(Closed) Friend/Co-worker doesn't want to go to wedding, overreacting?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

She could have social anxiety. I wouldn’t go to a wedding where I didn’t know anyone but the bride for this reason. I loathe being in large groups of people I don’t know, and avoid them at all costs.  This doesn’t make her a bad friend, it just means she isn’t comfortable. 

Post # 4
1777 posts
Buzzing bee

@raziel1687:  She may not like large(r) groups.  She felt OK to see you one-on-one in the hospital, but doesn’t appear to be up for a larger scenario.  She doesn’t know and/or is not responsible for the fact that she’s one of very few people who are asked to be there on your side.  Maybe she doesn’t have clothes she’d feel comfortable wearing and doesn’t want to/can’t afford to buy new. Maybe she’s had some trauma associated with a wedding (left at the alter/bad break up) etc. 

By being willing to visit you in the hospital she’s shown herself to be more supportive of you than most people.  She’s willing to send a present so it seems to me that she’d doing as much as she can.  You’d prefer more, but she just may not be able to put herself out there by going to a wedding.  Sometimes people can only do what they can do.

Post # 6
3210 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@raziel1687:  It was very gracious of her to decline but intend to send a gift. That means that you are special to her. While it’s nice to have friends supporting your on your wedding day, they certainly aren’t obligated to do so. Is she single? I personally would not attend a wedding where I did not know anyone. If that were the case, the person whose wedding I was invited to probably is not a close friend anyhow, making attending the wedding even more awkward. 


Post # 9
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Were you planning on giving her a +1? I know that I’m always super awkward when I don’t know anyone else at an event. It makes it so much easier when you at least have one person you can count on.

Post # 10
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

That hella sucks 🙁 Might she be more into going if she were given a plus one so that she knows someone?

Post # 11
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@raziel1687:  I would still invite her.  It’s the thought that counts.  I sent a few invitations to people that were already guaranteed No’s, just because I want them to know that I still would want them there, ya know?

Post # 12
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Did you make it clear that you’d appreciate her being at the ceremony but she doesn’t have to come to the reception? She might feel awkward suggesting it.

Post # 13
1014 posts
Bumble bee

“And other than that, she has no other valid excuse to not go, she’s not that busy, and it’s not like she lives far.”

You have no idea if she has any other valid excuse to not go unless she divulges every single detail of her personal life to you, and I doubt that that’s the case.  I’m sorry, but I think you’re being quite unreasonable.  I understand that it must be disappointing to know that she won’t be there to share the day with you, but if she says that she can’t make it then you need to graciously respect her decision.

Post # 16
2951 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 1998

@raziel1687:  I’m sure that was really upsetting for you to hear her say that:(

I do understand where she is coming from though I’m also really shy and wouldn’t want to go on my own either.

I think she could have had a little more tack about it. I would have probably made an excuse after I got the invite and after I had time to decide clearly if I would attend.

Don’t take it to heart!

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