- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
I was engaged before, and we called off the wedding. However, before that happened my 3 bridesmaids had purchased their dresses and had a shower for me. After the break up, I offered to pay them back for the dresses, feeling bad they spent money on something for my wedding and that it wasn’t happening. All of them said no, of course not, and were very sorry I was going through a broken engagement.
However, one of my friends spent a lot of effort convincing me that I should give my ex another shot, that his intentions are good, etc. Problem was, he was treating me really badly, and she was making justifications for his behavior. Meanwhile, she continued to talk to him and keep in touch. They were never friends before, and didn’t talk much while we were together, so I found this all very odd. I wasn’t happy about it, but I didn’t say anything to her or “forbid” her from speaking to him. I was just hurt that she knew how awful he had been to me, and kept in touch.
About 1-2 months after I offered to pay her back for the dress (and she had said no), she started complaining to me about how she wasn’t able to sell it on ebay, return it to the store, etc. She had complained from the start about the color. I had chosen a color and length (short), and told the girls to chose any dress in those parameters from the same store. After hearing more complaining about her not being able to get rid of it, I again offered to pay her back. This time she said yes, she would like that. I sent her a check and told her to not bother sending me the dress as it’s a size big for me, so I have no use for it. She also took my saying I don’t need it as validation that the dress is useless/she was right/etc. She mailed it to me regardless.
Fast forward some time. I’m engaged again, and getting married next month. I’m not doing a formal bridal party this time, just having my Maid/Matron of Honor sign as a witness. No bridal shower either. My friend had asked the Maid/Matron of Honor if I was doing bridesmaids and just didn’t ask her again b/c I was upset about the dress. Then, this week, she told me she had a dream where I had bridesmaids and when announcing them at the wedding I glared at her. I told her there are no bridesmaids, but couldn’t hold back and made a comment about she wouldn’t have had a dress anyways- petty, I know.
To sum up, I’m mostly upset about her attitude throughout all of this. Between continuing to talk to my ex (who then ended up asking her out on a date on facebook on my birthday), telling me to check out specific comments he/she made to each other, complaining non stop about how she has no use for the dress, and acting supportive until she realized that she couldn’t get her money back. I don’t know if she realizes her behavior was hurtful, but I think she might since she keeps asking about bridesmaids. I still talk to her and haven’t told her that I was hurt by all of this. I just put some distance between us because I don’t want to make more conflict by bringing it up.
I just don’t know if I’m justified to be upset, or overreacting. Any thoughts?