- 5 years ago
I recently got engaged and have asked my close friend “Sam” to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. I have also decided with my fiancee that we would have a very small bridal party and have decided we are only having a Maid/Matron of Honor, best man, 1 usher and 1 bridesmaid.
This morning (barely two weeks after I got engaged) my friend “Jane”, whom I have known for 10 years tells me that she is mad that I didn’t have the courtesy to tell her who my Maid/Matron of Honor was and that she heard it from a friend of mine. Now my third friend did know as I had met up with her and told her that I was trying to keep everything small and that I had chosen Sam to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and she was happy about it and content to just be there for me. The reaon I had yet to tell Jane was becuase I haven’t seen her yet to discuss it with her.
Although I have known Jane for about 10 years I decided Sam would be the best person for the job, b/c Sam has truly been a better friend to me in the short time I have known her, she has always been there for me through thick and thin and I care about her like my sister. Jane on the other hand has been a little difficult these last two years, when my mother passed away she asked if there was anything she could do and I said yes to please come and visit me at my home and she said she would. The day that she is to come she bails on me saying her relative was in the hospital, okay I understand, but she didn’t offer to meet up another time or later in that day. Also it has been difficult to meet up with Jane as she is often bailing at the last minute due to family things – I had to give her her birthday present at MY birthday party becuase she had no time in 3 months to meet and she kept bailing on the date.
I felt that if I asked Jane to be in my bridal party I’d have to arrange everything around her schedule, as she is always busy and tells me she will “let me know when she has time to meet” yes exactly those words in a text message) I understand that being married has its difficulties but I cannot see how she cannot take time to meet for a coffee.
To make matters more interesting – jane got married two years ago and did not ask me to be in her bridal party at all and didn’t offer me any other “jobs/tasks” that I could do, I was simply a guest, to which I didn’t take offense, its her day her choice but I was happy to be there for her as her guest. Jane also had promised I could come dress shopping but didn’t call me to which I kept my mouth shut and didn’t say a word b/c I understand she wanted her family and maybe didn’t have “room” for me but I took no offense to it. Its her day and I didn’t want to complicate things.
Jane has now asked to talk b/c she is mad at how I’m doing things for my wedding (all I have done is pick a bridal party at this point ) and how I didn’t advise her that Sam was my Maid/Matron of Honor and that I owed that to her and our 10 year friendship. What I don’t understand is how she feels “entitled” to be my Maid/Matron of Honor or my Bridesmaid or Best Man when she did not ask me or involve me in her wedding at all, that and the fact that she is constantly busy and unavailable to meet me. Yes she had all family in her side of the bridal party but her husband had all friends so its not like I couldn’t have a role. As she was a bride herself she should understand that it is important to have the bridal party committed to you (I’m not saying they are slaves to me, but they cannot tell the bride to organize and re-arrange everything for their convenience)
I don’t regret my decision as to who is in my bridal party at all, and just to clarify I have a Maid/Matron of Honor (Sam) and a Bridesmaid or Best Man who is my fiancee’s sister and of course a best man and a usher. I just don’t appreciate her saying that I am doing MY wedding wrong and that somehow even though I was not allowed to be involved in anything for her wedding she has the RIGHT to be in mine and to be notified of everything including why I picked who I picked. When I saw her I was going to offer her the task of being a reader at my wedding along with another friend of mine,(who i have not yet asked) but again I haven’t even been able to see her due to her “family things”
Bee’s what are your thoughts on this and how can I advise her of my feelings, its like I need to be guilty that I didn’t pick her and that i didn’t send out a bulletin saying this is my Maid/Matron of Honor and my bridal party and that I just didn’t feel she could handle the commitment that was necesary. I feel she is being a little selfish considering I kept my mouth shut and nose out of her wedding even though she broke promises to me.