(Closed) Friends didn’t get presents for us or cards

posted 12 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 32
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

That would really bother me too.  I know the rule is up to one year, but in practice, I think that is really rude. 

If people travel to the wedding and just don’t have the money for a gift, a nice card would be just fine.  I think its rude to give nothing.  It’s the principle of the matter.

Post # 34
Member
749 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Sorry for hijacking your thread lisalulu!

Post # 35
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Lisalulu, I don’t know if you noticed the thread I started but I was very frustrated about the same thing. I was very upset that many of our “non gift giving” guests chose to get plasterd on my in laws friday night and at the wedding on Saturday. A card would be nice…just to say congrats! Personally, I’d never go to a wedding and not get a gift. Hello…dollar stores have cards that are 2/1.00! It hurts me that I gave them money for their wedding and they couldnt get us a card. I guess at the next wedding, my husband and I can use it as an excuse to get really drunk, take $25 shots, spill drinks everywhere…and give no gift! (just kidding) I’m sorry that happened…we got married 2 weeks ago and we are now out of the country. Hopefully when we return, we will have more gifts…I wont hold my breath!

Post # 36
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2009

It’s a bummer when you don’t have tangible evidence that people care…

I thought I was closer to my uncle and family but they didn’t even send me anything.  

It stings a little but in the same breath – it’s not really the reason you ask them to join you on your day!

 

It’s funny how you will always remember who DIDN’T give you a card/gift but you’ll have to look up who did give you one.

 

Bigger picture – YOU’RE MARRIED!  Yahoo!

Post # 38
Member
749 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

LOL! Your grandmother still remembers who gave what? Maybe it’s going to take longer for me to get over this than I had hoped!

Post # 39
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

The rule for most is that guests should cover at least what their meal costs! jeez, so rude!

Post # 40
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2009

It just really bothers me that you are invited to a wedding and you show up with nothing plus your friend was invited last minute.  I understand on gifts.  I am not expecting that but not even a card.  NOT EVEN A CARD. 

Then this guest had the nerve to send me pictures of her and her friend at my wedding.  WHO CARES?????  UGHHH..I am really trying hard to take the high road with this particular guest but it is hard….

Post # 41
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee

I also do not expect a card or gift. I just don’t care- if you come to my wedding, your presence is gift enough for us! Having all of our closest friends and family in one room is an amazing gift, the one that means the most to me. Besides, a lot of time and money goes into attending a wedding, especially if you don’t live nearby. You need an outfit, a place to stay, gas money, money for food, and that really adds up. My friends and I have never exchanged gifts of any kind, so why should the wedding be any different? We drive hours to see each other, buy each other expensive dinners/lunches, and I think that works out nicely. And I personally hate giving cards- they just don’t carry any weight/meaning to me, I feel like it’s such a cop-out to just give a card and say ok I’m done- I’d rather take someone out to lunch!

And on a random unrelated note (not directed at the poster!) I personally think it’s pretty tacky to think “well, I spent $120 on his/her plate of food, and they didn’t get me a gift/card?! THE NERVE!!!” It irritates me so much that I’m being held back from inviting people to my wedding that I’d love to extend an invitation to because they’re wonderful company, because people say “oh it will just look like you want a gift, because they probably won’t be able to make it” NO, I don’t want a freakin’ gift, I don’t want a thing, I just want to invite the people that I like! But all this gift etiquette crap has ruined the idea of a marriage celebration! It disgusts me to some degree.

Also, I think it’s a bit ridiculous to say that not giving recognition to a wedding in addition to attending (or even, not attending) is tantamount to treating the occasion as trivial. I don’t expect people to care about my wedding. Those that are really close to me, will care, but I certainly am not going to stamp my feet and say “whyyyy does no one care about MY WEDDNG??!” So you’re getting married, that’s wonderful, awesome, but in the greater scheme of things, that’s between you and your significant other- don’t just expect people to get excited/thrilled/all up in arms for you hah. Some people just treat it like any other thing- a birthday, a graduation, etc. It is just an occasion after all, and a lot of people just don’t view it as the hugely life changing event that some other people do.

This isn’t meant to offend anyone, everyone is different about this situation. I personally give gifts at weddings when I’ve been to them (but I’ve only been to 4). These people were very close to us, so we got them lovely gifts. We don’t see them often, so we couldn’t spend the time with them that we wanted to, so we chose to do something for them because we felt like it. None of these people registered. But the one wedding I went to where I knew the bride and groom where actively hoping for and looking out for gifts (3 registries for them total)- it really rubbed me the wrong way. It tarnished their wedding for me- it felt like it was less about spending time with those they care about and more about how well they could stock their new house.

Post # 42
Member
749 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Weddings, Graduations, Birthdays: all big categories for greeting cards. Why? Because those occasions are marked as special.

Many, many people are upset when their close friends forget their birthdays. I, likewise, am upset that so few people have sent us cards. And, n.b., there were only four people at our wedding, so I’m not calling out a bunch of people who drove long distances to attend. 

I agree with you that the politics of presents/invitations has gotten really, really weird and become unfortunate. Is it ridiculous that an invitation now looks like a present-grab because they shouldn’t be. 

Post # 43
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I just got married on 10.10 and there are many, including my in-laws, who have not given us a gift.  Here are a few things to consider:

– Just like we have a little time to write Thank You cards, guests have up to a year to give a gift. Don’t know the origins of that passing Emily Post but it absolutely true.

– If people traveled for your wedding, they are financially settling back into things. I know I am 🙂 Hotels, airfare, car rentals, or locally babysitting, a new dress, shower…just things to consider.

– We are in a recession.  We received gifts at random times and I think they centered around sales.  I anticipate wedding gifts over the holidays.

– I agree that a card would be nice but if someone gave you a card the day of the wedding (or week before/after) the person may be planning to buy you a gift and the card would be confusing – “What – just a card!”

I am definitely curious and still checking my registry, some have told me that they are waiting for X or Y, but the overarching idea here is to give people a little more time. As a bride who got married across the country, I cannot begin to tell you how much money we spent shipping things back home.  Sooo expensive and stressful.

 

Post # 44
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

There were a few friends who didn’t give gifts, but I think everyone gave a card (although one card was clearly written by one person for three people).

Did anyone else find that the gift giving (giving vs. not giving) didn’t seem to be related to people’s financial situations. Two friends with good jobs who buy lots of new “toys” (electronics, blu rays, sporting equiptment) just signed a card, while another friend who is always workiing a couple of part time jobs sent us a small gift from our registry with a sweet note.

Post # 45
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m really surprised by this post!

Maybe it’s just me; but I didn’t feel the need to bring cards or gifts to the two weddings I’ve been to this year. Our group is pretty much getting married in a consecutive row, and we all agreed to not bother with gifts for one another since it was pretty much like playing musical wallets. I didn’t feel weird about it at all.

I don’t expect people to bring gifts, in fact I encourage them not to in this economy.

I guess I’ve never wanted cards, because…well, most people just get something from hallmark, sign it and call it a day. Id rather they save their 3 bucks and buy a gallon of gas.

So, I don’t really understand the emphatic shock that some people didn’t get you a card or gift. We’ve got to remember to us our weddings are the most momentous occasions; but really to most of our guests (who love us dearly though they may), it’s a weekend on their calendar that they have to free up.

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