(Closed) friend talks about her wedding yet does not have a boyfriend

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

Well, if there is no wedding planning going on, and she’s not stepping on anyone’s toes, I say let her dream 🙂

Maybe she’s thinking of becoming a wedding planner?  Maybe she’s just fantasizing about the future?

I had a roommate one summer who thought so much about her future wedding.  It was adorable in some ways, but she tended to do this to the exclusion of meeting people who might make future mates.  She had a wedding book and clippings, but refused to get on Match or get out in the community and meet guys.  Occasionally, I would re-direct her by saying, "Why don’t you come out with me tonight… Mr. Right is out there somewhere!"

I would do the best I could to be tolerant of her and step away at time when you couldn’t handle it because it’s rubbing you the wrong way.  Best of luck.

Post # 18
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

I see both sides that have been presented.  But I think it boils down to, how "annyoing" or concerning is this? 

On the one hand, I don’t think you should really say much in terms of "Shouldn’t you have a boyfriend, first?"  She might be like many girls, insecure about finding a guy.  And by thinking about the possibilities in the future, it could be a healthy way to stay positive.  (Instead of going around thinking, "I’ll never get married."  "All the good guys are taken."  "Why can’t I find a guy like her’s?"

But I was thinking what fizicsgirl mentioned.  Is this causing some obsession, where she’s could just be looking to marry whomever comes her way?  I could see that being a concern.

You say she doesn’t have a boyfriend now.  Has she ever?  Does she often?  I could see as some pp expressed if you’re feeling scared or concerned for her, fearing an unhealthy attitude towards weddings, without considering what it means to actually be married.  But your words were "annoyed".  If it’s just that she seems to be planning and dreaming more than you care to hear, I can empathize that it’s annoying.  But I wouldn’t say things to hurt her feelings. I would try to gently, steer the conversation in a new direction.  If she has other interests discuss those.  If she doesn’t maybe you can spend time doing activities that might spark an interest for her, or at least keep her mouth from talking so much about weddings.  Take tennis or cooking lessons together.   Go to a movie.  Go to an amusement park.

Post # 19
Member
10216 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

I am like the friend, too! I love everything about weddings.  I even started an event design business because of it.  Every woman in my family with the exception of a cousin and I were married by the age of 25 (talk about pressure, I’ll be 29 next Thursday).  My M and I aren’t officially engaged (i don’t have the ring yet, but we’ve loosely been looking) but we have set a date of December 31, 2010. 

Post # 20
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

@crebre, dont feel bad if you have set the date without the ring.  By your post you said "we have set a date".  So long as both of you are planning your future together, there is no need to be apologetic.  Many bees started planning with their SO before the ring.

Post # 21
Member
700 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think that when someone gets engaged or whenever someone meets a threshold activity in their lives, part of the…fun?…satisfaction?…transition? I don’t know what to call it, but part of it is being able to turn around and reflect upon your previous ways in life.  

I know that before I got engaged and before I even met my Fiance, I knew that I wanted to get married and have babies.  I didn’t know who at all, but I was confident in that it was going to happen.  I don’t think I ever spoke about what I "knew" with friends, but I did have other single friends who went as far as to buy the dress and keep it in their closets (try explaining THAT one to your boyfriend!).  

As an engaged person, I feel like I can almost breathe a sigh of relief when I look at my former life.  I honestly feel like I can breathe a sigh of relief sometimes when I look at my few remaining single friends who almost appear to be grasping at straws.  I know you aren’t supposed to say this outloud, but I thought it might give some insight on this post. 

Did anyone else feel this way?   

Post # 22
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

i see no problem at all in fantasizing about weddings before youre engaged and its even cute to compare what ifs with you as youre planning. the part that bothers my is that she has her parents talking about wedding details and deciding things without any serious boyfriend. it kinda sounds like shes all about the wedding like some of the other bees are saying and that the first guy she dates next will be the one so she can have her big day. maybe thats assuming too much and i hope so but i can def see where it can get annoying with her.

before i was engaged, me and my friends definitely planned our weddings and had all sorts of ideas but it was light-hearted and fun, not annoying and obsessive. maybe she feels left out since you are planning for real and shes still single and shes trying to keep up and maybe her insecurity of being single is coming off this way.

her parents involved, though, thats just a whole other level. she sounds obsessed with a wedding and getting married. maybe you should talk to her??

Post # 23
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I work with a girl who is like that – openly talks about how she has her entire wedding planned down to the most minute details, yet has no boyfriend. We aren’t that close, granted, because she’s, well, annoying. But I do just sort of feel bad for her because men can smell that kind of desperation. It’s not getting her anywhere.

I think a lot of times girls who are surrounded by married or engaged friends obviously will reflect on their own situation, and girls who really want to get married and have babies who haven’t found Mr. Right yet do sometimes have the tendency to go a little psycho. There’s NOTHING wrong with fantasizing about what your wedding will be like and the kind of stuff you might want to do – it’s FUN! – but when it gets to a point where you’re too actively planning and thinking about it I personally feel it is unhealthy. I agree with the posters who said that it turns every boyfriend into potential husband, and most men would run screaming if they met a girl who had her entire wedding planned already. Definitely not the way to start a relationship!

Post # 24
Member
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I see no problem with it.  My friends and I used to dream about what kind of dresses we liked and flowers and stuff, and what would be practical versus not- I mean, I watched Say Yes To The Dress way before I met my bf and started to think about it and talk to my friends about it- plus w/ my best friends getting married in 2009 and 2010 respectively, I sure did enjoy having fun talking with them about what I would want too!

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