(Closed) Friend says she may not come – am I right to be upset?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Would you be upset?
    Yes, say something : (24 votes)
    40 %
    Yes but don't say anything : (29 votes)
    48 %
    No : (7 votes)
    12 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5 posts
    Newbee

    I can understand how your feelings would be hurt. I am sorry someone who you feel is your close friend can not put her own drama aside to join in on your happy event and be there for you for once. You have an absolute right to your feelings. Please do not let yhem or her ruin your special day. You might just have to come to terms that your friend is unwilling to be the kind of friend you were to her. Accecpt her for who she is and move on. Life goes and and yours is taking an exciting new start!! Start it ith love and joy on our heart and be glad no drama mama’s  will be threre to take the attention away from you and your groom.m

    Have a lovely wedding!!!!!

    Post # 4
    Member
    816 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    That’s a tough one.  I can understand how that could be hard for someone.  I have two couples coming to my wedding that are divorced and both either remarried or close to it.  I figure they can deal with it on their own.  But I think I would understand if it was too hard for them.  I know you have your own feelings around why she feels that way and you may be right, but it’s hard to know what’s really going on with someone.  I would definitely try to say something & convince her, but I think it’s important to be understanding.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3596 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2000

    @AbeeCee123:  Sure you can be hurt to think that she wouldn’t come, but you can also be gracious and understanding about it.

    You feel however you feel, you can’t change that. But you can choose how much to dweel on in and how to act.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1082 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I would be hurt too, and I would say something.

    I’d let her know that you understand it is difficult, and you will do everything you can to make sure she isn’t seated anywhere near him, but she is one of your closest friends and the day won’t be the same without her.

    If she can’t suck it up for you for 5 hours, then she really isn’t such a great friend after all.

    Post # 9
    Member
    990 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @AbeeCee123:  She needs to decide for herself but you do not have to tell her who is and isnt invited. She only should decide based on her invite only. that said You are right to seat them on opposite ends of the room etc. We have this issue with a few couples but they are all mature adults who as long as they aren’t at the same table they will be fine. In fact I could probably put them at the same table but I figure it is nicer not to. This is her problem not yours, if she can’t make it then she can’t. Know this- there will be a few people you would love to have at your wedding that unfortunatly won’t be able to make it for one reason or another.

    Post # 12
    Member
    8888 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I would be hurt. Sounds like Annie needs to grow up!

    Post # 13
    Member
    1891 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    3 years does seem like a long time to be broken up and to still not be able to be around your ex, but you’re probably right that she still has feelings for him and it hurts her too bad to see him. 

    I would just say something along the lines of, “It’s a shame that you don’t want to come because David would be there, because it means a lot to me for you to be there to celebrate our special day with us and I would be giving you a plus-one, seating you and David at opposite ends of the room, and there will be 150 people there (or however many people you expect to attend).”  If you tell her all this and she still says she isn’t coming, then you just have to accept that she is too emotional over the breakup and can’t come.  If it would make you feel better to have her at SOME of the wedding events, you should tell her she is still invited to the bachelorette, bridal shower, or any other events you would like to see her at where you know her ex won’t be there.

    Post # 14
    Member
    3266 posts
    Sugar bee

    @AbeeCee123:  You can feel however you like about it.  But I don’t think that you can really be upset with her about.  She has made it clear she does not wish to be any where that he is. That is her choice.

    While I do see how her choice can be painful, it is painful for her to be around David.  To you your feelings are most important, and to her, her feelings are most important.

    Neither is “right”.  I’m not sure there is a way you can both be happy.

    Post # 15
    Member
    726 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    You are certainly entitled to your feelings. It does seem like after 2 years she should be able to get it together enough to be in the same room as him for a few hours. What if you offered to help her have some fun with it? I’m talking full on fitness plan, dress shopping, hair and makeup, airbrush tan, and a super hot date (rented if necessary!) she could BLOW HIS MIND and you guys could be primping for the big day together. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    472 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @AbeeCee123:  You aren’t a jerk at all. I would continue your day without her happily and still maintain your friendship otherwise.

    Some people don’t like to ever revisit the past by seeing someone they had a negative experience with. There isn’t much you can do about that part.

    The topic ‘Friend says she may not come – am I right to be upset?’ is closed to new replies.

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