As terrible as it is, I can relate to your angsty friend. I didn’t start trash talking my friend or kick her out of my wedding party, but our situation was really similar.
Incase you don’t want to read the long explaination below, I’ll just say that having someone really close to you book their big day right before yours can feel like a put down. Like you think their big day dosn’t matter, and at a time when they’re expecting to be feeling involved with their own excitement, they have to shift the focus off them selves. And with that can come feelings of guilt – because they want to be happy for you and go crazy helping you and planning your parties, but that can be really hard when they have their own wedding stress going on.
Now, yeah, this is selfish and petty, BUT, it is what it is. None of us are perfect all the time. Your friend is obviously feeling this way but on like, a HUGE scale, with a ton of childness and disrespect thrown in. If shes trashing you and acting out instead of telling you how crappy you made her feel and working it out with you – then its time to initiate a sesrious one-on-one and let her cry it out, because thats what she really needs. (maybe some wine would help lol j/k) Just listening to her anger could make her feel better.
You obviously shouldn’t change your wedding date – of course – but you might be able to change her feelings about it.
And my recent personal experience in this exact situation (if anyone is interested):
Fiance and I got engaged last March and our wedding is in 2 months from now. Friend got engaged last October (2 wks after dating) and just got married last month. We were/ are in eachothers wedding parties and enjoyed sharing wedding stress together. But I gotta say, I had some of angry feelings about her booking her wedding 3 months infront of mine. Biggest problems were dealing with her other BMs (shower and Batch. party planning was HELL) and the money. She has no idea how much money and effort I put in to her parties, gitfs, dress, hair up do, accessories, etc. And then she expected me and Fiance to stay at her destination spot (1 hr from our house) for 2 nights at $225 a night! With our own wedding coming up it was frustrating and embarrassing to not be able to participate in staying overnight for the weekend because we simply do not have the money. But now it’s over, the wedding was beautiful and she had a great time…. I just want to say that through all of this I kept quiet about my feelings, never lashed out, I was her biggest cheerleader and was truly happy to be a part of this time in her life. Shes always been one of my best friends and I feel terrible that I felt unhappy about the situation at all, but I’m only human.
Also, this Jan my sister announced her wedding (also dating for 2 weeks), and she got married this past June. She was my Maid/Matron of Honor, but when she asked me to be hers, and then re-negged, I fired her as Maid/Matron of Honor and asked her to a Bridesmaid or Best Man instead (angry child syndrome? absolutly – but I’m only human) (also, I’m not having a Maid/Matron of Honor any more, just 3 BMs). That was the first of many hurtful, insensitive things she did durring her wedding planning. Now shes having a baby in 2 weeks, and let’s just say after a rough emotional year, we’re getting along better now. Our relationship will never be the same after things that have been said, ways that she has treated my Fiance and other members of our family, but I hope that with time and work we can have a healthy realtionship again.
Good luck with your friend – I hope shes worth it!