Post # 1
So it’s two months out from our big day (eeeekk!) and I just found out friends of ours are organising their wedding the day after ours. As in, their ceremony is 10:00am the following day, with a reception in the afternoon.
I get it – they have underlying circumstances that mean they need to fast-forward their plans and I completely understand that finding a date that fits with availability at the city hall and with family/friends is a big pain in the ass. I also trust them when they say they have looked at all other alternatives but couldn’t find another solution. But I can’t really help but feel frustrated. Because of the whole situation, they aren’t able to attend our wedding, though they said they would try to be at the ceremony. I’m also worried that some of our close friends will want to participate in their ceremony the following morning, and therefore leave our reception early (it’s not uncommon for wedding parties to last until 2/3am here – if not later – since the “party” element only begins around 11:00pm).
I know I can’t control what other people do and that I don’t have dibs on any date (let alone a whole weekend), but I can’t help feeling a bit sad that they won’t be joining and potentially friends will miss out on part of our party because they will want to (essentially be good friends and) attend both. We also won’t be able to attend their party, since it’s the last day my family will be in town and we already have plans to spend it with them. I guess I’m just frustrated to be in the situation to begin with, and even more frustrated that it could potentially put our mutual guests in an awkward position.
I guess what I’d like to get opinions on is how to deal… I want to make sure my frustration doesn’t really show when I see them (which will likely only be at our wedding since they live rather far away, though are from the city where we’ll marry) – and I definitely don’t want to ask friends not to attend their ceremony. But I have a shitty poker face and I don’t think I would be able to hide that I will be disappointed that people would leave early because of this. I mean, we’ve been planning our wedding for two freakin’ years. I want people to be able to really let loose and enjoy themselves, not worry about staying up too late. ughhhh. What would you do?
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Post # 2
I would be upset too and I too have a terrible Poker face, sorry this is happening to you!
Post # 3
This definitely sucks, but falls into the “things one cannot control” category. Enjoy your day, enjoy your celebration, enjoy your friends and family, and let them enjoy theirs. This won’t take away from your day and marriage, if you don’t let it.
Post # 4
Oh bee, I really feel for you – this is a horrible situation you’ve been put in! All I can say is that if I were a guest invited to both, I’d definitely be more likely to attend the wedding I was invited to first, so I think more people will be inclined toward your wedding. Also people always SAY they’re going to take it easy at wedding receptions, but once the party gets going people will get into the swing of things and forget they were meant to be ‘behaving’ for the early start the next morning – trust me! At the absolute least, YOU will be having a ball, and as long as your family, best friends and new spouse are with you, you won’t even notice if a few people trickle away early.
Big hugs, and good luck for the big day!
Post # 5
Can you go through your guest list (and maybe ask them for theirs?) to figure out what the overlap in guests would be? Are we talking 5% or are we talking 50%+ of guests that may be affected?
Anyway that you can move the start time of the “party” element up a bit (quite last minute…I know).
As for handling it, I would be really open and honest with them, especially if you have a bad poker face. By that I mean, make it clear that you ARE disappointed but not in them. You’re frustrated at the universe for creating this situation, not angry with them for having to make this decision. That way you don’t have to worry about hiding your disappointment but they also realize that you don’t point any fingers at them. I’d also make it clear that you’re happy for them as a couple and that you wish them all the best for their big day.
Post # 6
How good of a friend are they? How much overlap is there?
Honestly, I’d much rather stay late at fine night time wedding than get up early for a daytime/brunch wedding.
Post # 7
Oh bee bless you. No advice but I would be sad at this situation too.
Post # 8
Guests will leave early or stay late for a variety of reasons. Some might have to do with other events in general on the weekend or it might be because of tiredness or the stress of the week. Some will leave early, some won’t. You’ll be surprised who does leave early. Some of these will be mutual friends but not all of them.
