- 8 years ago
Hello – I’m new here as far as registering, but I have to admit I have scanned the pages looking for help in the past few months. Second wedding for me, figured I would do fine on my own – but now we are less than 5 months out and the crazy is starting to come out. I realize I need to be here and have like-minded people to talk to. So that’s my little introduction and hello wave!
So here’s the latest dilemma to pop up:
We sent out our Save The Dates last week. A little later than we had planned, but our wedding is going to be very small and most people knew about the wedding date already. This was more a formality and we wanted to use a pic we got last fall of us kissing while skydiving at my FI’s favorite dropzone. We are only inviting our closest family members and a few close lifelong friends, the kind of people who have had our backs forever.
I do have an old friend from college who found me on facebook a few years back. When she found me, we hadn’t spoken in probably 15 years. We live close to each other now, but I have only seen her maybe 4 times in the past 5 years. Mainly because she is very stressful and stress-inducing.
In college, I looked out for this girl because she’s never had much common sense. I put myself in some precarious situations in college because I felt the need to protect her so I accompanied her on her adventures to watch out for her. When she met my Fiance the one time two years ago, she made it sound like I was this wild child who would run to every college party with a bunch of guys at a moment’s notice. So in terms of the small circle of friends we chose to invite, she didn’t make the cut. No one else from college is coming to this wedding so she can’t hold that over my head. I haven’t actually even seen her for well over a year. This shouldn’t be that big of a deal.
Last night, she sends me a facebook message demanding to know why she had been “uninvited” to my wedding. I did some research on the most tactful way to say things and said this:
M – Unfortunately, we have a limited budget for the wedding .We had to keep the list to our closest family and that’s about it. His immediate family, my immediate family, and the wedding party brought us pretty much to our limit. We would’ve liked to include as many of our friends as possible but it is just not financially feasible.
I appreciate that you wanted to help us celebrate that day. I wish we had the resources to extend an invitation to all of our friends. I hope you’ll understand. – K
I thought she would understand. Instead she sent me a rambling message about how she’s not happy about it, she always thought I would be in her wedding and she would be in mine. And she wants me to go to lunch with her to discuss this.
I’m floored. I don’t know what to say to her, especially now that I find out that she not only thought she would be invited, she thought she should be in the wedding party! And apparently, she thinks she can change my mind over lunch.
How would you handle this?