(Closed) Friend who thinks she’ll be a BM

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Can they do a reading (biblical, poem, whatever your preference is) at the reception?

Post # 4
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I guess my question for you would be do you consider her a close friend? You don’t have to live close by or even talk all the time to have a meaningful friendship and connection with someone. As a Bridesmaid or Best Man, what would you expect from her? Are you a buy the dress and show up bride, or do you want them actively involved? I guess what I don’t get is why it matters, if you are close with her now and have been in the past, if she ultimately moves away. It’s about your relationship and how it is now. One of my BMs lives in Ohio and we don’t talk that often because neither of us are phone people but she’s like a sister to me and her friendship means the world to me. So I guess I’m not seeing how distance and constant contact really matter here – she’s either a friend or she’s not and that should dictate your choice.

Post # 5
Member
3331 posts
Sugar bee

As sucky as it is, if you don’t intend to ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and she thinks you might, it’s possible that you can’t really avoid hurting her feelings.  I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man for a girl with whom I was close years ago, but we’ve since drifted apart (nothing bad, we just live in different towns and have different lives).  I suspect that she was expecting to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, especially when we first got engaged.  She asked me “so have you picked BM?” right after we got engaged.  Instead of putting her off, I decided to be honest and tell her that I was sorry I couldn’t include her, but I had already picked X, Y and Z to be my Bridesmaid or Best Man.  She was hurt, but I think it was easier telling her up front, rather than avoiding the question.

If you do want to find a way to inclulde your friend and her husband, a reading might be a nice way to do that. 

Post # 6
Member
350 posts
Helper bee

I agree with Kittyachi.  I will also add that if I were in your situation and decided NOT to pick her, I probably wouldn’t say anything unless she asks you directly.

Post # 7
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I also agree with kittychai.  Both of my MoH and Bridesmaid or Best Man far away.  I only see my MoH once every few years, if we were lucky, and the last time I saw my Bridesmaid or Best Man was 2 1/2 years ago, but I consider both my two closest friends.  I also don’t stay in contant with neither of them, but enough to keep the bond.  However, whether you want to include her is up to you, but I don’t see how you can avoid hurting her feelings, unless she just doesn’t care either way (but it seems like that’s not the case).  I think if I were her and were expecting to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man (and I’d expect that only because you were in the Sept wedding not that long ago), I’d be hurt whether or not you were to give me an alternate role. 

 

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