Post # 1
Member
1274 posts
Bumble bee
This is more of a ‘what if’ question…but I’m a bit worried it might happen. Bit of a backstory here – picked my bridesmaids 4 girls in total. Fiance has 5 groomsmen. His bro and 4 of his best friends. So we can’t subtract from these numbers.
I’m going to visit my 2 old roommates from uni this weekend – these girls were my close close friends while I was in school (I graduated in 2008). But time has passed and distance is between us and we are not super close anymore. I still consider these girls good friends, we only see each other once or twice a year but we keep in contact via FB or texting, etc.
Friend A got married last summer, and didn’t have Friend B or myself in her wedding party. Since we all weren’t as close as we once were it wasn’t a big deal. It was also sort of nice b/c myself and Friend B got to sit with our guys and another close friend, C and had sooo much fun just hanging out together. I plan on seating A B C together at my wedding too. I am just hoping Friend A & B won’t ask about it or get upset because they aren’t bridesmaids…I don’t have any sisters so it is my cousin, 2 friends I’ve known since elementary school and another friend. I can’t very well ask 1 of these friends and not the other, and it would be weird to ask A B and not C, etc. It’s just one of those things…and having 7 bridesmaids is too many. I picked 4 because I can’t handle more than that, lol.
Ugh. I just don’t want any hurt feelings. I want them to come to my wedding and dance with their hubbies/boyfriends and just have a good time! Mostly I am concerned because I’m visiting with them this weekend and am worried about what I should say if the topic is brought up? Any ideas IF the topic comes up?
Post # 3
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
If they bring it up, tell them that you haven’t decided on the bridal party, then start talking about something else (ask about their lives, people love talking about themselves!)
Post # 4
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
I would just be honest and say the bridal party has already been choosen-you want a small bridal party, etc. Have a plan to ask them to be a part in another way-as a reader or something.
Post # 5
Member
7899 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
There is nothing wrong in asking either A or B or C to be in your wedding party. You don’t have to invite all friends from the same friend-pool. In fact, many people choose one representative from each circle (a sister, a friend from childhood, a friend from college, a friend from your adult life, for example). If they do ask about the bridal party, just tell them what you decided to do. From the background you’ve given, I can’t imagine any of them would expect to be included, but they might be wondering, and knowing whether or not they are being included is the kind of information people want as soon as possible. Do they have to start budgeting for a dress, shoes, parties, etc. or not?
Post # 6
Member
1274 posts
Bumble bee
@futuremrsfitz18: true – people do love that! 😉 I think I will probably do that, I just worry that they might ask again later and then I’ll have to break it to them eventually.
I am just hoping that it won’t be brought up! 🙂
Post # 7
Member
1328 posts
Bumble bee
I can give some perspective from the “snubbed” bridesmaid side. My former college roommate recently got married and did not ask me, or our other roommate, to be bridesmaids. It was a big of a shock at first because we were very close, still visited each other regularly, and had always discussed being each others bridesmaids. In the end I got over it, was glad I didn’t have to buy a pricey bridesmaid dress, or travel out of state for the shower and other events. I know the other former roomie was still bitter about it up until the wedding, but we all went, enjoyed ourselves, and everyone is still on friendly terms.
So trust me, they’ll get over it.
Post # 8
Member
1274 posts
Bumble bee
Thanks for everyone’s input. I was thinking that later on I might ask one of those friends to do a reading or something, but we haven’t figured out the ceremony details with our minister yet so that will come later.
If it comes up I’ll have to just be honest, we want to keep the bridal party manageable/smallish. And this way they’ll know in advance. These girls know me well so I hope they understand. 🙂
@Kit_Kath: thank you for your input! See I am worried about anyone feeling snubbed but I also feel like after A’s wedding last summer, we can all be okay with it. Because we all went and had a great time and didn’t have to worry about travelling plus hotel plus a dress and shoes, etc, it was good because we were all seated together.