Post # 1
I am so upset with my friend’s bf right now! They’ve been together 5 years, have a house in his name, bank accounts in his name, and his income supporting them. She has struggled with school since kindergarten thanks to multiple learning disabilities. He told her he woundn’t propose until she got a college degree so she worked her butt off for seven years to get an AA, and is graduating in June (beyond proud of her btw). Everytime school was hard he’s say “but don’t you want to get married?”
Now she has her degree and a proposal should be around the corner, and he tells her “When I said college degree I meant a bachelors”. What? I was never okay with him putting a requirement on a proposal, especially one that she didn’t necessarily want that required a near superhuman effort on her part, and now he’s moved the finish line to a much more difficult goal.
She’s actively planning a wedding now (but not putting deposits down, just gathering ideas and stuff) and waiting to hear from 4 year universities about acceptance. My heart breaks for her, but my frustration is compounded by her comments like “he wants what’s best for me. A bachelor’s degree is important” or “he’s just helping me stay motivated”. I wish in could give her enough self confidence to see this situation for what it really is. She’s such an amazing person and she deserves a proposal for no other reason than that.
Post # 2
Not helpful l know, but it royally pisses me off when men regard marriage to themselves as some sort of reward for obedience or good behaviour requiring the woman to engage in some species of endeavour to prove her worth.
Who the fuck does this guy think he is , throwing out challenges to his gf to have her show her worthiness of having him bestow himself upon her !!!
A proposal of marriage is not a reward she, or any woman ’ deserves’ as a reward for compliance.
Post # 3
I’m sure she deserves a proposal, but she shouldn’t even WANT it from this douchebag.
Post # 4
So many of my friends waited 7/8/9 years for a proposal and some are still waiting which makes me so angry, even though it’s mainly financial reasons. I hate seeing my friends go through all this turmoil. However, it’s as if your friend’s bf doesn’t think she’s good enough without a batchelor’s degree even though she’s worked really hard. Does he pick faults in other areas of her life? I don’t know why she still wants to marry him when he’s belittling her achievements and holding a ring over her like a carrot that’s constantly moving further away.
Post # 5
This makes me angry. It reminds me of someone I knew who was told by here partner and father of her children that he would only marry her if she lost weight. I never quite got over the urge to punch him in the face, and I didn’t even know this person that well. My husband told me about an ex girlfriend that he had when he was at university who struggled to stay motivated at university, and how he would tell her he wouldnt come over until she had done her study, but in this case she had chosen to enroll at a university of her own accord, he was actually trying to be a good boyfriend by encouraging her and not providing a distraction, he would help her out with her study and be supportive of her goals that she set for herself, and he wasnt threatening to break up with her or not progress their relationship because she wouldnt be good enough without a certain level of qualification. To tell someone you wont marry them because they havent met YOUR educational goals for them is disgusting.
I hope shes not letting him take away from what shes achieved. She’s lucky to have a friend like you, and I really hope she moves on from this pig (too kind really, pigs are lovely, but I shouldn’t use any of the words that immediately came to mind!)
Post # 6
Truthfully I think she kinda knows what he’s doing deep down, but we live in a very high cost of living area and she’d probably have to leave the state if she left him. So breaking up with him also means leaving all her friends and family behind. That would terrify me, so I understand her denial to some degree
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
What a jerk!!! He doesn’t want to get married and he knows she struggles with school so that is his crutch. She will have 4 degrees before she relizes he isn’t going to marry her. Unfortunatly she isn’t going to listen to you. She is already defending him by saying ” he is helping me stay motivatived” so she feels that this man truly has her best interests at heart. You seem like such a great friend but if you say negitive things about this jerk, and I am not sure if you do or not she may push you away. It sucks seeing your best friend put a dream aside because of man that clearly does not want to get married.
Post # 8
G R O S S. He sounds awful. I share pp’s disgust with that attitude from men, that marriage to them is a reward his woman has to earn. I hope she can see through that BS before she marries him!
Post # 9
Wow – that’s just cruel of him. He has had years to clarify.
Here’s a somewhat relevant comic to lighten the mood from nathanwpylestrangeplanet
Post # 10
ITs sad but your friend is going to stay with this guy until she on her own figures out she is worth more than what some guy says she is worth. As long as she is letting anyone tell her how good or bad she is, how worthy or unworthy she is of happiness than she is going to be stuck where she is. All you can do is try to build her up and make sure she knows how amazing she really is.
Post # 11
Unless your friend wants to set herself up for a life of stipulations, she needs to end this relationship right now.