(Closed) Friend who shared my due date had a miscarriage

posted 5 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2022

As long as you’re aware you might be a sore reminder then you’ll appear so much more empathetic to her. She may want have to keep her distance for a bit and it sounds like you’re ready to accept that. If she wants a shoulder to cry on, be there for her. I bet loads of people dismiss her with an ‘oh well… you’ll have another.’ 

Post # 3
Member
366 posts
Helper bee

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amanda3334455 :  I would tell her how your feeling and ask her what she needs from you. Tell her you understand if she wants to distance herself. Let her know how much you care about her and are there for her. Tell her you’re willing to help her in what ways she needs. You’re a good friend!

Post # 4
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I wouldnt make it about you at all. A simple, “Im so sorry for your loss, I’m thinking about you lots, if you need anything at all let me know” is suffice. She can choose where she wants to go from there.

Post # 5
Member
1799 posts
Buzzing bee

That’s so tough. I completely agree with 

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futuremrscrow‘s suggestion. Don’t make it about how you’re feeling. I get what
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yorp127 is saying, but talking about how someone else’s miscarriage makes you feel may come off as a bit insensitive, which I know is what you’re trying to avoid.

With regards to saying the wrong thing, just avoid sayings like “everything happens for a reason”,  “it’ll happen for you soon”, or imply that something was probably wrong with the baby. 

Post # 6
Member
3875 posts
Honey bee

I don’t agree with telling her you’re feeling uncomfortable. “I’m so sorry” is a great place to start. I’d also recommend a gesture to help take her mind off her loss. My best friend sent me some kindle book downloads and checked in on me here and there just to ask how I was doing. It’s tough, and I would definitely be sensitive, but you also have to be happy for yourself and not feel like you can’t experience joy that your pregnancy is going well. Basically, think about how you’d feel if roles were reversed and do what you can within reason to help comfort her. I’m so sorry for your friend. I hope she has a successful pregnancy soon!

Post # 7
Member
2797 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

View original reply
amanda3334455 :  I think it’s important to realize that everyone feels differently after a miscarriage. Some experience extreme grief, others are more matter-of-fact about it (and then feel uncomfortable when others expect them to be devastated). Some people want to talk about it, others want to mourn privately. Some are eager to get pregnant again, some need more time. I think just being sensitive and asking your friend how she is doing and what she might like from you is a good place to start. Also not taking it personally if she wants a little distance from you. 

Post # 8
Member
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think saying your sorry and just continuing to be a good friend is perfect and all you can do.  Let her steer the relationship for there for a while.

Post # 9
Member
1274 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
MrsMellyBean :  I second this! and everything she said.  I know both of us have been through M/Cs and I agree that the “this baby wasn’t meant to be” and comments like that were so hurtful because true or not it didn’t make you want that baby any less. 

I’m sorry original poster it’s a tough spot for both you and your friend to be in but just the fact that you are concerned with how she feels shows you are a good friend.

Post # 10
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

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futuremrscrow :  yup, good advice and maybe just check in on her in a couple of weeks or months to see how she’s doing?

The topic ‘Friend who shared my due date had a miscarriage’ is closed to new replies.

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