- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
We were enagaged last fall, and very early in our planning process, we decided to hold our wedding in Maine, even though we live in NYC (a 6-hour drive– we expected a higher than normal declination rate, which hasn’t really happened as it seems everyone wants to come to Maine for a mini-vaca). In talking about another wedding shortly before our engagement, one of my oldest friends in NYC made a comment along the lines of “whatever else I do, it’s always better than being a bridesmaid.” She’s a very talented singer, so she sometimes sings at weddings, and was talking about how she much prefers that. She also has just enough quirks that she’d drive me nuts as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I love her, but sometimes can only take her in small doses.
At our engagement party, she actually volunteered to be a bridesmaid, despite her earlier statement (I referenced our earlier conversation, and how I didn’t ask only because of what she’d previously said, so she wouldn’t feel slighted). She said she’d write us a song that she’d perform at the reception. Later she asked if there were any other songs that she’d like us to sing, and I asked her if she’d do a song at the ceremony, which she enthusiastically agreed to.
Earlier this week, only a month before our wedding, and actually on my birthday, she sends me an email telling me that her employer lost her request for the day before the wedding off (which she’d need for travel and the rehearsal), which she submitted last fall. A co-worker put in for the same day, and had it approved. They really don’t like when both of them are away, but they can deal for one day. But she’s also requested other days that line up with her co-worker. So she says she will make it to the wedding, but she’ll have to miss out on either a music event that would have featured her, or her nephew’s 2nd birthday party, so she doesn’t have the same day off as the co-worker. She said this co-worker is why she’s missed other events (I can’t help but think that the co-worker, who has seniority, is doing this to spite her). Then she goes on to say that she’s going to be exhausted the Monday after my wedding due to the weekend travel, but as far as I know, there were never plans to take Monday off.
If this issue happens regularly with the co-worker, but you are going to make it work to attend my wedding, why tell me about it, especially on my birthday, a month before the wedding? Shouldn’t you just do that behind the scenes? Does she want me to tell her to miss my wedding, the wedding she wanted to be bridesmaid for, and volunteered to sing 2 songs at, so she can go to a birthday party for a 2 year old? (I actually did tell her to let me know if can’t go, and I’ll reprint the programs, which were just a DIY job on my home printer, but she said she’d be there). Does she want me to feel bad for her being “exhausted” due to travel, when the plan all along was to be back at work Monday? If it’s such a pain in the ass, why did you RSVP yes? Why did you volunteer yourself to be Bridesmaid or Best Man, and then volunteer to sing? She’s making the trip up with 2 of our mutual friends, so all she has to pay is 1/3 of gas, and split the hotel room (and we got our guests a great deal).
Why do people do things like this? Does she want to stress me out even more, or does she just want me to bend over backwards in gratitude for her huge sacrifice? Anyone ever dealt with anything similar?