Post # 1
I would really like honest opinions….When I was planning our wedding I was taking into consideration my friend’s wedding date (end of May). When looking at different dates my mother realized that April 23rd is a Saturday next year and is the anniversary of my grandparents. My grandmother recently passed away very unexpectedly and I was very close to her.
My friend is having a longer engagement (1.5 years) than I am (1 yr) and completely freaked out at me because I chose at date before hers. Before I chose the date she was excited about “doing things together” and “so excited about going through this at the same time”. Afterwards her entire opinion changed and she has decided that I am only doing this to “upstage” her. She is now saying that we are not going through this at the same time because she was engaged 6 months before me.
My fiance and I had been talking about and planning our wedding before we were “officially” engaged. I have small fingers and the ring took over 4 months to be made. She had invited me to a wedding show with her before I was “officially” engaged and because I went she is now telling people I went around pretending to be engaged to steal the spotlight away from her.
I was supposed to be her maid of honor and now she is no longer speaking to me and going around talking about me.
Was I wrong in chosing a date 6 weeks before hers? At first I was very angry and now I am just upset because it was a 15 year friendship.
Post # 3
@Eca813: Your friend is in the wrong here. You chose the date for sentimental reasons, and there is still plenty of time between your wedding and hers. Six weeks is a great buffer. Does she know that you picked the date in honor of your grandparents? If not, I would try to sit down and explain to her that you picked the date in honor of your grandmother who recently passed, and that you hope she can understand and support your decision. I’m sorry you’re going through this. There is something about weddings that makes some people do crazy things.
Post # 4
6 weeks is a great buffer. Just because she got engaged first doesn’t mean she has to get married first. Do what works for you. If she can’t see why that date is important to you then she’s not a very good friend.
Post # 5
Unfortunately, sometimes weddings bring out the worst in people. Unless your wedding was/is going to interfere with hers; ie., same guest list, same venue, same dress, same anything, or interfere with your duties of being her Maid/Matron of Honor, she shouldn’t be upset. I know you are having issues trying to get a hold of her, but I would try to get a hold of her again and/or emial her to let her know that your wedding is totally different than hers, if it is, and let her know you are not trying to upstage her. If she doesn’t understand, perhaps your friendship was more onesided on your part. True friends don’t let “things” get in the way of true friendship.
Post # 6
Please for the love of God, tell me your friend is a teenager because I can’t seemingly understand how someone can give up a 15year relationship over this? What if God forbid, someone she knows did something really wrong to her? What’s she going to do then? I don’t know why weddings make people act somehow. Sorry you are going through this.
Post # 7
We were originally planning our wedding for a different day than it is now, but I found out that one of my best friends from college was getting married that day and I didn’t want us to miss each other’s weddings or our mutual friends to have to choose whose to go to- so I bumped ours back to a later date. No harm, no foul. A situation like that is the ONLY time I would consider it “wrong” to have your wedding on a certain day. Yours is SIX WEEKS before hers! Bottom line: she needs to get over it and realize other people get married too and hers is not the only wedding taking place next spring. You did nothing wrong.
Post # 8
If she throws a fit over this, she wasn’t a good friend to begin with. I say you’re better off! Someday she’ll realize that a wedding isn’t “omgthemostimportantthinginthewholeworldhowcouldyoudothat?”
(and then she’ll feel stupid for getting upset about this)
Post # 9
I can see her being upset over this. Mr. and I have introduced countless couples and watched them get married before us. It’s a tug on the heart, but nothing I would flip out over…
Post # 10
That is really unfortunate. She should not be caught up on something as simple as who went first if she was a true friend. I would not care when anyone around me got married because I am happy with my date and my decision. No one else affects that. It is sad that she can’t be happy for you and excited that you can honor your grandparents.
Post # 11
She needs to get over this. She gets a day; you get a day. Not a month, not a year. It’s too bad that she’s not speaking with you.
Personally, I know you’re angry, but if you can forgive her for talking about you, I would be the one to try and hold out the olive branch, because she’s clearly off in la-la land. If you wait around for an apology, I don’t think you’re going to get it until long after both your weddings have passed, so it has to be you. I think it’s easy to get into bridal tunnel vision–both you AND her (and she’s clearly suffering from it). So think about this long-term: someday, you might be a little sad if she’s not in your wedding pictures. Someday, if you’re still friends, you’ll probably look back and realize how silly the whole thing was. Rent the (terrible) movie “Bride Wars” with Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson–it’ll demonstrate how dumb these fights are.
So take a deep breath and invite her out for coffee. Tell her that you love her, you want her to be there with you as much as you want to be there for her. And remind her that six weeks is totally not stealing her thunder. And if she can’t deal, then sigh and resolve to try and not dwell on her until after the wedding craziness has passed.
And if you guys make up, you know a nice thing you can do for her? When you do the toasts, at either the rehearsal dinner and/or the wedding, ask your man to give them a little congratulatory shout-out.
Post # 12
i was in the same boat… my best friend since 2nd grade had set her date for mid june, and i set mine for early may, (it was one of the only dates available at the venue i loved!). she had been engaged for a year already (2 years by the time she gets married) while i will only have a 1 year engagement 🙂 she was so mad at me for months! we didnt talk and she was very bitter…. since then we have talked alot, and things have gotten better (mind you, i dont think our relationship will ever be the same) sooooooooooooo, it sucks your friend is acting like that, and hopefully she will think about it (like my friend did) and realize its not worth it to treat you so unfairly 🙁
Post # 13
Your friend is way out of line. She should be happy that you’re getting married, and you don’t need to justify the date you picked. You didn’t choose her date, and the whole world doesn’t stop just because she wanted an 18 month engagement.
Just my two cents. Hope she comes around soon and apologizes for being such a drama queen
Post # 14
Post # 15
Thanks everyone, I think I just needed other people’s opinions who were actually in the middle of wedding planning. Everyone close to me is saying the same things, but I was starting to feel guilty over the decision now that the weddings are getting closer.
Post # 16
@Eca813: She’s a bridezilla. Let her throw her fit.