Post # 1
AHHH Im so annoyed right now and I need to vent!
I got engaged recently, and obviously I called my best friend and we had fun with it! We looked at pictures and talked about what I wanted and what we were planning. You know, girl stuff. It was fun!
A week later, said friend ALSO got engaged. Hooray for her, I am truly am happy for her. Except…
…everything that we had talked about (my colors I had picked, the stuff I had shown her, my ideas) SHE TOOK THEM! Shes getting married in Oct 2013 and she took the colors I planned on (dark purple and pale blue) for her FALL wedding (Im getting married spring 2014)
How do I deal with this?? Do I change my ideas because she took them and she’s getting married first? And how do I keep her excluded from now on without hurting her feelings?
Post # 3
Er….they’re just colours. I’d relax! If it’s really going to bother you, just say you’re not sure or you haven’t decided yet when she asks you about your details.
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
Just do what you were doing already. I wouldn’t share too many details if you seriously think she is stealing your ideas… however:
I’d also encourage you to give her the benefit of the doubt. How would you feel if you had some ideas for your dream wedding worked out in your head but weren’t engaged yet and then a friend got engaged and had the same ideas… when it came your time would you feel like you had to give up your vision because the other girl opened her mouth about it first?
Anyway, by Spring 2014, you may have changed your mind a lot about what you want. The first time I got married, I had a plan for brown and pink, but then I chose my dress and hells no would brown and pink have worked.
Post # 5
No one can “steal” your wedding. Especially if you’re getting married almost a year a part. Be happy for her and move on.
Post # 6
You can either
-Keep and use your ideas, after all, your wedding is months after hers..
-Go back to the drawing board. I changed my colors/theme six zillion times, and then had a Destination Wedding in the end with the original colors/theme.
But, I’d leave the details out from now on.
Post # 7
Honestly, you may even end up changing your mind on colors by the time your wedding comes. I have changed my mind a million times, ESPECIALLY with colors. But even if you don’t your weddings will still be SO different nobody will even notice. She may use more blue than purple, or vice versa. Her venue is going to be different than yours, etc. Trust me your weddings will be NOTHING alike so don’t stress too much over it and definitley don’t let it come between your friendship. Just say you’re undecided on things if she asks she will probably be so caught up in her wedding anyway to even think twice about you not giving her a direct answer haha
Post # 8
Its not just colors. She is touring the same venue I said I was interested in. She is having the same favors we had talked about. ALL of it. I mean, some of it was just fun talk, but these were ideas I was going to look into and actually try doing. I can move on, but my real issue is I dont want to tell her any mor eof my ideas. How do I exclude her without hurting her feelings.
Post # 9
I would probably change mine slightly. Like same color family with different shades. Or maybe add one more accent color. Also if she does purple dressed with blue flowers for BMs’ you can do blue dresses with purple flowers. Maybe add a spring green in since yours is a spring wedding. Plus you’ll have different locations, dresses, etc. You can still make it unique even though there are similar colors.
Purple and Blue Fall:
Purple, Blue, Spring Green
They both have a totally different feel, but two of the same main color.
Post # 10
Just don’t have “wedding talk” with her or go into any details, and if she asks, like we said, just say you’re undecided and are still doing your research since your wedding is so far away. Don’t get so worked up if her decisions havent even been made yet.
Post # 11
I think you should just start telling her you haven’t gotten to that part of planning yet or you aren’t sure. That sucks about the venue and favors too. You don’t have to tell her anything you’re doing until she’s already booked hers. You still don’t even have to tell her. Or you could just say I want it to be a surprise.
Post # 12
Don’t volunteer any more of your ideas – instead ask her about her ideas. If she doesn’t have any, talk about something else.
And then don’t worry about the rest of it. It’s still so early for both of you that you’re both likely to change your minds about what you want. Even if you ended up both keeping the same colors and the same venue, how you interpret those things with the thousand details that go into making a wedding aesthetic happen will be individual to each of you, and so they’ll be different. You have no idea what dress you’ll end up with (look at all the threads on here of girls who totally changed their dream dress once they started trying dresses on!).
And remember this: I grew up in a tiny town with a handful of churches and 3 decent reception venues: a hotel ballroom, a restored historic home, a country club. Every wedding I ever went to there was in one of those three places, so I ended up attending multiple weddings that were in the same church with the same reception venue, catered by the same (only) caterer in town, with flowers by either of two florists in town. Every single wedding was different, because each was interpreted by the bride in her own way.
ETA: There’s also what will change once grooms and MOBs and FMILs start expressing their opinions. Trust me, you’ll end up with different weddings.
Post # 13
Just don’t tell her any more. If she starts to talk about it, just say you are putting off planning till it gets closer to your date.
Post # 14
@awolfpaw: I’d definitely just go with, “Oh I haven’t decided about that part yet – what are YOU doing?”
Post # 15
I think some other bee had the same problem as you, and she planned a “fake wedding” with opposites of what she was really doing and shocked the copy cat when she revealed her stuff at the real wedding. I think the copy cat really wanted to hurt the bee by stealing all her ideas.
Otherwise, call on her on it, ask her “Why is when we discuss my wedding, you are ending up doing the exact same thing, I find that funny, don’t you?” (In a very kind way and laugh it off and change the subject) Then maybe she can take the hint and won’t steal anymore ideas from you.
Post # 16
your wedding is quite a ways away so i’m sure you’ll change your mind a few times. don’t settle on anything yet. new trends are always coming and going so there may be something more appealing closer to your wedding.
as for other small details, don’t discuss your thoughts with her.