Post # 1
I just need to vent…A good friend of mine who I have know for about 10 years now just called to tell me she will not be attending my wedding next month. Her reason? She’s going to Hawaii instead…and not even during the weekend of my wedding, but two weeks before! She just had a baby a month ago and her in-laws offered to take them next month. I guess she just can’t justify going out of town twice in one month since my wedding is about a 3 hour drive from the bay area, so it would require an overnight stay. She goes to hawaii about once every year, so it’s not like this is a once in a lifetime opportunity…She has always been very flaky to me and my fiancee has always disliked her for how selfish she has been. I am a very forgiving person and always chose to not be confrontational. When the save the dates went out, she told me she will definitely be there and not miss it for anything. The invitations went out and she still said she is coming. My fiancee said all along that he would bet good money that she will find a reason to not come. Today, I got the call from her and I have to say, I think i am done with the friendship. She obviously does nto value it as much as I do, so for that I am sad, but I also need to move on and worry about bigger and better things now. It just sucks cuz I have always been there for everything for her…bridal and baby showers, wedding, bachelorette weekend, etc…she has yet to come to anything for me and always has excuses. I’m thinking that I will wait until after the wedding to address my feelings with her, but am definitely going to speak my mind this time and let her know what a crappy friend she has been to me…sucky!
Post # 3
That is unfortunate. I also had a few friends do this to me (one was actually going to Hawaii too, go figure!) and I gracefully accepted their regret and haven’t spoken to them since. I don’t think it’s necessary to try to call them out, obviously she doesn’t think she’s done anything wrong since she was willing to call you to explain.
Post # 4
it has taken me such a long time to realize this- because i, like you, do not like giving up on friendships and really try and go above and beyond in terms of staying in touch with people, but sometimes it is healthier to let the more one-sided friendships go. and let me tell you, it can be liberating and a good release for a lot of stress. you don’t deserve to be treated that way- you gave the friendship your all, but when push comes to shove, this isn’t a person who you can count on or who considers the friendship as precious as you do. i say let her go and make peace with your decision. you’d be imagine how much self-resepect and confidence you will gain from doing so.
Post # 5
I agree with @moderndaisy: – – it will not make you feel better talking with her. She has hurt your feelings this isn’t the first time nor will it be the last. I am sorry she doesn’t see that she is hurting you. While yes if you told her she might see the light something tells me she won’t change and in the long run if you talk with her and see no change then I’m affraid you’ll get hurt more.
Be proud that you have been a good friend to her. Its ok to feel hurt and angry and mad and sad…As your day gets closer your feelings will simmer and this will pass…
Heads up girl, this is such an exciting time for you
Post # 6
playing devil’s advocate…
…she has a ONE MONTH OLD BABY????? she definitely get’s a “get out of jail free” card in my book, no matter of past history. She has a newborn baby, and was GIVEN a trip to hawaii. Unless shes in the wedding party, I would probably make all the same decisions she did!
it’s a really wicked hard life with a newborn, and i’m sure she said “YES” prior to her giving birth. it sounds like you have some problems with her regardless of her RSVP. But if it’s just the RSVP that’s got you down, cut her some slack.
Post # 7
@futuremrscrawford: I agree with you. A one month old baby does justify not making 2 trips especially when it involves over night stays, in such a short time. Especially if she is breastfeeding.
However, I don’t understand why she would say she was going all along and then all of a sudden has this trip. Most don’t plan a trip like that on a whim unless in the case it was planned, someone else was to go and things fell through, so they were invited. Who knows! I am sorry this has happened, but I’ve seen this happen before and honestly, it is best just to let it go. Enjoy your day to the fullest and afterwards, if she wants to be your friend, let her make the effort. Stop putting yourself out there in turn to only get hurt. If she cares about your friendship, she will make the effort, but if not, then you just learned a valuable lesson on who your friends really are. Been there, done that! Not fun! Good luck!
Post # 8
If this person considers herself a friend she’d of been there. She’s nothing more, and I would re-evaluate putting time into a relationship when something like this happens.
Post # 10
I am so sorry this happen to you! I tell people in moments like this you find out who your true friends are and it’s true. At least she is not in your bridal party.. It seems like she may just be jealous of you. I hate friendships when u give and get nothing in return. you will be fine focus on the good things going on with you!
Post # 11
Maybe she just doesn’t want to leave her baby at home and is giving you a stupid excuse?