(Closed) "Friends" continuing to ask why they aren't invited

posted 8 years ago in Logistics
Post # 3
2324 posts
Buzzing bee

Interesting…. it would depend on what you would like your relationship to be like after the wedding. it sounds like you’ve been doing fine without her, i’d send her a short, to the point message that unfortunately you are very busy & will have to decline her invitation to lunch. One should not have to go to so much effort to explain why ppl aren’t invited. The first message shoudl have been enough.

Post # 4
1675 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Wow, the girl doesn’t get a hint. I really think that that’s about all you can say – limited budget, limited room in venue, only family… past that, the person just sort of needs to get it. I think that personally, I’d say that I was too busy to have lunch, but sometime after the wedding when the crazy has slowed down, you’d love to have her over for dinner.

Post # 5
1789 posts
Buzzing bee


Are you going to go through with that lunch date? If so, quote that same speech you sent her and say it again and again. Does she have any idea how much weddings cost? Tell her the wedding planning is already done, the venue/party can only hold the members of yours and his family members, and the wedding party/ SMALL number of friends you have invited. Remember to emphasize on the small amount of people. Try to keep it short and sweet so it doesnt turn into a huge endevour.

But, I would try to avoid the date itself. I am envisioning the way she does not get the hint though, and that may create more drama and/ or stalking.

Post # 6
140 posts
Blushing bee

Yea, I agree with the PP. Don’t leave any room for possibility with her. Make it really clear that you are not changing your mind, and that you can schedule lunch or something for after the wedding, only if you want to though. 

Seriously, who does that???!?!! I can’t imagine what goes through your mind to think it’s a good idea to try to talk your way into someone’s wedding. Maybe she is related to Michael Scott? (sorry, been watching a lot of The Office lately lol)

Post # 7
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Hmmm, looks like she hasn’t changed that much in 15+ Years… she still has issues with Boundaries.

Personally, I would not initiate any more contact, you’ve had your say, and told her what is what.

IF she contacts you again, to ask about the lunch date, tell her you’ve told her how things are, (repeat the statement if necessary).  Then tell her you don’t see any need to have lunch to rehash this… period.

Then move on with your HAPPY life.  You DO NOT OWE this woman an explanation, of WHY you came to the List you have… or WHO is on it.  Nor any other info for that matter.

Good luck.

PS… If she is disturbed enough to show up the Day of the Wedding, call the Police !!


Post # 8
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

It all depends on where you want the friendship to go.  If you don’t care one way or the other if you guys remain friends,  I would just decline the lunch and be firm about the list.  If you want to remain friends with her I guess you could go to lunch and keep repeating yourself over and over again.   Either way it goes, Good Luck.

Post # 9
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Liss13:  I don’t see any reason to accept a lunch date the point of which is discuss something that you don’t want to talk ANYMORE about.

@mrs_skydiver:  This isn’t a real invitation to lunch. She just wants you as a captive audience to corner you about “her feelings”, etc. Don’t fall for this manipulative trap.

1) If you really want to let go of this relationship, don’t reply at all. 

2) If you want to put her on hold until after the wedding, decline lunch and then extend a lunch or dinner invite for after the wedding. 

If 15+ years isn’t enough to learn boundaries, there’s not much hope now, imo.

Post # 10
196 posts
Blushing bee

Honestly, if I were in your shoes, I would decline (or ignore) the lunch invite. 

First of all, she plays an extremely minimal part in your life. 

Two, I don’t take kindly to people trying to force me to do things (“OMG you just HAVE to invite me to your wedding!!!!!”  Heh. The only people I have to have there are my SO and my priest.)

Third, she seems like a bit of a troublemaker, so good riddance if she decides to end the friendship.

(edited for clarity)

Post # 11
1789 posts
Buzzing bee

@This Time Round:  

I think we need to invest in bouncers for our wedding. LOL

Post # 12
1789 posts
Buzzing bee


I did tell her to avoid it. I was hoping she wouldnt accept it. EESHK. I would run away from stalker friends. I had one once back in high school. They only get creepier when they get older, with liscences and knowledge of technology and stuff. LOL

Post # 14
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@mrs_skydiver: I don’t blame you for declining the lunch date (or lunch inquisition, as it were!). Your response was so gracious and perfect, and while it was rude of her to ask in the first place, it’s even rude of her to press further. I’m glad you’re holding your boundaries!

Post # 15
3683 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I think you need to stop her from seeing your FB wall in case someone puts wedding details like date and/or location.  She sounds crazy enough to just show up.

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