Post # 1
I am upset with my friend and as I am not a Mom I wanted to have your perspect to see if this is normal and I am the one being too sensitive.
My friend and I are having a baby shower for another friend. She had agreed that having the shower after the baby was born was a good idea because she does not like being the center of attention and that she could then introduce the baby to everyone.
Well, the date was set, the “let’s meet the baby girl” invitations were sent, everything is ready and now she said she won’t bring the baby because she doesn’t feel like “exposing her” to a lot of people and asked: Do I really have to go? I took it as a joke, but what the hell?
I am upset because it is like she is doing us a favor for even being there! I just feel I should had out my time into something else…
Post # 3
Wait, she asked if she had to go to her OWN shower?? That is bizarre. I would understand did she didn’t want to bring the baby because she was worried about her getting sick, but it doesn’t sound like that’s the case. Strange.
Post # 4
Maybe she’s having a tough time adjusting. First couple of months are rough. Plus you did say she doesn’t like being the center of attention. Try not to take it personally–she’ll remember your kindness.
Post # 5
That wasn’t very nice of her to say, I can understand why you’re annoyed! I bet she is just joking because she feels awkward about being the center of attention… I am sure she appre it’s your effort, even if she’s not showing it. If literally meeting the baby isn’t possible, maybe you could share lots of photos of the baby instead?! Or maybe you could Skype with the baby and her husband (or whoever is watching the baby)?
Post # 6
How recently was the baby born?
It can be pretty dangerous for a newborn to be around a huge group of people, especially when many of them will probably want to kiss/hold the baby. It’s very easy to pick up something which can put the baby’s health in jeopardy. For instance, RSV is a virus that seems like a mild cold/cough to adults and older children, but if it is transmitted to an infant, it can result in lifelong respiratory problems. My niece got RSV as an infant, probably from her older sister who was in preschool or kindergarten at the time, and has terrible asthma as a result. The change of heart in that regard might be due to the doctor advising not to bring the baby around a lot of people until a certain age. It may also be the case that she needs a certain amount of time to be vaccinated or for the vaccines to become effective.
Post # 7
She may have the baby blues and feel very vulnerable, tired and protective of her baby. Childbirth affects women in different ways and a big party and large group of people is probably the last thing she feels like. I know you’ve put in effort, but it’s a VERY delicate time for a new mother so I would give her some space.
Post # 8
I would just put it on her if she doesn’t want to bring the baby. People will probably understand or think she’s being weird – none of it will reflect on you. I would continue to try to be there for her and hope she comes around.
Post # 9
@Newbeg: I read the title of your post and all I could think was GERMS!!!! Honestly, this is the beginning of what will be a terrible flu season, it is probably smart of her to limit the number of people who are around the baby. I saw on TV already 18 children in the US have died from the flu this winter – really sad and scary.
Post # 10
I don’t know where you live, but all around where I live and where my parents live, this terrible plague-like sickness has been going around. If I had a new baby, there’s no way I’d bring it out to be exposed to a ton of people who will be carrying germs! But honestly, she should be grateful for your effort in showing this and graciously attending, even if she opts to not bring the baby..
Post # 11
@Newbeg: Yeah. That was rude of your friend. But what you have to understand about having a baby is this: for the first three months the baby is basically a screaming poop and puke machine whose sole mission in life is to stop you from sleeping.
The new mum probably feels tired and like she’d much rather sleep on the sofa in a stained T-shirt and pyjama pants than pack a diaper bag, get the baby washed, fed and dressesd, get herself showered, choose an outfit, do hair and makeup and then drive to the venue and interact with people on very little sleep for a couple of hours. Doing stuff like ‘fun’ party games just after you’ve had a kid is exhausting and awful and hell on Earth.
I know you were just being a good friend and I’m sure she appreciated that. But she probably isn’t ready to go through that exhausting process and do stuff like open gifts and look pleased and have people coo all over her baby with their germs (when you’re a parent there are germs everywhere). So yeah, it’s a social obligation she will go to even though she doesn’t want to. When she said ‘do I have to?’ you guys all laughed, but she was probably hoping that you would take her seriously and offer to cancel the shower.
The best thing for your friend would be if you called the shower off which is most likely what she wants and offer to babysit for a few hours instead. That way she can take a nap or have a bath or prepare a meal or any of those other things you can’t do when you have a baby. I feel like the shower at this point is more for you and whoever else is organizing it than anyone else. I’m not saying you’re being deliberately selfish or anything, but it would be good if you could give her a break instead of another thing she doesn’t have the energy for right now.
Call her and ask her frankly of this is what she wants, tell her it’s fine if she doesn’t and nobody is going to be upset that she doesn’t want a big fuss, offer to babysit or just let her stay at hime with her daughter and tell her that you guys can do something another time. See what she says. At least then you’ll know you’ve given her a choice. Oh, and please don’t guilt her into it.
Post # 12
@Newbeg: I would not want to bring my baby to a baby shower either. It’s too many people, it would send many new moms into a panic. I would however bring tons of pictures to show everyone and happily show up for the shower.
Post # 13
Ask if she’d like you to call it off. If these are close friends, see if they could deliver a meal to the new mom. Offer to coordinate the calendar of meals.
Post # 14
No I don’t think your friend is being ridiculous a lot of parents don’t bring their babies around people due to germs and giving the babies immune system time to build up a little. As a parent it’s her job to protect her baby and at the end of her day it’s her child and she gets to make choices about where she goes.
To me it sounds like she was reluctant and doesn’t really want a shower and never did, she should have just came out and said it instead of hinting at it.
Post # 15
I don’t think your friend is being rude. There are certain vaccines that people that are closely around baby have to get because baby is too little to be protected yet. I considered what I would do in this situation, as I am nine months pregnant and we thought that I would deliver early (before my shower), and I decided firmly that I didn’t want my baby around a bunch of people during winter when everyone is sick! Try to be understanding. I know your feelings are hurt and that you had the very best intentions. I’m sure she appreciates that, even if she is having a hard time showing it. Being pregnant and giving birth are emotional and exhausting. She’s lucky to have a friend who wants to do something so nice for her though.
Post # 16
I don’t think it’s rude that she wouldn’t want to bring the baby due to germy germ germs. I do think it’s rude that she was asking if she herself would have to go. I can understand feeling hurt if you’ve organised a special party for her and she says that. If she’s really uncomfortable — I’d talk to her and then cancel the shower.