(Closed) Friend upset at how I reacted to her pregnancy news

posted 4 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 61
Member
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Honestly, I’m early in my pregnancy and just announced to my friends. Your friend is behaving like an asshole. It’s obvious it just didn’t click for you and that is no reason for her to behave like a child. Hormones or not, it doesn’t excuse her behavior towards you.

Post # 62
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

View original reply
soymilk :  

 

I have to admit it is 2 AM here I am tired and I have not read all the comments 🙂 i was not picking on you and I apologise if that is how my comment came through. I tried to imply that having walked in somebody elses shoes might help understand what they are going through.  In hindsight I should have said just that rather than making a personal remark in the form of a question. That was very passive agressive from me, I do apologise!

 

Back to the topic at hand – hormonal disbalance affecting mood and cognition is not a choice one makes. It is not an excuse either but can offer an explanation. Have you heard of PPD? Did you know that new mothers can have psychotic episodes due to that same hormonal disbalance? Or that women with mood disorders can detiorate or even become psychotic during pregnancy? Or that those on medication may need to stop those which would have an adverse effect on  them? I think there are many explanations outside of somebody being a “bi***” especially if this is completely atypical behavior. If a friend of mine was acting so strange I would first try to understand, before condemning. Just my 2 cents.

Post # 63
Member
410 posts
Helper bee

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SithLady :  Right!

OP You appologised for your initial misunderstanding and were henceforth very excited and congratulatory. She’s being a petulent child and I would be having zero of it! I’d let her simmer down and hopefully she realizes what a cad she is being and comes to you appologetically, something makes me doubt that though. Is she always like this?

“You just want to take me out so you can order a drink to rub it in my face” GTFO!

Post # 64
Member
3032 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

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cherrymyst :  Yes, I do know of PPD and I have read extensively on hormones during pregnancy as well. You are certainly entitled to your two cents as I am of course. Mine still doesn’t change with the situation displayed. Never did I tell the OP to drop her friend outright as that’s a choice only the OP can make. I warned her that it more than likely won’t be a cake walk from the sounds of it with this particular friend.

However, to think this isn’t something widely debated on multiple avenues is silly because it is. In one scenario, a woman shared how she brutally beat her puppy for peeing and then blamed her pregnancy hormones in the aftermath of negative responses. 

Not every situation gets an automatic benefit of the doubt for me nor does it mean that I didn’t consider the pair of shoes before responding. However, that’s just my viewpoint and there are plenty in this topic for the OP to decide from. To have the OP think that it’s potentially okay to accept such treatment, hormones or otherwise, is a disservice to her. To have her apologize or wait out a change in behavior is also not beneficial.

While I have no personal qualms with you…I do not really believe your excuse for your initial comment to me. Even to try to suggest that I would have known otherwise if I was pregnant does not help your later change of explanation. You have many women here describing their pregnancies and equally not on board with the behavior shown. Even had I been pregnant and had experienced hormones, I still very well could be of the same opinion. While science does explain a lot about hormones and other aspects of pregnancy, there are hardly studies to prove that it means your friend was in no way accountable for her belligerently making accusations against you. 

Anyways, this is all just beating a dead horse and probably derailing things.

Post # 65
Member
300 posts
Helper bee

‘We’re expecting’ without an exclamation mark or anything more doesn’t convey that a) the person is excited to be pregnant (and thus I wouldn’t reply in an over-excited fashion) or b) would make me think that they sent a message accidentally before finishing their sentence and could mean anything.

in any case, after her comments, I would take distance myself from her. Completely inappropriate!

Post # 66
Member
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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cherrymyst :  No. She was being a bitch. The end.

Post # 67
Member
3109 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

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cherrymyst :  While your theory is possible, we can’t just assume people are having a psychotic episode every time they act out can we? People need to be accountable for their actions regardless, if OP found out later on that her friend was dealing with some kind of mood disorder I’m sure she would be understanding of that fact, in the meantime all we know is that her friend is being pretty rude and disrespectful. 

Post # 68
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

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cherrymyst :  yeah if i start being a bitch to people I’ll be giving myself a smack and saying it’s not an excuse you a**hole. Hormones suck but it’s not other people’s faults we uncrossed our legs they shouldn’t bare the brunt of it. 

Post # 69
Member
3833 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Uh, what? She’s angry because you innocently asked what a phrase you hadn’t heard before meant?? I think it’s a sweet funny story! If that’s seriously all it took to ruin her pregnancy announcement she must be weak as a feather. I can’t figure out how this could be even a tiny bit insulting??

Post # 70
Member
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

Her behavior is indefensible and pretty insane. I’ve had two kids, and I’m not buying the whole “let’s coddle the poor pregnant woman with hormones” thing. She is behaving like a ridiculous child, and the things she said and the way she behaved would be friendship ending material for me. All because you misunderstood a text and then congratulated her? Yeah, no thanks. Her friendship is not vital.

Post # 71
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee

I say this as the mama of a 7 month old – what in the hell??! You can’t even blame pregnancy hormones for this – she is being ridiculous. I would have found your initial response a bloody good laugh and your offer a very kind gesture indeed.

 

 

 

Post # 72
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Idea for a card for your friend:

 

Post # 73
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Everyone reacts differently to the change in hormones and I get that. What I do not accept is no accountability for the behavior. Imagine if we readily accept someone telling us “oh – you can’t trust her to do a good job at work or say appropriate things while she’s PMS-ing or pregnant. She can’t reliably do her job.”  We’ve fought so long to get away from the stereotypes. Let us not feed into that. 

If her friend can’t step back and realize she’s out of line then maybe her husband needs to intervene and help her seek medical attention. When hormones have taken her to a place where she’s that out of control, she needs outside help.

Ive had 3 pregnancies and a couple of irrational hormonal responses to stilly stuff. I pretty quickly realized I was out of line and needed to pull it together. Again, I realize we are all different and our bodies react differently. If she’s going down an extreme path, she needs medical attention. 

Post # 74
Member
836 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m sorry but I would no longer speak to someone like this. I hate drama queens. Hormones are absolutely no excuse. I also have psychosis and I didn’t treat ppl that way when I was pregnant so I’m not buying that crap. She’s just not a good friend. 

Post # 75
Member
836 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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cherrymyst :  I’ve been pregnant. That means nothing. I didn’t act like that and most ppl don’t. It’s literally an excuse to be rude to others and get off Scott free. And I’m bipolar. I’m pretty sure that I’d really have freaked out lol.  It’s not right. Even doctors do not agree that this is right. Hormones only go so far. 

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