought (maybe just hoped) it would be a little different. After all, that is little stuff, this is big, LIFE CHANGING stuff. But no. I understand on the little stuff, I am not saying she needs to drop everything to help me plan a wedding, but my bachelorette party is in 30 minutes, and she won’t be there because she didn’t bother to find a babysitter. I am about 50-50 as to whether she’ll even end up coming to the actual wedding, because it’s not really convenient for her.
I am not mad, really, just hurt. I am hurt that it took me so long to realize that our friendship was based on the single, unattached me being able to focus so wholly on HER life. Now that I am finally doing some of these things myself and can’t be totally focused on her anymore, our contact is almost non-existent. One of the worst parts of wedding planning so far is realizing who doesn’t care all that much, when you thought they did. It makes me so sad; I had a wonderful time celebrating those things with her, but I guess it’s just not worth it when it’s not her stuff we’re celebrating.
Oh well, pity party over. I am about to be picked up by my bridal party for 24 hours of fun (I don’t even know what we’re doing yet!) There won’t be a lot of girls there today, but I know they are so excited for me and have worked so hard for this, so what the party lacks in numbers it makes up for in sincerity and quality of friendship. So excited!