Post # 1
Member
1568 posts
Bumble bee
Not necessarily on here but in a lot of places I hear people say/write your friend’s AND/OR loved ones as if the two are separate. Im always so confused by this because my close/best friends are my loved ones I love and carw abour my friends/family. To me putting and/or is the same thing as saying you can either pick an apple or a piece of fruit they are literally the same thing. Can anyone clarify this for me or do you guys agree it’s kinda weird?
Post # 2
Member
5315 posts
Bee Keeper
I’ve never seen or heard that…
Post # 3
Member
18 posts
Newbee
I think that’s a pretty normal thing. I think what they mean here by “loved ones” is family. Personally, I was raised to believe that your family is the most important and you support them/can rely on your family without limitations. Friends are next and friends can be like family and have that same level of love and trust, but they’re still not family. But this completely depends on your upbringing and personal history/background! It’s still just as valid to consider your friends as your loved ones or even not to consider your family as such if you have a bad relationship there.
Post # 4
Member
7842 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
You have been obsessed with this issue FOREVER. Let it go. It doesn’t matter how much validation you might get from strangers, it will not change how his family views you. You are only hurting yourself with this unhealthy fixation.
Post # 5
Member
1568 posts
Bumble bee
pagirl928 : but my point is that by saying or loved ones that friends arent people you love. You can love both your friends and family. They aren’t mutually exclusive. Just like you can love your spouse the most and still love your best friend. Yoir love doesn’t run out.
Post # 6
Member
4053 posts
Honey bee
I have loved ones who aren’t my “friend” though. I love my aunts and uncles..doesn’t make them my friend. I think you’re obsessing on semantics.
Post # 7
Member
1568 posts
Bumble bee
FutureMrsBex : True but you can still love your aunts and uncles and your friends. Also if your uncle jim who you see a few times a year on holiday has an event and your close friend who you see everyday has an event on the same day would you really choose the uncle just because of shared blood? Most people are closer to their friends that they share commonalities and interest with and they see a lot more often than uncle Jim that you see not often or even if you do. Also people shouldn’t just love people because of shared DNA and blood if I barely see my uncle why should I automatically love someone i dont have a bond and connection with because they are related to me and on the same token not love a friend who is super close to me and I have that connection with because we arent related
Post # 8
Member
1568 posts
Bumble bee
FutureMrsBex : Yes but friends are also loved ones so by saying friends OR loved ones it is implying that friends arent loved ones… I dunno it is just something i was thinking about with the wording
Post # 9
Member
1568 posts
Bumble bee
pagirl928 : but if you friends are likr family and you trust them jut as much why are there limitations? There should be limitations to family too if a sibling asks you for a ride everyday to work and takes advantage of you and never offers anything in return you shouldn’t let people take advantage of you whether friend or family. If my best friend of 20 years needs something she I family to me and I 100% trust her as such. There are no limitation on our friendship and if she needed me I would be there in a heart beat. But cousin Jane and I may be family but I see her once a year at holiday with 20 other people i should automatically do more and have more tolerance than my very best friend because according to your logic she is family and my best friend isn’t. Please explain what you mean by limitations
Post # 10
Member
1683 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: May 2019 - City, State
Everyone sees this differently. To some people they are one in the same, to others they are not. There is no right or wrong way of looking at this. You do you and stop worrying about what everyone else thinks.
ETA: No sass intended, I personally agree in that my close friends are my family and I have blood relatives that mean nothing to me and vice versa. But many people think blood > everything. I don’t understand it, but I don’t have to. I’m just gonna do me and let them do them.
Post # 11
Member
7842 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
You have at least six or seven threads about family relations and/or MILs. I think you have probably been told this a million times here, but it is fine however you want to view and do things. You also cannot change other people and their opinions. I think if you’re STILL stuck on this at least 7+ months later (perhaps more), you need better control of your anxiety.
Post # 12
Member
1568 posts
Bumble bee
chelbell23 : True that most people think that I just can’t wrap my head around the logic that because of literal shared blood with someone who you may see for a few hours once a year should be inherently more important than a best friend of many years or any friend for that matter because blood.
Post # 13
Member
10299 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
soexcited123 :
But nobody, nobody here is saying that blood trumps all. Maybe some old fashioned/traditional people or some cultural groups think that way, but why it should obsess you so is past understanding.
Can you not simply accept that some people feel differently than you? And that there is no actual need to ‘wrap your head around it ?