- 2 years ago
- Wedding: May 2019
This is a very confusing post for me to write because I’m really not sure which forum it belongs in (Relationships, Emotional, and African-American all seemed applicable for reasons you’ll soon understand) but here goes. I’ve been experiencing more and more weirdness and resentment from a close friend regarding my fiance’s racial background. I’m African American and my fiance is biracial (African American/Caucausian). This was never a difficult matter for us nor our loved ones until recently. Lately a friend of mine(she’s AA) has expressed more and more of a complex regarding threats to her romantic future, the latest being biracial people and the idea that my love is only good to me because he’s half White. She’s taken multiple opportunities to apply a sense of “otherness” to him and invalidate his Blackness (and that of one of our other best friends who’s biracial) and I’m at my fucking wit’s end. The harder it’s become for her to establish healthy relationships, the more its become the fault of the world around her and I no longer know how to approach her. It’s pissing me off so much. The notion that Blackness is only “good” if it’s somehow diluted bothered me looooong before I met my fiance, hell it bothers him too, and it used to bother my friend before I met my love and got engaged. I find it incredibly problematic to invalidate the experience of any person of color (POC) or suggest that they’re less worthy of being considered POC due to having a non-POC parent. It’s divisive bullshit that does our communities harm and it’s hard for me to stomach because I see what my fiance goes through (He presents as fully AA) and what we experience as a unit. I have written a previous post about this particular friend expecting to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, to which many of you responded with wonderful advice. Clearly that’s a bad idea for more reasons than I initially considered, so let’s not even waste time rehashing that conversation. I rather this post be self-contained if possible, and I’m just curious if there are other bees going through similar situations, AA or otherwise. Are any of you in interracial relationships or ones like mine that tend to draw similar ire from your peers?