(Closed) Friendor From Hell! (long vent)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
375 posts
Helper bee

Wow, what a situation to be in. Obviously this isn’t a friendor you can just walk away from and cut ties–not if you’re to godparents of his kids–so the standard advice to hold your ground doesn’t 100% apply.

I suppose it matters, too, if he’s doing this gratis or if you’re paying him. If money is changing hands then, well, it’d be good to have a heart-to-heart about keeping friendship and business separate. But if he’s giving you the benefit of his expertise and experience for free, there’s only so much you can do without coming off as a ‘zilla.

Sounds like he’s got a very strong personality and even a persistent “your vision isn’t the same as ours” probably won’t get through to him. But all his other input? It’s an opinion, and you are never obligated to take someone’s opinion as gospel. If he notices that details aren’t what he recommended, as simple “we decided to go another way” is all that’s really needed and, by then, it’s too late anyway.

I wish you luck!

Post # 4
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Just because a friend has these skills does not mean you have to use him!!! I would tell him as nicely as possible that while you appreciate his help, you have a vision for your wedding and you would like to do things your way.  Why use invites that you hate to spare his feelings?? Sorry, but I would tell him that you want things done a certain way, and if he doesn’t feel that he can do them the way you want them, then you will go with someone else. You shoudl have done that from the beginning, but I don’t think you should keep quiet and have elements that you hate to “spare his feelings”. A true friend would tell them truth, and the friendor would respect their vision and do what they want, not tell them what they should do and get pissy if things aren’t done their way

Post # 5
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

You need to speak up. Dont just accept things you hate just because you are scared to hurt his feelings. This is your wedding. If he is a good friend and a true professional he will understand you speaking up about what you want.

Post # 6
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@yellowshoe: You have to speak up for yourself… As a Customer and not As his friend. He has to understand the difference of roles right now


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