(Closed) Friend sent nasty message about not being invited to the wedding

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 18
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

There’s no reason why you should have accepted to be in her wedding if you didn’t want to. That is the same “obligation” that you are talking about being so annoying. I would be upset if I were her to. If I ask someone to be in my wedding I would expect them to say no if they really thought it was that awkward or if they really didn’t want to. That was your choice not hers. She apparently held you guys’s past relationship dear to her heart. You appearantly didn’t. You can’t blame her for that. & you shouldn’t have accepted the invite for her wedding if you didn’t truely want to stand beside her on her day.

Post # 19
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’d be pissed if I was your friend. You were IN her wedding. You could have added her to the list or not been in her wedding.  But from her perspective I would have been pissed and hurt unless you are having some destination wedding with only like immediate family then I would understand. Just an opinion, but she had an honest human reaction.

Post # 20
1261 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

If I were her, I’d be upset. BUT I wouldn’t write you a nasty message just before your wedding.

I would ask that the folks here remember that trimming the guest list is hard and brutal work which puts us all in difficult situations. Please, let’s be more supportive of each other.  

Post # 21
1139 posts
Bumble bee

I also would be really upset if I were this friend.  Three of my bridesmaids are getting married within a year after me.  If I wasn’t at the very least INVITED to their weddings I would be incredibly hurt.  Now, that doesn’t excuse her behavior, it was completely unacceptable.  She never should have written an angry email.. she should have either just let it go, or said something to you in a non aggressive way just to let you know her feelings were hurt.  But I just want you to know that it’s not ettiquette that says she should have been invited, its kindness.  If you didn’t feel close enough to this person to even want her at your wedding than I don’t think you should have agreed to be in hers.

Post # 22
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Moose1209: I think turning down being in someone’s wedding party is also a really tough spot to be in. How many posts have we seen on the bee where a bride is really hurt over someone turning down being a bridesmaid.

Overall, I think the OP is just stuck between a rock and a hard place. Did she need to invite this person just because she was in their wedding? No. Should the OP have given this girl a call to explain things beforehand? Maybe.

Either way, it’s not cool of the “friend” to go off the deep end on FB days before the wedding.

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