- 2 years ago
- Wedding: October 2017
Hey Bees I’m a regular bee going anonymous for this post because I don’t want to give too much away.
I am in an awkward situation between two really good friends and I am not sure how to proceed.
So friend A, lets call her Alyssa and I are really good friends. She was in my wedding and she hangs out with me and Darling Husband all the time.
Friend B, lets call her Berline, is also my really good friend. She also hangs out with me and Darling Husband regularly. She wasn’t in the wedding but played a significant role in the planning process.
Alyssa and Berline are also friends. I’m new to town in the past 2 years so they knew each other before me. But I am closer to Alyssa.
So Alyssa met this new guy at work and they hit it off. They went on a few dates. Turns out he knows Berline but was vague on how. I suggested that Alyssa just ask Berline to be clear. Well turns out this guy is Berline’s ex and they dated for 4 years like 6 years ago. They dated before Alyssa and Berline even met so Alyssa never knew them together. But Berline considers this guy the love of her life and was very hurt that Alyssa went out with him. And was pissed for weeks that Alyssa even asked her because apparently she talked to Alyssa about him before. Alyssa had never met him before and didn’t put the two and two together when she met him. Alyssa told me that she would only be his friend going forward to avoid the drama with Berline.
So about a year goes by and Alyssas’s sister is getting married. She was super active in the planning. They had a few cancellations and she asked if I wanted to attend about two weeks before the event. Of course I said yes. Then Alyssa reveals to me that she is bringing Berline’s ex to the wedding as her plus one. She told me that they were just good friends from work and he offered to take her since her family was pressuring her to have a date. I told her I didn’t think it was a good idea and suggested she let Berline know just in case pics were posted to FaceBook. But Alyssa told me she didn’t want to make a big deal out of it and asked me not to tell Berline. Then a week later she did admit to me that she probably was going to sleep with him after the wedding. (I honestly think they have been sleeping together this entire time and she just didn’t tell me).
This made me super uncomfortable because I didn’t want to lie to Berline or be involved. So I told Alyssa that I would rather not attend the wedding if he was going to be her date because I didn’t want to hurt Berline. Alyssa got mad at me and didn’t speak to me for two weeks. She said I was being super judgmental. And maybe I was? I am not sure. I told her that wasn’t my intention but I just wasn’t comfortable with the situation. She told me she understood and we are on better terms now.
But the problem is now she is now in a full relationship with this guy now. Both me and Darling Husband have suggested that she come clean with Berline but she has not. I feel awful just knowing about it. Literally me and Darling Husband spend nights at Berlines house just hanging out and I feel guilty just smiling in her face.
I don’t know what to do. Overall its really turned me off from my friendship with Alyssa.
I get that Berline can’t claim a guy forever. We are in our 30s. But I also “get” it. He’s basically her Mr. Big. Lol. But I feel that Alyssa should be honest about the situation to Berline. Its not fair to ask me and Darling Husband to keep her secret. I feel like a really shitty friend. Darling Husband could care less and said I am getting too emotionally involved. Lol.
What would you do in this situation?