Post # 1
Hi Bee’s, I don’t know what to do! A little background:
We have this couple friends who got engaged maybe a couple of weeks before us, so when we started looking a venues fiance and I decided to reach out and asked what dates they where looking at for their wedding, they gave us 2 dates one of them was Sept. 18th and the other Oct. 12th, at which we replied with “great! so no conflicts with dates! We are doing Sept 28th!” which is fine as their wedding is local so it wouldn’t have been an issue as people didn’t have to travel for it.
Yesterday we received an email saying they have booked a venue for Sept. 28th. I was quite upset, so I messaged fiance and he was also upset, we decided to call our planner and see what could be done with our venue, which I did, and planner told me she as going to see if anything could be done. Fiance in the other hand told me to wait until he got home from the office in other to reply to friends email. In that time I chatted with our friend group on our group chat to tel them know that we might have to change the date, and why, they all said that if it comes to it they would be coming to ours, so when fiance got home and we talked we decide to wait till we heard back from the planner. When the she called she told us there were not other dates available, so we decided to keep our original date of Sept 28th.
Fiance emailed friends back, saying ” oh, we also had booked sept 28th, as per our conversation”, They replied latter saying that her initial email date was a typo she meant sept 28th not the 18th, and that she was very sorry for the miscommunication, and that all our friends are probably going to go to our wedding, and she really wanted to celebrate with us her.
Now I feel awful, first because i was so angry initially, and then because she is going to be missing all the friends. I talked to fiance and told hem that we could move it for 2020, but he thinks we should just go ahead and have the wedding and celebrate with them somehow after, and that he know that I really don’t wanna wait that long and he doesn’t either.
Am I a horrible human? ugh!
Post # 2
dt2413 : You are not a terrible human.
I assume you guys are talking about Sept of 2019? I wouldn’t want to move my wedding out to 2020 just because my friends are having their wedding the same day but it does suck that your friends will now have to choose.
Not that it REALLY matters, but I think they’re lying about the date. Even if it was a typo on their end, you guys responded with the 28th so that would have given them the opportunity to say “oh, sorry that’s what I meant, not the 18th”. Then you could have figured it all out from there.
If you want to celebrate with them after, plan a night out together to a nice dinner and a show or something.
Post # 3
dt2413 : I would go ahead with the wedding date I set regardless of what someone else is doing the same day. Yes, its going to be awful for your friends that you share but it is up to your friends to decide which wedding they will attend. I wouldn’t get offended either way if they decided not to attend my wedding. Just be prepared for what may come due to sharing the wedding day and having mutual friends. Yes, they may be missing all the friends from your group. You all have other friends and family to share the day with that do not overlap with your guest lists. Yes, it sucks but there is no way I would change my wedding date at all.
Post # 4
That really sucks. It was a clearly a typo to me before I even got to the end of your post because Sept 18 is a Wednesday which makes no sense. However, your friends should have chosen the other date when you TOLD them you already chose Sept 28. ugh!
Don’t move your wedding. You were kind enough to check with them ahead of time and then you also told them your confirmed date before they booked. You’ve done nothing wrong. If their friends can’t come, then they should change their date.
Post # 5
That sucks- but since Sept 18th is a Wednesday, I’m pretty sure it was a real typo.
Don’t assume your mutual friends will pick your wedding though. They may decide on a 50/50 split. That definitely happened when two friends of mine got married on the same weekend in different cities. If we all had a choice, we would have attended both. Since that wasn’t going to happen, we decided there was no reason for a “winner takes all” scenario.
In fact, I’d probably suggest that as one of the brides, to make sure that your friend has at least some of your friend circle present (and so guests don’t feel guilty about having to choose). A little bit of grace goes a long way.
Post # 6
dt2413 : Ahh! Thats stinks! How many overlapping guests are we talking about here? It was very nice of you to ask your planner about switching dates, even though you definitely didn’t need to. When she said no other dates available did she mean in all of 2019? Or just dates close to your September 28th date?
I would definitely NOT postpone until 2020. It’s a crappy situation but even if your friend made a typo in her original text, she would then have seen you clearly tell her you booked the 28th so… This really isn’t your fault at all.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t move it. You already told her your date in your original replay to the email with the typo and no one caught on that the 18th is a Wednesday and a little unusual for a wedding date since the other date is a Saturday or you really were talking about the same date and she booked it anyway. That’s life. If she’s that crestfallen about not celebrating with you they can rebook their wedding. If both your weddings are local people can find a way to hit both if they really want. That’s just how life works sometimes. Honestly I’m not sure you necessarily had any obligation to coordinate your dates in the first place – but you tried and it just didn’t work out due to an honest mistake. Thems the breaks. I’m personally not a big fan of postponing my own life for anything other than an emergency or for something of great importance to my own innermost circle (SO, parent, sibling).
Post # 8
I mean, you told them early on what your date was. Typo or not, they already knew your date before booking theirs. I would not change it. It sucks that they won’t be there but delaying a whole year because THEY fucked up is silly.
Post # 9
Yeah… def a typo. I’m surprised you didn’t ask them why they were getting married on a wed.
But, once it’s booked, it’s booked. Unless it was easy to just push it back a weekend or two.
Just celebrate with her ahead and make double sure not to overlap showers or bachelorettes. Or do a double bachelorette if your friends are all the same.
Post # 10
bibliophilacticbee : I guess I didn’t think to ask because we replied with our date, but now I am thinking that maybe they thought we were being sarcastic/joking?
llevinso : We have at least 14/15 guest that overlap
annabananabee : Our wedding is kind of a destination wedding, is in the US but not at our state.
Post # 11
Dang, that sucks but I would not feel it would be on me to change the date. You had your venue and date secured before they did.
Post # 12
dt2413 : So kind of like a Destination Wedding, meaning what? Will people need flights? Hotel rooms? Rental cars?
I ask because although all your friends now SAY they’ll all go to yours…if it involves travel and the other wedding is local, I wouldn’t count on it. I say this as someone who had a Destination Wedding. Everyone is always excited in the beginning, but once reality sets in about the associated costs that excitement quickly diminishes. Not saying you should alter your plans at all, just wanted to give you a possible heads up.
Post # 13
dt2413 : Nope. You said in your response that you were picking the 28th so they knew before they booked that it was your date.
Post # 14
llevinso : I am not worried about the traveling part, we discussed we friends our plans for the wedding before deciding on a place. We are doing Park City Utah, which is a place we all go a few times a year to ski, and fiance’s parents have a vacation place there so many of then usually stay with us.
Also, literally all the wedding we go to are out of state, the past few years there have been at least 2 weddings per year.
Post # 15
That’s super weird, though. They knew your date, but booked it anyway? My only guess is that it was the only fall date available to them? I dunno, it’s so strange.
But no, please don’t feel obligated to change your date. You had it booked first, she knew, so obviously it wasn’t important to them to make sure it didn’t conflict. I would just continue planning your wedding as normal and let people attend whichever they want to attend, I suppose!