You get to be sad that they won’t be able to attend your wedding. It means a lot to celebrate with your friends. You get to be sad that you won’t be able to watch them get married. You get to tell them you would love at your wedding and to be at theirs but understand it doesn’t work out. You don’t get to be sad about when mutual friends leave, whether it’s because of the wedding the next day or any other factor. Talk to the other couple, tell them that you’re sad about not being at each other’s weddings and that maybe you could all meet at some point and enjoy in pre-wedding excitement or post-wedding ‘oh my god we’re all married’.
As a guest I’m unlikely to stay to 3am, even if it is the norm and regardless of whether I’ve another wedding the day after or not. I would attend both weddings of my friends, even if I knew I would be tired because two of my friends are celebrating the love they have. Plus I’d have to get two new dresses so that doesn’t hurt. Honestly if these people are your friends and theirs, they will just be happy there’s so much to celebrate. Plus you’ll always be able to remember your friends anniversary and vice versa.
Post # 9
I’d be upset too, not at the friends but just at the situation. It’s such a shame.
Out of interest how many of your wedding guests will be attending their wedding?
Post # 10
I highly doubt that majority of your guests are gonna party until 3 a.m. even though “it’s the norm”. I can foresee some of your younger friends in their 20s doing that, but not most people in their 30s and older. Be prepared that by 1 :30 am people are gonna start to head out, like it or not, so I don’t see what the whole upsetting thing here is. All your friends are gonna attend the ceremony and the reception except that one couple. NBD. Too bad that you can’t go to their wedding the next day, but you can get together at a later date and watch videos and photos.
Post # 11
Thanks ladies! Luckily the overlap isn’t *too* big, maybe 20% of guests (though some are included in our bridal party).
I know I can’t dictate when guests leave and that not everyone is a party-til-you-drop kind of person, but our mutual guests largely fall into this category. It’s not possible to move the party up, since here it’s tradition to invite family and close friends for dinner and then invite additional guests to join for dessert and the party, the timing of which is outlined in the invitation. The wording TravelingBride31
suggested is really good, though. I’m not upset with them, just the situation. I also don’t want to project that I think their wedding is any less special, but maybe inviting them out afterwards for a drink or something might work. We’ll see.
Post # 12
I think you’re being a lot more reasonable about this than a lot of people would be! You dont say what the reasons are that there is literally no way they could have a wedding at any other time but they would need to be amazing reasons for you not to be entitled to be upset.
the point is that it does affect your day as people are less likely to stay. If someone at the other wedding leaves early, maybe it’s nothing to do with that and they would have anyway but it won’t seem that way to you.
I advise speaking to those in your wedding party and seeing what their plans are – if they are going to leave early so they are fresh for the other Wedding, it’s best to know in advance. Other than that, theres not a lot you can do but I think you are being more than fair. Good luck!!
Post # 13
- Wedding: November 2016 - Muhlhauser Barn
Im sorry you are going through this! This sucks for you!! 🙁
I feel like if i was IN a wedding the day before another wedding i was to attend as a guest I would spend all my time at the wedding i was IN and maybe not attend the other wedding for very long.
Post # 14
Any chance that since they are pushing their wedding up so quickly that their guest will be smaller than you expect?
Post # 15
Unfortunately, I think this issue is way too common. When my daughter hit the age where there were mulitple friends’ weddings each year, she consulted with a couple who was engaged, over a year before she set her date. The groom assured her they were considering the end of summer or fall, of the folllowing year, so she booked her wedding for the spring.
And guess what they did? They booked theirs’ the same weekend. My daughter had to hold her rehearsal and dinner the weekend before, because there was one groomsman common to both bridal parties. And about 25 mutual friends.
Was it a “dick move?” Most people would say “you only get one day.” However, not only did my daughter consult them, she reserved her date 3 months before they did, and everyone had already received their save the dates. The groom tried to defend himself, by saying “it was the only date available.” Sure … However, his fiancee confessed to another mutual friend that “they were engaged first, so they HAD TO get married first.”
Needless to say, they are no longer friends, although they see each other at the social occassions, of mutual friends.