posted 6 months ago in Engagement
Post # 16
9236 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I wouldn’t change the date, but I also wouldn’t expect every one of your friends to ditch their wedding.

Do you really think that out of 15 people every single one of them thinks of you and your Fiance as “closer” friends than this other couple? Idk, I doubt that. Add in the extra traveling and I’m sure a few will still go to their wedding.

Post # 17
3093 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

OK, that does suck and it is unfortunate that your friends will now have to choose; however, if anyone is going to be changing their date at this point it should be the other couple. They’re the ones who messed up, not you. 

Post # 18
1751 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

I would just go ahead with your wedding. It was obviously a typo (Sept 18 is a Wednesday), but when you responded back that you were getting married on Sept 28th, they knew your date and booked theirs anyway. Just go ahead and don’t look back. But also if yours is a destination wedding, don’t hold it against any of your friends if they choose to stay in town and go to the other wedding. 

Post # 19
1451 posts
Bumble bee

It’s pretty shitty of them to book that date when you explicitly told them that was your plan. They likely took this all into consideration, so do not change your date now.

Post # 20
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I think it’s probably a genuine mistake and they probably just midread your message in response.

Whilst you’re not obligated to change your wedding if this was a couple in my close group of friends I probably would. I wouldn’t want to make my friends choose between us and it would definitely impact my day negatively. 

I also agree as much as people say they’ll travel if there is a travel free option some people will definitely take it. 

Post # 21
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - York, ME

MancBee :  It would be hard for them to change it though since they already have a venue booked with no other dates available that year.  It’s not just simply moving it up or back a couple weeks…They’d have to get married a different year or lose the deposit.

Post # 22
977 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

It’s an unfortunate miscommunication, but it’s not your fault at all. She should have been more careful with her typing for something so important (as PPs said, it definitely is a typo because the 18th is a Wednesday). And she definitely should have re-read her previous message in light of your response.

I wouldn’t move your wedding to the next year. It’s sad when friends have to miss a wedding, but that often happens no matter what. Especially since your wedding requires travel, you should already expect that attendance will be lower than it might be otherwise. You can still both get married with your families and get together for a celebration with your friends afterwards.

Post # 24
6385 posts
Bee Keeper

dt2413 :  do not change your date to suit them.  They should have picked another one especially if they can read. they would have seen you were booking for 9/28.

Post # 25
7273 posts
Busy Beekeeper

dt2413 :  I wouldn’t change the date over a dozen potential guests – people will make their choice and you’ll have an awesome time either way. We had to pick between two weddings once and it worked out that the couple whose wedding we were missing did a big joint bachelor/bachelorette weekend so we attended that instead. Although I did have one girl who I had never met before give me shit over my wedding date because it was the same as hers and now 2 of her college friends weren’t going to go to her wedding because they were my co-MOHs. Uh….sorry chick. Get a life. 

Post # 26
8998 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

dt2413 :  I think you are doing the right thing and that your email was nice but it seems like you (and your friends) are assuming that you were even invited to the wedding. You guys initiated the date inquiry assumming you/your friends were invited and they clearly didn’t say anything so maybe they had no plans to invite you or your friends.

There was a bride on here whose cousin had the same date and was upset about it but it transpired that the cousin didn’t have a relationship with the extended family anyway. So maybe they never planned to invite any of you and your wedding on the same day just made that easier for them.

Post # 27
3293 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

I think it was unnecessary to tell your friends why you were changing your date, and was explicitly done on your part to get them on your “side” and ensure that the friends came to your wedding and not theirs. As far out as it is, no one would have questioned why you picked a different date. 

That aside, keep your date. It was an unfortunate miscommunication but at the end of the day you’ll both be married and your friends will go to whichever wedding they choose, and hopefully no one in the situation will have hard feelings towards anyone else. 

Post # 28
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

Don’t feel bad, looks like it’s no ones fault and everyone is aware of that. Keep your date and go for it. 


dt2413 :  

Post # 29
1305 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

dt2413 :  “In that time I chatted with our friend group on our group chat to tel them know that we might have to change the date, and why, they all said that if it comes to it they would be coming to ours”

👆that was some manipulative Mean Girls shit you should feel horrible for, but it’s the only thing you’ve done wrong. Keep your date, but take some steps to avoid “all” of the mutual friends ditching the other wedding.

As a previous Bee suggested, the graceful way to handle this (esp. since you appear to be the more popular/influential couple) is to ensure your mutual friend group is split: tell them directly you’d like for some to attend the other couples’ wedding. Then maybe you can set up a FaceTime thing at the reception so you can share in each other’s parties a little bit.

Post # 30
2490 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

This whole situation is really weird that out of 365 days in a year you both had to get to married in September and just so happened to pickthr exact same date. Very very odd. Even more odd that you guys discussed this so heavily with each other. Like are these people your very best friends ever? It was mean girl-ish to hit everyone up to tell them instead of letting them figure it out on their own and decide which wedding to RSVP to. It almost seems like you wanted them to know for sure that you had the date first so therefore they should go to your wedding. It is bizarre but don’t change your date now just leave it alone and those 15 people can decide how to move forward seeing as how they’re all adults. 

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