- 3 years ago
I am having a huge dilemma with how to handle a situation with a girl I once considered one of my closest friends.
It all started in January when I found out I was pregnant. I had a miscarriage shortly after and my DH told my friend and her husband about it at our Superbowl party. A couple of weeks later, I visited her at her studio to hang out. She brought up my miscarriage, called it a blessing in disguise and told me that me and my husband are not ready to have kids yet because we just got married and I’m trying to find a new job, etc. I told her that when we have children is our decision. Later that night, she texted me an article about why 35 years old is the best age to have kids (DH and I are 28 and she is 30).
Fast forward to our 1 year wedding anniversary in June, DH and I find out we’re pregnant. We see this couple a few weeks after finding out but it’s still too soon to tell them. I text her when I’m 11 weeks along to try to set up a time to hang out and break the news to them, but after a couple of back and forths over a course of a week (it takes her like 2 days to respond to texts), she stops texting me and no plans are finalized. I text her again a week after my previous text and still no response. Over the course of the next month, I see her posting a constant stream of Instagram stories of all the places she’s going, people she’s hanging out with and what not, all while not attempting to talk to me or see me. In this time, my grandma also passes away, which she has no idea about because she’s not talking to me.
A couple of days ago, we decided to announce our pregnancy on social media. I was torn about this because I wanted to tell her in person, but what else was I supposed to do? Within minutes after posting, she texts me the most overly saccharine message, all in caps, exclamation marks, cake emojis, the whole shebang. Followed with “We need to celebrate. What’s the weekend like?” I’m at work and I don’t respond, mostly because I honestly don’t know what to say. She texts me later that same day to remind me that she texted me earlier. The next morning, I respond, saying that my schedule is packed through next month and that I texted her in the beginning of the month but didn’t hear back. She texts back apologizing that her schedule has been a little busy but to text her when we’re free.
Then she sent a group message to me and my husband, filled with excuses about how hard her life has been because her husband is in grad school blah blah. My husband has been unemployed with a baby on the way, my grandma died, I started working a new job while being pregnant, nauseous and exhausted, and I still made an attempt to see her because she’s my friend. Everyone has their own problems but I feel like if you consider someone your friend, you talk to them about it instead of totally disappearing.
I haven’t responded to any of her last texts because I’ve been pretty resentful. I just think it’s so rude and selfish to ignore someone you consider your best friend but expect them to be there when you’re finally ready and respond to you right away. It’s like she thinks her problems are way bigger than anything I have been going through. And at this point everything she says just seems so fake to me because I know how she feels about us having children and she has been totally MIA for months. She has been “too busy” to send a quick text but now suddenly she has time to text me nonstop for 24 hours. It doesn’t make any sense. And maybe my pregnancy hormones are blowing this out of proportion and I’m being immature.
Not sure how I should handle this or if the relationship is worth saving. Sorry for the super long post but any advice would be greatly appreciated.