(Closed) Friends didn’t get presents for us or cards

posted 12 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 17
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Yeah, same frustration here. I’m pretty disappointed. For a few of non-card/gift givers, we even made special accommodations….See this thread for more of the same. 🙁

Post # 18
Member
19 posts
Newbee

I have never heard of the no gift thing or having upto a year to send the gift?? I find that kinda weird. People have known about a wedding for several months but decide to send it upto a year later. It just rubs me the wrong way. I guess its because we don’t do it that way-we just give money the day of so I find it weird.

Post # 19
Member
44 posts
Newbee

My SO is that clueless. One of his best friends was getting married not long after we were dating.  They extended an invitation to me right before the wedding so I didn’t know when their wedding was exactly until then. Well he didn’t buy them a gift or even a card and didn’t think twice about it. When I asked him about it he seemed taken back like he really had no idea he was also having money problems at the time. When you can just pay rent its hard to buy a gift for someone even if you want to. I told him that when he gets the extra cash to buy them something and apologize for not being able to give them a gift at their actual wedding. Better late than never.

Post # 20
Member
565 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

We definately give presents late.  The better I know someone the more likely I am to give the present late.  The reason being is that their registry will be up for awhile and sometimes I just go for that but sometimes it’s just looking for a really great gift (which I’m more likely to do if I’m close to the people).  So there’s always their registry to fall back on if you can’t find anything. 

Also, perhaps it’s rude to not give gifts but I think it means different things to different people.  For my family, the sisters sometimes get each other birthday presents and sometimes don’t, but it’s more making an effort to be there and celebrate with one another.  So it doesn’t bother me a lick if they get me something or not, but I can see if that’s how you express celebrations in your family how it would be offensive to not get gifts. 

Post # 21
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

i mean zero disrespect to anyone here, but i guess maybe i’m the only one that doesn’t expect a gift or a card? i will honestly be so happy to get to spend my wedding day in the company of the ones i love, and that’s enough for me. i’d much rather have the memory and photos of our day than china or piece of paper. that’s not to say i don’t buy gifts for my friends that are getting married, i just don’t expect a gift/card because i am getting married. again, i really mean no disrespect by saying this.

Post # 22
Member
749 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

The thing is, bellamargot, for people to not acknowledge one’s wedding with at least a card is tantamount of saying it was as trivial as just any other party one goes to without giving a card. (That said, I always send the host/hostess a thank you note) It lets an occasion as big as a marriage pass by without acknowledgement that yes, indeed, this is special, this is different. That’s why we are so hurt.

@JamaicaBride: A wet noodle! I love it!

Post # 23
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee

Bellamargot and anyone else…I’d like to know how your parents would or do feel about this? Maybe the idea is so foreign to me I can’t understand it. As a parent,and if I’ve attended the wedding of a friend or relative’s child and given a gift,I certainly expect it to be the same for my child. It’s a little different,but compare it to a birthday party. Do you or did you go empty-handed or were your feelings hurt if someone came to your party without a gift?  Simplistic,I know,but a wedding is a big event in a person’s life,so I don’t understand NOT acknowledging it in some way.

Post # 24
Member
565 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

We got lots of emails too – and facebook messages and all the other new kind of communication.  I think sometimes cards, especially for younger people, just aren’t really thought of as much.  Why send a card when you can send a facebook virtual balloon to someone (we didn’t get one of these luckily).  I think some of it is just that people consider them taking the time and effort to come to the celebration as indication that they’re happy for you and just are unaware that they’re hurtful if they don’t send a card too.  It’s not an excuse but it just that they’re a lot of posts about this and so there must be different ways of thinking about it.

Post # 25
Member
565 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

It is different than a birthday party and my sisters put a lot more effort into the wedding events and I really wasn’t hurt about not getting a card from them.  I would have actually been surprised.  I was just trying to say a card doesn’t mean that much to me while their actions mean a lot to me – but that just seems to be two different views.  Someone coming and having fun at my wedding meant a lot more to me than receiving a card.  I do understand why people would be upset at not getting any acknowledgement, I’m just trying to explain it from the other side since my family seems to not really care about cards (though we do send them but just find them a bit unnecessary ourselves).

Post # 26
Member
755 posts
Busy bee

some people don’t really care about cards (like me), unless there is something special handwritten in it.

I agree with bellamargot. while I obviously want gifts, I wont be hurt if people don’t give them. In all of the weddings I’ve been to over the last couple of years I’ve had to plan and travel to make it to the wedding (although I still did bring or send a gift). IMO, it take a lot of effort to attend a wedding. I’ll be happy and very appreciative of everyone for just coming to my wedding.

@cheerful- If I’m following your posts right, you eloped and then sent out announcements, and then didn’t get cards/gifts from people. Honestly, I don’t know that I would send a card or gift in response to a wedding announcement, I’d probably email. But that doesn’t mean I care any less about my friend or their marriage.

Post # 27
Member
749 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Yes, we eloped, moved to Italy, and then sent out announcements. We weren’t expecting gifts and I honestly don’t need/want them. What I really want is some form of acknowledgement. Even the emails we got were pretty casual. The response has followed people’s reactions to our engagement. They weren’t particularly happy for us; they made many demands; and they really hurt our feelings about many of our wedding plans. Although we wanted to elope, we tried to plan a fifty person wedding for their benefit. We never received any offer to help in any way; instead there was constant sniping. So we eloped on our terms. I had hoped that once we were married, well, maybe it wouldn’t have been too much to say “congratulations.”

Post # 28
Member
565 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

That sucks.  That’s no card and no effort on their part.  I would be hurt too.  Weddings bring out weird things in people.

Post # 29
Member
833 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@cheerful, I’d probably wait to tell you in person but not send a gift, card or email in response to your wedding announcements… nothing personal, that’s kinda just how I operate.

And if someone doesn’t get us something… well, I kind of expect it to happen because all our friends are just graduating college. I know these people pretty well and i doubt some of FI’s friends will get us anything!

Post # 30
Member
749 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

@cinemaparadiso Would you wait to tell us in person knowing that we’ve moved to Italy? We won’t be back in the US for at least a year. Honestly, I’m curious. I’d love to understand their (silent) reaction.

Post # 31
Member
833 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Ooh, in Italy. Probably not, but I’d call ya! 🙂 Or better yet, come visit you… hehe just kidding

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