(Closed) Friends, are they?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@suez:  Wow that is shitty.  Stop “babysitting” pronto.  And don’t attend the parties.  I am not sure what else you can do but confront them…but you really don’t sound confrontational.

As I get older, my main 3 friends have stayed the same, and everyone else just kinda faded away.  I really believe in quality over quantity in this category!

Post # 4
Member
1762 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@deetroitwhat:  +1 I agree I would rather just have 4 quaters then 100 pennies…as my mom would say.

Post # 6
Member
435 posts
Helper bee

@suez:  

I HATE those stupid parties. I swear its an epidemic these days.  It seems like I get invites every day to candle parties, jewellery parties, sex toy parties, cleaning product parties, spice parties, and on and on.  They’re like socially acceptable pyramid schemes if you ask me.  I totally understand how you feel used.  People like that don’t want your friendship, they want your money.  I don’t even respond to those requests anymore.

Post # 7
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

@suez:  I have lost nearly all of my own ‘friends’ this same way. They would always ‘need’ something, or want me to hang out, oh and then buy them cigarettes/food/etc. Because I didn’t have a backbone, I would oblige.

I finally stopped hanging around them, but I still have to make up excuses (because I also hate confrontation) about why I can’t visit.

Post # 8
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@suez:  Just out of curiousity, how old are you?  I am in my late 20’s and find that those types of parties are kinda fun and a good way to get people together outside of going to bars and dinners.  I’ve never hosted one, but can imagine the work that goes into having 15+ women over.  When i’ve gone to those parties, I’ve never felt pressured to buy anything if I didn’t want to (although I usually did, bc I’ll see something I like), so maybe you’re putting the pressure to spend $ at those parties on yourself?  I always liked the interaction and saw it as a way to meet other girls outside of my small circle.  I guess if you’re at the point in your life where you don’t care to have any friends, then just stop responding to the invitations.  Girls will usually get the hint pretty quickly.

As for the babysitting, if you feel taken advantage of, stop responding to her asap!  Thats not cool if the only time she contacts you is to watch her kid and never wants to hang out outside of that.

Post # 9
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@suez:  That sucks.  I think almost everyone has had friends who’ve taken advantage of them at one point.  You just have to say no.  You don’t have to give a back story or say you’ll never babysit or go to a party again but just that at this time you can’t because you have other plans or becasue you can’t afford it right now.  Maybe you can find a group or something to meet new people.  A few years ago, I was unemployed and living in a new city where I knew very few people.  I found a group on Meetup.com of other ppl who were unemployed.  We’d meet at coffee shops and share information about job fairs, temp work and resume help.  It was nice to not feel alone and to have people to hang out with.

Post # 13
Member
7616 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@suez:  Use your caller ID. Just don’t answer their calls. They’ve shown their colors, so you won’t be missing anything by completely ignoring them. They’ll get the hint eventually.

Post # 14
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I agree, stop babysitting.  Just because you’re not working, it doesn’t mean you owe anyone anything, or that you’re obligated to do favors for people.  As for your old friends, they don’t sound like very friendly or genuine people.

Post # 15
Member
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@suez:  I get this. I have my own business (massage therapy and teaching yoga) and I never solicit my friends. I feel that its unethical and unprofessional. These parties are fun but only a few of these people who have these parties have the intention of being a professional salesperson.

If I have friends that complain of a problem – pain or whatever, or they’re interested in trying yoga I say “hey, you’re welcome to come to my class/see me for help and I’ll see what I can do”, but I never bring it up unless they do first. As a self-employed person its important that I keep my professional life separate from my personal life, and that means looking for potential clients – not asking my friends to be my clients. That really takes a lot of the work out of having to reach out to new people!

I don’t think that some people understand the harm that they do and how they can make people feel used. I really like going to some of the jewelry and make up parties and when the people selling aren’t my friends, I feel that there is more of a professional relationship.

 

Oh my gosh, my one friend is a cosmetologist and is constantly asking me when I’m going to come in to get my hair done. “You need your hair done!” “We’re running this deal on pedicures, you should come in!”, etc. etc. She knows that I’m just starting a business and making just under $300 a month at the moment and I’ve told her I can’t afford to come, but she still bugs me. So guess what? I really need my hair done… so I’m going this Friday to a different salon (but… then again this isn’t the only issue with this friend).

I just think that some peoples’ business practices are unethical. I don’t work for the money – that’s an awesome perk that I am thankful for. I’m not just trying to sell a service for money, I want to help people with my service that I believe in and make money while doing it.

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