(Closed) Friend scheduled her wedding on same day

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Is she a very close friend?  I’m guessing since she claims you don’t have much overlap, you guys must not be super close?  I can’t imagine one of my best friends being interested in picking the same wedding day as ours unless there was a really good reason, like a military deployment or something.  What a bummer.

Anway, honestly, I don’t think there is anything you can do about it.  She picked her day, she doesn’t seem to think it’s a big deal, so you probably don’t have any real options here other than to take the high road and forget about it.

Post # 4
2719 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

That really stinks! Did you set the date first? If you did-that’s just low. I would talk to her & just tell her how you’re feeling & that you don’t want to be a bridezilla, but this is your day-you picked it first. Tell her you expected to be at each other’s weddings, and now you’re not able to. I don’t know other than that. Some friend.

Post # 5
1011 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry to hear you’re at odds about this.  Sounds like a real life Bride Wars!

That being said . . . My parents and a good friend of my mom’s (and another couple they knew) all had their weddings on the same day.  They had some guests that overlapped, but the weddings were staggered.  Of course, this was in the early 60s.  I was born just days before my mom’s friend’s daughter (I was the daughter’s MOH).  Even though mom’s friend’s marriage fell apart after 30+ years, mom & her friend are still close.  So, it all depends on what you make of it.

For me, the best part was that I could always call the daughter to help me remember when the anniversary date was!

Post # 6
623 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

well that really sucks. Especially her knowing that you had already picked that date. I agree with pmerr though. i think you should talk to her about it and let her know how your feeling

Post # 7
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Is your friend invited to your wedding?  If so, is she saying that she has no interest in attending your wedding?  What made her pick the same date – any good reasons?  If not, some friend you got there…  Not only it’s rude to you, but she’s being rude to the overlap guests – now they have to decide on which of your weddings to pick.  That’s just plain rude to make people to do that.  If there is no good reason she picked the same date, try talking to her to see if she could change it, and point out as nicely as you can the implications.  So sorry.  Hope it works out ok for you.

Post # 8
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

that is not cool – is there a reason she has to have that day? seems pretty inconsiderate to me!  and you would think if she was a good friend, she would want to actually GO to your wedding!

Post # 9
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

send out your invites FIRST!

Post # 10
1514 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I agree – not cool.  that really sucks for you and the few guests that do have to decide which one to go to.

Post # 11
2066 posts
Buzzing bee

Tell her how you feel.  It wasn’t right for her to schedule her wedding on the same day as yours, but its done now.  To salvage your friendship, you need to talk about it.  

Post # 12
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

That’s really annoying! Is it worth it to try to talk to her? If not, then just let it go. You can’t control people and now she has bad karma on her wedding day..

Post # 13
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

That is so RUDE!  What is it about women and wedding that they feel they can do stuff like that?  She was clearly trying to be competitive, what a shame.  I’m sure the other guests that would go to yours and hers will choose yours.  Since you planned it first.  A couple that is friends with my future hubby tried this too, then they chose the weekend after which was still a problem.  In the end they couldn’t do either date and are looking at 2011.  Some people are just not nice!

Post # 14
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

It sounds like she had no intention of going to your wedding and doesn’t seem to be particularly bothered if you’re at hers, which stinks. There’s not much you can do but explain that (if you feel like it) you had thought that you’d both be attending each others wedding and take the moral high road. 

Post # 15
7384 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with Melissabegins- send out your save the dates and inivtations first!

Post # 16
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

Whoa, if that happened to me, I would be PISSED! You’re not being a bridezilla, it is your day and it was totally overstepping her bounds to schedule her wedding on the same day, KNOWING you had already set yours for that day…I would tell her you’re upset, try to find out why she picked that day and then send out your invites early…So sorry tho, that SUCKS!

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