Post # 1
I was speaking to a good friend of mine on the phone yesterday…We were chatting up a storm (as we always do), talking about her new kitty, her FI brand new car, my new job, yadda yadda. All of a sudden we started talking about her wedding and she told me (I’m one of her BM’s btw) that she wants us all to wear the same dress.
I understand that she wants us all to wear the same dress so it looks more uniform. But earlier this year she told me she didn’t care what kind of dress we wore and I got excited :)..anyways she changed her mind. I havent seen the dress yet but if its something I REALLY don’t want to wear (I dont feel confortable in it) could I politely ask her to help pay or pay for the dress?
Just wondering if this is rude.
Post # 3
It is slightly rude, but if you really don’t like it she should offer to help pay for it, but she has every right to change her mind about the dress, it is her wedding after all. If you can afford the dress, just wear it 🙂
Post # 4
No, that’s rude, its her day therefore her choice in dress, sorry i think you just need to suck this one up.
Post # 5
@Floridian Belle: I would say it’s pretty rude. I also thought I would allow my BM’s to wear different dresses (same color) than I realized there were so many different fabrics and other things that would make the dresses differ too much (ie frills, beads, crystals, belts etc)…and changed my mind…I was very sensitive about telling my BM’s bc of what I had mentioned earlier, but I would be surprised if any of them asked that I pay for their gown.
Post # 6
@Floridian Belle: No, thats rude. If you were struggling for money or something like that then it would be different. But just because she changed her mind doesn’t mean she should have to pay for your dress.
Post # 7
Can I ask why you’re not comfortable with the dress she had selected?
Post # 8
You haven’t seen it yet – try to keep an open mind.
Post # 9
When you say yes to being a bridesmaid, that means you’re saying yes to wearing and buying a BM dress that the bride has a lot of say in. If you’re really truly uncomfortable in something, speak up – but don’t be difficult about it just because it’s not exactly what you would have picked. It’s her wedding and presumably you’re one of her closest friends since you’re a BM, so be a good friend and buy the dress she likes for her wedding.
Post # 10
If she had said from the beginning that you had to wear that dress she picked, would you have still agreed to be a bridesmaid? If the answer is no, I think you need to reconsider your role in this wedding. The one requirement of BMs is to wear the dress chosen by the bride whatever that may entail. Of course being a supportive friend goes without saying. If you can’T do that, I think you need to resign your duties (and maybe hurt your friendship) before asking her to pay for your dress. I would find that really rude. The only circumstance is if she asks you to spend like $400 on a dress and you can’T afford the expense.
Post # 11
And I think it would be rude to ask for her to pay UNLESS you really don’t have the money, that I could understand. Asking her to pay just because you don’t like it is selfish. You agreed to be her BM you should be supportive. There’s no ‘if’s’ or ‘buts’, you’re supposed to be there for her and make HER day special.
Sorry if that was harsh.
Post # 12
@slicey19: <–This. And yes, IMHO, it’s rude.
Post # 13
Agree with PP. If you agreed to be a BM then you agree to the dresses she picks out. Of course, as your friend, she should take your thoughts into consideration, but at the end of the day it’s her choice. Now if you truly can’t afford the expense (let’s say she picks out something significantly more expensive) then you should speak to her about it and if she doesn’t offer to help pay you should resign.
Post # 14
I agree with the others. It’s not a new concept for bridesmaids to all wear the same dress, and they each pay for their own, whether they look awesome or terrible. There are very few responsibilities of a bridesmaid… wearing the dress the bride picks for them and showing up the day of the wedding. You haven’t even seen the dress yet and you’re already going in without an open mind because you’re not getting what you want, but it’s not your wedding.
Post # 15
That’s pretty typical actually. Don’t worry, go shopping with her and help find the dress. I’m sure she will want input from her girls anyway.
Post # 16
All of my girls are wearing the same dress. We all went shopping together and agreed on a dress that flattered everyone and YES I think its extremely rude. To me it sounds like you’re upset because you don’t get to pick the dress that you wear, but its not your wedding. Go shopping with an open mind and talk to the bride about any concerns you have.