(Closed) Friend scheduled their wedding on our date

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: How should I approach this difficult conversation:

    Ignore it, send out invites as planned, and expect several regrets

    Say something to clear the air, knowing nothing can be done

    Suggest they reconsider their date, given the number of people affected and ours was booked in Oct.

  • Post # 17
    Member
    462 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    From your post, it’s unclear if your friend is even aware of your wedding date? I would just nicely confront and ask if he knows about your date, and ask under what circumstance he decided to choose the day before. Maybe he has a very valid reason? Or maybe he is totally clueless about your date? Just because you might’ve sent him an STD doesn’t mean he even got it or looked at it?

    Post # 18
    Member
    204 posts
    Helper bee

    I agree that you need to find out from your friend if that’s even really his date first.

     

    I’ll also just throw it out there that a quick search of Kayak shows it may well be possible to book flights that let friends make both weddings (if your wedding is in the afternoon or evening, that is).  I’m not saying it isn’t unfortunate that your friend and his fiance are planning a wedding the same weekend as yours and you won’t be able to celebrate at each other’s weddings – that would bum me out, too!  I’m also not saying that there might not be friends who feel compelled to choose, either because they already booked tickets for yours, or because they don’t want to be at Boston Logan at 5am after his wedding, or whatever.  I guess I’m just thinking that if those mutual friends wanted to (and were able to afford to) fly across the country for your wedding, they might still be able to do so and attend your friend’s too- again, depending on the timing.

     

    Post # 19
    Member
    1133 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    That’s such a crappy situation, I’m sorry.  I would just mention it to them that you won’t be able to attend the wedding.  If they set their date the day before yours KNOWING it was the day before yours, they won’t change it so it does no good asking them to.

    Considering you already sent out your save the dates a long time ago, those overlapping guests (minus bridal party) may go to your wedding over theirs anyways, as it was “first.” That’s how I would approach the situation if I was equally as close to each couple at least.

    Post # 21
    Member
    2266 posts
    Buzzing bee

    View original reply
    @thenaturalginger:  I just want to say that if I was a mutual friend, I’d be going to yours. I knew about yours first, *and have probably been SAVING for yours first* and I’d rather travel. Also the 31st is my 24th birthday, so I can PARTAY and celebrate that too! 

     

    I’d have to think long and hard about staying friends with the other girl. I can’t see one of my friends doing that to another of our friends.. but if she ever did I’d have a difficult time seeing her in a positive light after that one. 

     

    Post # 22
    Member
    555 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I know this isn’t great advice, but I just want to let you know that you’re not alone. Throughout my journey as a planning bride, people have told me SO many horror stories about their own weddings and it’s surprisingly common for friends to do this to each other. I have attended about 5 weddings in the last year and in TWO of those weddings, an acquaintance or friend got engaged second and put their wedding date smack dab beside the first friend’s date.

    Everyone has their own agenda and unfortunately, this is one of those things where we have to shrug and say “that’s life”. Sorry to hear about it 🙁

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