(Closed) Friend upset she's not in bridal party

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
30388 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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Ellee16:  Nothing. If she is out of high school she should be mature enough to realize that not everyone gets to be a bridesmaid. Some people need to be guests.

Keep in touch with her. Don’t talk about the wedding.

Post # 4
Member
1388 posts
Bumble bee

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Ellee16:  If she wants to end the friendship over something so petty, that’s on her – not you.

As 

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julies1949:  said, keep in touch with her as you normally would but just don’t mention the wedding.

Post # 5
Member
833 posts
Busy bee

You must be a closer friend to her from her side, if that makes sense. How often do you see each other? Maybe she thought you were bff’s? It’s hard for you because you obviously have closer friends,  but you can understand her suddenly coming to the realisation that your friendship isn’t where she thought it was. Just give her time. Your only other friendship saving option if you REALLY are concerned about loss of friendship is to include her. 

Post # 6
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee

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Ellee16:  As others have said, give her some space and don’t mention the wedding when you talk to her. I think it was kind of you to let her know so she didn’t found out otherwise but obviously you didn’t know what a big issue this was to her. Like morningcoffee said, it’s possible you both had different views of how close the friendship is (was?). Unfortunately, I would just try to reach out, reiterate you’re sorry to have hurt her, but you value her friendship and hope this is something she can move on from. I feel like if you asked her to a bridesmaid now, or to fulfill another role in the wedding, it could come across as placating and backfire.

For what it’s worth, I had the same issue except I made the mistake of not telling her in advance. She was really upset. I honestly had no idea she cared that much. I just apologized and explained that I was grateful to have a number of close girlfriends so my deciding factor was just to pick who I had known the longest from the girls I was deciding between. I let her know I still loved her, still valued her, still wanted her there to celebrate with us. She was kinda irritated for about a month and then she was fine. (In hindsight, the girl I picked – no longer friends with less than a year after the wedding; should’ve picked my other friend.) She’s engaged now, and I am not in the wedding, and I know it was retribution 😉 but I didn’t need to be one to love and support her.

Post # 9
Member
616 posts
Busy bee

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Ellee16:  You have to do just that…give her space and hope she comes around. I’m sorry she took it so hard, some people just feel entitled to certain things and that’s what sounds like is the problem for her. Your wedding party should be your closest friends that you couldn’t imagine not standing up there with you. Not those friends plus the semi close friend who threw a fit about not being a bridesmaid so you let her be one to keep the peace.

I do sort of feel bad for her at the same time though. As a PP mentioned she must have considered you to be a much closer friend from her side than you do from yours which I can tell you from personal experience that is really hard. I am one of those people with a few close friends and one of my close friends is a person who has a TON of friends. She is engaged and while I never assumed I would be in her bridal party as she has so many close friends I always figure when I get engaged I will ask her to be one of my bridesmaids. I wasn’t asked to be in her wedding party…I wasn’t even invited to the wedding. You have to look at her side too with a little sympathy for how she might feel.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by mrs.akjp.
Post # 12
Member
616 posts
Busy bee

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Ellee16:  It’s hard to know how other people feel about their relationships with friends. Weddings and bridal parties can be a touchy thing for lots of people because it’s not like you can have EVERY friend up there with you. I went to a wedding that the bride and groom each had like 15 people on their side…it was a bit much haha.

I am assuming I’m not invited. Not really sure what happened. We were close (in my opinion obviously) but I did move out of town and though we still talked a lot we only saw eachother in person about 2 times in the past couple of years when I’ve come back to town. Last time I came back to town was last December and she had been engaged for about 5 months and we had chatted about the wedding many times. We talked about it when we went out to dinner when I was in town and she kept mentioning how expensive it was to plan a wedding and the huge cost per person it was. Maybe that was supposed to be my hint that I wouldn’t be invited? haha…but the wedding is this October and she hasn’t responded to my texts anymore since a few months ago and I haven’t received anything about the wedding such as invitation so I’m guessing I’m out. No worries…it does hurt but I guess it is what it is. I’m not going to be mad at her for it. I’m more upset that she just quit communicating with me. She could have said I’m so sorry but our budget is so tight and I have to cut the guest list…I would totally be understanding!

Post # 14
Member
482 posts
Helper bee

She needs to grow up. I wouldn’t even feel bad. Posting on FB? So unnecessary.

Post # 15
Member
4835 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

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Ellee16:  “but what else can I do at this point other than give her space and hope she comes around?”

Nothing.  You’ve got the right idea.  If she doesn’t come around I’d write her off.  That’s a pretty imature reaction on her part.

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